soul cleansing confession

Friends, you may or may not have noticed but Ive been trying to find a more honest voice on my blog. Admittedly, I write this blog for entertainment purposes only so I have tended to stay away (for the most part) from controversial topics. Sometimes, however, things hit a little too close to home. Or beloved friends (real time and blog) will say things that make me feel like I should speak up. Like I am a fraud for not sharing what I believe with the blogoverse. Particularly when certain topics come up with other folks. I hide behind my denial of who I am. I cant do that anymore friends.

I realize Im taking a great risk here and I recognize that I might be alienating more than one of you. Please friends, try to remember, i am still the same crse you've known for the past eleven months. And we can talk about it. Im finally realizing that I am only as sick as my secret,(and no, in case you are wondering, it is not that Ive ti-voed the republican debate, Im actually pretty comfortable with that) so no matter what happens, I know I am free now...


(deep breath)
i like clowns.

Whoa....I feel like a huge load has been lifted off me! Before you start judging, let me just clarify. Im not a proponent of creepy middle aged male clowns who ask little kids to sit on their laps. But I do like them. To the point that (as a very select few of you know) (madame fabu and luckybuzz may be alone on this but Im not sure) I often talk in private moments about dropping out of life and running away to clown college. I dont need the little bike or the squirting flower, but damn Id love to know how to make those animal balloons. And when you think about it, as creepy as adults may find clowns to be, little kids generally cheer up when a clown comes into the picture. (Unless they cry hysterically, but Id never be a pushy clown)I wouldnt want to be part of a circus because of some personal moral opposition to circuses in general, but Id love to work parties. Or be like a telegram clown. Ok since we are being honest, I probably would be into learning to drive the little bike.

I understand John Wayne Gacy and the movie IT did a lot to undermine the social acceptability of clowns, but seriously is that fair?

To address John Wayne Gacy, I find this extremely biased. We do not judge men in casts or on crutches because Ted Bundy faked physical limitations. And the boston strangler. Do you hear people villifying gas meter readers because of his behaviors? I think not.

As for the movie IT. Now Stephen King did a lot of scary assed shit. Still you dont see people in nurseries or greenhouses freaking out over bonsai. (granted, bonsai scare the shit out of me) Or really big drooly dogs because of Cujo. So why are we singling out IT?

Want to know what i think? Its CHARACTERISM. For some unknown reason, our culture decided that clowns need to be feared and shunned. Its just not ok for grown ups to like (or want to be) clowns. Dammit, people! Its not right! What if people did this to santa? Or the easter bunny? (although id be on board with that one, since bunnies creep me out anyway). And what about leprechauns? Now lets lay it out on the table here. Leprechauns are the scariest little mother fuckers youd ever want to not cross paths with. But every march we just worship those little green demons. IT. IS. WRONG.

Anyway, I bring this up now because in a few weeks Im attending a clown therapy training and out of the 125 participants, I am the only one excited about this training. Excited? Friends Im freaking GIDDY. But I cant tell people that, because clowns are bad and scary. Not anymore people. Not on this blog.

ILL SAY IT ONCE AND ILL SAY IT LOUD
I LOVE THEM CLOWNS AND IM NOT PROUD

TMI Tuesday

Once again a visit to our friendly neighborhood Zigzagman reminded me that it is once again TMI tuesday crse style. So here goes:

-I have been thinking that I might want to send my poop pictures into rate my poo.com. Interestingly, after visiting the site, Ive noticed that while I find my own poop endlessly fascinating, other people's poop kind of grosses me out. I think I just need my own personal rate my poop site.

- In retrospect, it occurs to me that it would have been much more efficient to just eat all the mini reese's cups on easter eve instead of trying to dig surreptitiously through two easter baskets when little eyes are not jealously guarding their baskets.

- I had the possible worst fashion day ever after a series of events somehow led me to wearing a navy blue top, brown pants and black shoes. I was scaring myself.

- Another embarrassing incident occurred when after handling a client's notebook, i somehow managed to transfer a disturbing brown gooey substance to the back of the notebook. The worst part? I completely blamed the client and totally lied about not knowing where the substance came from (my car...i think some fruit and some tootsie rolls might have been involved)


- Gill and norm WILL NOT STOP FIGHTING. (this isnt really embarrassingly tmi but its current events in the household) And the turnip has been replaced with a hideously whiny motherhating changeling.

and that my friends, is all i got today.

TMI Tuesday and a shout out

Well folks, It is once again time for the 2nd edition of TMI Tuesday (crse style). The illustrious Zig graciously explained that this is an established group meme complete with intimate questions each week. Now friends, i have no problems offering details about my intimate life, but i do know my audience. Unless you as a whole decide you want these details, I will refrain. And offer you my own brand of TMI! (and no i will NOT refrain from these details)

-I did remember deodorant today. Ive consistently remembered for a week now. Go me!

-My toilet in the master bathroom is not completely flushing. Either that or Im subconsciously eating cork (little shout out to Moe for that joke re: Mr. Moe's poop in the late 90s!). Its not very pleasant although i think im the only one who poops in there.

-On the poop note, when i went to the bathroom yesterday, I looked down and saw a perfectly formed letter S. I was beyond impressed. (AND AM KICKING MYSELF FOR NOT TAKING A PICTURE!)So much that i saved it for norm to see. He was very affirming. And yes, he will be telling a therapist this and other stories in ten to fifteen years Im sure.

- Moving on to spiritual nudity, Ive been faced with the harsh reality that I have a big ugly ego. I knew this cognitively of course. But yesterday, events transpired that made me realize in the core of my being, I have a big ugly ego that is out of control and cripples me.

-And im having a crisis of prettiness (as it relates to big, ugly ego). The crisis is magnified by the fact that im paying the price for a hasty whack job on my bangs and it came to my attention on saturday that my chin sticks out way more than i ever even comprehended. I think i have a johnny carson chin. Now I have to deal with the fact that years of chin snobbery towards those who have weak or no chins have been nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to mask my own chin flaw. We hate what we are and dont want to be.

On a more positive note, Gretty has become Gretty. We finally bullied her into the blogosphere! Go see her and give a shout out. Also, Gill PROMISED me his Me-me is done from last week and will be up presently so please give him some love! Give them both some love!

TMI Tuesday

Well folks, in my quest to increase my Dork Quotient before the Dorkteenth, I am borrowing this idea from a titillating new blog I found courtesy of rockdog. Zig's rant (read titillating as not safe for work. My feature is a bit tamer (read less exciting) but offers more information than you ever wanted to know! of course in dash form. We will start slow today.

-Missed my morning shower due to personal idiocy/scheduling snafu.

- Forgot to put on deodorant until 130 in the afternoon (sorry about that Madame Fabu, didnt realize that when i was riding in your car)

-Lost my shoes this morning. Ended up wearing black high heels and navy blue thick cotton knee socks. It was not pretty by any stretch of the imagination.


- Tried to put on said deodorant in Madame Fabu's office, only to realize there was no way to do this without spike noticing as he already had offered his critique of the shoe/sock situation.

-Finally put deodorant on in patient bathroom.

-Did not realize until 3pm that i could probably pull off socklessness thus reducing the hideous faux pas to some degree.

- On the positive side, i found a spare black bra that i didnt realize i owned!

Today's not so bad after all!