School kind of sucks

Seriously.

Friends, Ive been remiss in keeping you posted about the little personal nightmares brewing in my day to day life. I really need to be better about this because such omissions leave you no context whatsoever when the overloaded chamber pot that is my job (family, parenting skill level, financial situation, personal relationship network etc) spills out and leaves us all wallowing in a huge flood of shit. My job you say? Why yes, and if you guessed this has to do with our sweet old friend Perfect Storm . (note this link is only the tip of the PS iceburg. For a true history just search the term in my blog search engine) then you would be right. The good news is that we are away from the Legion of Doom and are back in her home district. The bad news is that I am now spending every waking moment of the school day (not including my tardiness)(or leaving early) (or being able to skip out for "legitimate" excuses)with our little sweet heart.

Why you ask? Well friends, this would be because the front line worker lined up for this position embarrassed us both at the school meeting, causing the school to "request" that she be taken off the case. I wanted to object friends, I really did. I wanted to say that she just didnt do well at meetings. Truth be told gentle readers? I had my suspicions. She seemed to become a little ....obsessed..with me. After she found out I was supervising her, Id catch her staring at me to the point of awkwardness. Now generally, you know I am a gracious recipient of girl crushes friends. After all, who can blame the poor lost souls who get swept away by the ocean of beauty and charm that is crse? (and trust me I do tend to attract Poor. Lost. Souls.) But she not only crossed into creepy? But she also had the AUDACITY to generalize her obsessive stares to anyone connected with the case! HELLO??? If you are going to girlcrush on me? Please be consistent if you want me to deign you with offhanded gestures of attention ok? Otherwise it means NOTHING.

But I digress. Long story short? (too late you think? Ah but no, it actually was a much much longer story involving my cleavage/whimsical pants strategy and a cross-eyed unjustifiably cocky psychologist along with other plot points) There was nobody to replace shallow stalker girl and here i am. Lonnie Manko is being totally cool about letting me provide as much service as I can to PS because really? She has a good chance of succeeding this time. So thats the good news. And the bad news. Today was kind of mild with only one mishap involving her molesting the class guinea pig. I did not know guinea pigs made noises like that.

Norm started kindergarten today. He did well. I did ok. Up until he told me that the afternoon teacher was "kind of mad at him" which led to me calling her and thus identifying myself as "that mom". Well she denied anything happened but Im hoping i scared her straight. Ok too tired to talk/post pictures. This may have been the rambliest post ever but friends, fifth grade made me her bitch today.

The ugly season

Well my friends, Thanksgiving has come and gone. Lovely day despite a somewhat unfortunate encounter with the bonsai's least favorite aunt, who i suspect has a girl crush on me. (dont believe me? lets review the list shall we?: Is she manly? check. Did she leave her husband for another woman in the 90s and then get back together with him? check. Does she prolongingly look at my breasts and extend eye contact? check. Is she not even remotely attractive? Check. Is she hostile towards Gill? Check.) Needless to say, the bonsai threw me under the bus on this one and nobody else thought twice about leaving me there. I was a trooper friends. I took the hits and still managed to avoid the boob crushing hug at the end.

Id like to say that this encounter was responsible for what transpired later that evening but I would be lying. Truth be told, thanksgiving night was actually the beginning of what I have come to think of as "the ugly season". In the next six weeks, there will be a flurry of parties and occasions that will require your host to get stupid ugly drunk. And I am prepared to live up to this expectation. Here are some highlights from thursday night.

-after being dropped off at the bar, one of the first people I saw was a woman from my past whose car I didnt "technically" steal. It was more like a joyride. She hates me friends.

-needless to say this led me to overindulge in the vodka right away.

-which led me to behave like a lunatic on the dance floor

-and force my cousin to slow dance with me (she was ok with it. she is no stranger to drunk crse)

- and drink more.

- and inadvertently buy a shot for a man I loathe because I was politely asking him if he needed to get closer to the bar. (Folks, sometimes drunk crse is not my friend)

-and start a conversation with someone else who NONE of my friends ever liked.

-and drunk dial several friends who were not there to tell them I was hanging out with the person I forgot we dont like to get them to come out and see the person we didnt really care for.

-and possibly hit on my friend's brother. (when you get onto topics like swinging and you are drunk and trying to affirming, well...it could go either way)

Ok well thats enough highlights. Might as well pace this as we have several more events to look forward to.

The aftermath wasnt pretty friends. And Im not ready to talk about it. Until we went to Madame Fabu's mother for dinner last night, the day was a blur of me on the couch trapped in a flinstone's marathon encouraging my children to snack on whatever they could reach in lieu of actual meals. Its going to be a long holiday season my friends.