Because she made me laugh out loud a few times today, I am going to follow her lead and make a list of twelve happiness things. Gret did things that have made her smile lately but since I havent been smiling or laughing too much, I figured I was best focusing on just things that have great potential to make me happy.
1. We have cheese in the house and I dont think I bounced any checks obtaining the cheese.
2. Listening to Norm on his new telephone line, calling people and leaving messages. (LB I almost peed myself when he told you about going to first the "dry park and then the water park")Even better, listening to him handle sales calls.
3. Watching the turnip run onto the practice field during Norm's first soccer practice.
4. Watching my little brother coach eleven five year olds.
5. Seeing same brother smile when I gave him a cheap ass and goofy birthday present today because it brought back funny memories.
6. Having a friend wonderful enough to remove my screaming baby from the sporting goods store so I could complete my transaction. Thank you Gretty. I love you!
7. Knowing that the boys and i are going to spend the evening with the fantastic female fabus tomorrow night.
8. Finding chunks of ice in the drink cooler and knowing for a fact that Gill chipped them directly from the freezer in the garage. Who does that? Why does it crack me up so much?
9. Kickball registration! (and the possibility that i talked the team into something more aggressive than the kickballistics, which granted is clever, but does not strike fear in the hearts of our opponents!)
10. Sheetz is adding an espresso bar to the store by Gill's work. This could mean that they will expand the espresso bar option to the sheetz closer to my house! (whoohoooo)
11. Facing the first awkward situation of pain today (in one instance) and feeling like I came out on top, looking gracious and not slightly needy or submissive. Go me. I think.
12. My blogfriends. (cheesy heart out to all of you!)
Thanks for your patience as we slowly return to our regularly scheduled absurdities.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Personal Hell Update (warning: deep thoughts ahead)
Well friends, it is Monday morning, 730. I did not interact with anyone this weekend except my boys and gretty. (well I did some texting and actually cleared up a small problem but Im not counting that) I slept a whole. freaking. lot. I threw myself head first into the world of facebook. My heart does not feel so battered this morning although I still do not want to face the world at all yet.
But Ive been thinking a lot about the past week and what I've learned. This actually comes directly from the delightfully thought-provoking ms. trix who, in her myquestion section yesterday asked "what have you learned so far today?" Im not sure I answered but I did sit there for a long time trying to think about what i'd learned in the hour and a half I was awake. I learned we were completely out of cheese slices and that the toilet paper was dangerously low. I learned that my theory about my side of the bed being crippling was correct. I learned that if you take very cold waffles and dip them in syrup they will taste disgusting. Being that the first answer to her question was much more profound, I didn't think any of those would be suitable.
But the "what have I learned?" thought spurred me to think about the week. During the week, I kept thinking "what is my lesson here?" and all I could come up with was "trust no-one. People completely suck." Around 4am this morning, I woke up (well because Id slept for about 18 of the past 24 hours) with a line from Muppets take Manhatten stuck in my head. (For the record, my favorite of their work is Great Muppet Caper) It's Pete the restaurantier saying to Kermit (courtesy of IMDB) "Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples, is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples. Okay?" Know what I mean?
And I started thinking about how in my life, people have consistently inflicted upon me different levels of the same hurts they had at one time or another described as wounding them. I don't think it's just me. And Im not entirely sure it's conscious. Im not just talking about the asswipe division of humanity, but they are included. So why is our mistreatment of others almost exactly what we hurt us the most? I don't mean all the time. Im personally trying to look back and see where this applies in my life. Needless to say, I am currently lacking the insight to identify this in myself right now. Ill be quizzing Gill about this later (and RT friends feel free to jump in if you have seen me do this. I really do want the insight). Im not saying I havent been crappy to other people, but when I think back on my crappiness, its generally not stuff that wounded me to the quick when it happened to me. Anyway, I just noticed a trend.
I remember my mother telling us (in one of the few sane moments before she transitioned from just being a crappy mother to being a malicious bitch) that if she ever became like her father, she wanted us to tell her. When we did try to tell her, post transition, she would not hear it. Granted, she does fall into the asswipe category, but I always wondered why she didn't want to believe it happened when she apparently thought she could stop it. My biggest fear is that I will turn out like her too. Will I be able to hear it, if one of my brothers tell me? I think so. That's why Im in therapy.
As I fell asleep at 430am, I started dreaming about my first job. I may or may not have mentioned this job before but of all the jobs Ive had, this is the one I dream of the most. In the dream, its always the same. I have my master's degree but can't get anyone to replace me so I have to keep working there. And it was a nightmare. The whole time I worked there was a nightmare. I made lots of friends and developed some mad flirting skillz there but the work part was a nightmare. (Interestingly, I just referred back to this time on super-cool Lina's blog in response to her post about power.) (yes, Im still working on that post, but Ive not been feeling as powerful lately so Im waiting for a "how crse got her groove back" inspiration to get me going)
Now that I think about it, that was one of the first times I learned to hone my personal power.It was years later that I realized how much power I wielded in that crappy job because at that point in my life I felt completely and utterly unworthy and powerless. Ive got to save that for the power post. But perhaps thats why I had the dream. Because I just realized, I did lose my power. Nobody took it from me, but I completely lost it. And I don't feel good about myself at all. All of the feelings from that time in my life have been coming to the surface this week. (this could be largely due to the fact that the asswipe situation largely mirrors a pattern I grew up with and Im powerless to help just like I was powerless to prevent back then)Im not quite sure what to do with them. And I think that the lesson the brilliant Ms. Trix inspired me to contemplate is in what Im supposed to do with all of this. Except I dont exactly know how to get to a place of strength again. Which makes it interesting as a personal journey because the individual incidents have already started to fade in my mind but the feelings of being weak stupid ugly unworthy and unpleasant to be around are not. Towards the end of the week, I found myself apologizing for things over which i had no control or influence. In retrospect, I was apologizing for being myself.
I wanted to wrap this up with something profound and hopeful but Im naked, the turnip just woke up and appears to be loudly arguing with himself in his crib and gret will be here in a few minutes. So, Ill be back later in the day and I will continue to work on my inner wilt (if you will bear with me).
But Ive been thinking a lot about the past week and what I've learned. This actually comes directly from the delightfully thought-provoking ms. trix who, in her myquestion section yesterday asked "what have you learned so far today?" Im not sure I answered but I did sit there for a long time trying to think about what i'd learned in the hour and a half I was awake. I learned we were completely out of cheese slices and that the toilet paper was dangerously low. I learned that my theory about my side of the bed being crippling was correct. I learned that if you take very cold waffles and dip them in syrup they will taste disgusting. Being that the first answer to her question was much more profound, I didn't think any of those would be suitable.
But the "what have I learned?" thought spurred me to think about the week. During the week, I kept thinking "what is my lesson here?" and all I could come up with was "trust no-one. People completely suck." Around 4am this morning, I woke up (well because Id slept for about 18 of the past 24 hours) with a line from Muppets take Manhatten stuck in my head. (For the record, my favorite of their work is Great Muppet Caper) It's Pete the restaurantier saying to Kermit (courtesy of IMDB) "Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples, is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples. Okay?" Know what I mean?
And I started thinking about how in my life, people have consistently inflicted upon me different levels of the same hurts they had at one time or another described as wounding them. I don't think it's just me. And Im not entirely sure it's conscious. Im not just talking about the asswipe division of humanity, but they are included. So why is our mistreatment of others almost exactly what we hurt us the most? I don't mean all the time. Im personally trying to look back and see where this applies in my life. Needless to say, I am currently lacking the insight to identify this in myself right now. Ill be quizzing Gill about this later (and RT friends feel free to jump in if you have seen me do this. I really do want the insight). Im not saying I havent been crappy to other people, but when I think back on my crappiness, its generally not stuff that wounded me to the quick when it happened to me. Anyway, I just noticed a trend.
I remember my mother telling us (in one of the few sane moments before she transitioned from just being a crappy mother to being a malicious bitch) that if she ever became like her father, she wanted us to tell her. When we did try to tell her, post transition, she would not hear it. Granted, she does fall into the asswipe category, but I always wondered why she didn't want to believe it happened when she apparently thought she could stop it. My biggest fear is that I will turn out like her too. Will I be able to hear it, if one of my brothers tell me? I think so. That's why Im in therapy.
As I fell asleep at 430am, I started dreaming about my first job. I may or may not have mentioned this job before but of all the jobs Ive had, this is the one I dream of the most. In the dream, its always the same. I have my master's degree but can't get anyone to replace me so I have to keep working there. And it was a nightmare. The whole time I worked there was a nightmare. I made lots of friends and developed some mad flirting skillz there but the work part was a nightmare. (Interestingly, I just referred back to this time on super-cool Lina's blog in response to her post about power.) (yes, Im still working on that post, but Ive not been feeling as powerful lately so Im waiting for a "how crse got her groove back" inspiration to get me going)
Now that I think about it, that was one of the first times I learned to hone my personal power.It was years later that I realized how much power I wielded in that crappy job because at that point in my life I felt completely and utterly unworthy and powerless. Ive got to save that for the power post. But perhaps thats why I had the dream. Because I just realized, I did lose my power. Nobody took it from me, but I completely lost it. And I don't feel good about myself at all. All of the feelings from that time in my life have been coming to the surface this week. (this could be largely due to the fact that the asswipe situation largely mirrors a pattern I grew up with and Im powerless to help just like I was powerless to prevent back then)Im not quite sure what to do with them. And I think that the lesson the brilliant Ms. Trix inspired me to contemplate is in what Im supposed to do with all of this. Except I dont exactly know how to get to a place of strength again. Which makes it interesting as a personal journey because the individual incidents have already started to fade in my mind but the feelings of being weak stupid ugly unworthy and unpleasant to be around are not. Towards the end of the week, I found myself apologizing for things over which i had no control or influence. In retrospect, I was apologizing for being myself.
I wanted to wrap this up with something profound and hopeful but Im naked, the turnip just woke up and appears to be loudly arguing with himself in his crib and gret will be here in a few minutes. So, Ill be back later in the day and I will continue to work on my inner wilt (if you will bear with me).
Thursday, August 09, 2007
There is no fucking rainbow
So as Im sitting in the bathroom of my favorite sheetz this evening, a wave of sadness washed over me. I am not sure where it came from but suddenly I knew exactly what Judy Garland meant when she made that observation while throwing all that lawn furniture into the swimming pool.
Most of the time, Im pretty optimistic. I think the world is a good and beautiful place. I believe in the ultimate goodness of all human beings (even if that goodness is nestled way down under a whole mess of hurt) I trust people to be honorable. I believe that everyone is trying their best.
At 5:20pm, in my beloved pachouli (sp) scented sheetz bathroom (pachouli (sp) you ask? I know! I too am often pleasantly surprised by the delightful aroma)it occurred to me that I have zero evidence that any of this is true. In fact, it hit me like a ton of bricks. So much so that I actually wandered out of the bathroom clutching an empty toilet paper roll because I forgot I was not at home protecting tp from a opportunistic and far too creative two year old. Most of my daily experiences offer substantial evidence to the contrary. The world is a shit sandwich. People trying their best are really only looking out for their own best interest. People pick and choose what they are honorable about. You show me any person who is high and mighty about their own altruism and I will show you the same person being shitty in other ways. Because I really just don't believe that people are that good anymore. Not in general anyway.
I say this with great respect and deference to my gentle readers who i certainly hold in great esteem. This is my whiny "why do I even fucking bother getting out of my bed in the morning?" post. Well, besides to attempt to protect my two precious babies from the imminent taint of this cruel sick world. Admittedly, my current sense of hopelessness is most likely compounded by the fact that for the past three hours my household dynamic bears more than a slight resemblance to the Jean Paul Sartre play "No Exit". If I were not experiencing it personally, I might be amused by the way the three of them are consistently pissing each other off tonight. Instead Im sitting here nursing a headache that seems to accompany my seriously shattered illusions.
You know what though friends? The beautiful thing about the human spirit is our amazing ability to deny and forget. It might take a few days or weeks for my pollyanna outlook to come back but it always does. Ill forget the 5:20 feeling that I would never feel good about another human being for the rest of my life. The moon will look beautiful. Faces will shine for me again. Someone's best efforts will make me cry with amazement. Ill go back to expecting a new possibility for joy around every corner.
And maybe next time Im in that sheetz bathroom, I wont be clenched up inside because my job involves convincing a ten year old boy that his mother does not care about him without having to say the words to him. And that it needs to be my job because until he understands that, he will not be able to heal.
And if not, at least Ill have the pachouli (sp).
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
The direct correlation between my procrastination and my increased blog posting
Or Random Slashes Of the Insomniacal Mind if you prefer:
- Yesterday was a very sad tuesday. I would say it was the saddest tuesday Id ever had but my Grammy died on a tuesday so that is a trump right there. Yesterday was sad in a ridiculous way. Thankfully i have soul friends like Luckybuzz to see me through and share her own angst (which is way less ridiculous considering she is moving across the country as we speak)
- Speaking of LB, here is my favorite line of the weekend. "You want to know if sex with her was bad? Sex with her was so bad its the only time I ever said 'You guys go ahead and finish on your own. Im going to bed.'" (how many times were there that you didnt have to say it LB? wakawakawaka! wiggling my eyebrows suggestively at her)
- I think ive found the trigger for the early rising. Time release on the adderall. I know that this is probably a big fat duh for most of you. Sometimes it takes a while for me to develop insight . In both the ways of pharmaceuticals and the ways of the world.
- I also think my general inability to focus may be largely due to the fact that im fairly certain i get little if any REM sleep. You all know I wake up several times a night. Again, never made the leap.
- Here is one of the many reasons I love my darling Gill . He doesnt believe its all aderall related and thinks i cannot relax. Which is interesting considering how lazy I am. So he is giving me meditation advice and he is reminding me things like empty your mind. "so you are breathing and a thought comes into your head like "why is crse such a big asshole? You breathe and let it go." Turned out I misheard the name and it applied but that was pretty damn funny.
-And another reason for devotion. During the instruction he shared with me that he is currently listening to a prolonged ringtone on his Ipod to help him relax. How do you not want to spend forever with a man whose Ipod contains podcasts from organizational specialists, buddhist lectures, the hour of slack and ringtones?
-Sadly after about thirty seconds the ringtone became less relaxing and more like a trigger for a psychotic break. But hey, thats just me.
- I am going to sit in a hot house with an overbearing German woman who is suspect in her own cleaning and grooming. That is the first thing I am doing today. I will probably be there for several hours. I tell you this because although i havent bathed since monday, I cannot find the motivation to do so because i will clearly stink by the time I leave her. Its unavoidable. Did I mention she also cooks things like hotdog and califlower goulash?
- My favorite across the pond correspondent Lina wrote an interesting post about sexual power today. It really got me thinking. I think I may blog about this. Ive noticed some doubt being cast on my own personal power recently. Gret and I have talked about this and we are not sure where it came from. I plan to explore this further. Because it may surprise you to know this? But I think Im pretty darn powerful.
-Ive come to realize that in terms of child rearing, Norm responds best to positive reinforcement and turnip responds best to physical restraint.
Ok I feel the report inspiration coming upon me.......yes....right after i eat some cereal and check out CNN.
- Yesterday was a very sad tuesday. I would say it was the saddest tuesday Id ever had but my Grammy died on a tuesday so that is a trump right there. Yesterday was sad in a ridiculous way. Thankfully i have soul friends like Luckybuzz to see me through and share her own angst (which is way less ridiculous considering she is moving across the country as we speak)
- Speaking of LB, here is my favorite line of the weekend. "You want to know if sex with her was bad? Sex with her was so bad its the only time I ever said 'You guys go ahead and finish on your own. Im going to bed.'" (how many times were there that you didnt have to say it LB? wakawakawaka! wiggling my eyebrows suggestively at her)
- I think ive found the trigger for the early rising. Time release on the adderall. I know that this is probably a big fat duh for most of you. Sometimes it takes a while for me to develop insight . In both the ways of pharmaceuticals and the ways of the world.
- I also think my general inability to focus may be largely due to the fact that im fairly certain i get little if any REM sleep. You all know I wake up several times a night. Again, never made the leap.
- Here is one of the many reasons I love my darling Gill . He doesnt believe its all aderall related and thinks i cannot relax. Which is interesting considering how lazy I am. So he is giving me meditation advice and he is reminding me things like empty your mind. "so you are breathing and a thought comes into your head like "why is crse such a big asshole? You breathe and let it go." Turned out I misheard the name and it applied but that was pretty damn funny.
-And another reason for devotion. During the instruction he shared with me that he is currently listening to a prolonged ringtone on his Ipod to help him relax. How do you not want to spend forever with a man whose Ipod contains podcasts from organizational specialists, buddhist lectures, the hour of slack and ringtones?
-Sadly after about thirty seconds the ringtone became less relaxing and more like a trigger for a psychotic break. But hey, thats just me.
- I am going to sit in a hot house with an overbearing German woman who is suspect in her own cleaning and grooming. That is the first thing I am doing today. I will probably be there for several hours. I tell you this because although i havent bathed since monday, I cannot find the motivation to do so because i will clearly stink by the time I leave her. Its unavoidable. Did I mention she also cooks things like hotdog and califlower goulash?
- My favorite across the pond correspondent Lina wrote an interesting post about sexual power today. It really got me thinking. I think I may blog about this. Ive noticed some doubt being cast on my own personal power recently. Gret and I have talked about this and we are not sure where it came from. I plan to explore this further. Because it may surprise you to know this? But I think Im pretty darn powerful.
-Ive come to realize that in terms of child rearing, Norm responds best to positive reinforcement and turnip responds best to physical restraint.
Ok I feel the report inspiration coming upon me.......yes....right after i eat some cereal and check out CNN.
fulfilling my bloggerly duties
This is so late and I am ashamed. Thankfully the entertaining and somewhat more responsible Ms. Trix triggered this because she just did it on her blog. My guilty pleasure blog friend Bunny tagged me for this as well. Cant star yours though ms. bunny because that was some mad alliterating baby.
It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)
Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.
After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!
Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!
1. Look, read, and learn. *****-http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. *****-http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! ****-http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments.**-http://chattiekat.com/
5. Develop your own "voice" don't "borrow" someone else's***-Mizmouthy
6. Always avoid awesomely annoying and aggravating alliteration. Bunny
7. Read your posts, not only for errors but for tone. Especially on controversial topics. Crse
ok i tag you! (sorry stealing trixie's cheat on this!)
It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)
Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.
After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!
Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!
1. Look, read, and learn. *****-http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. *****-http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! ****-http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments.**-http://chattiekat.com/
5. Develop your own "voice" don't "borrow" someone else's***-Mizmouthy
6. Always avoid awesomely annoying and aggravating alliteration. Bunny
7. Read your posts, not only for errors but for tone. Especially on controversial topics. Crse
ok i tag you! (sorry stealing trixie's cheat on this!)
Sunday, August 05, 2007
At least im consistent
If given the choice of taking advantage of a quiet house knowing i have to completely make shit up improvise a report by 9am tomorrow, will i a) eagerly forge ahead on the report, regardless of the fact that I CANT FIND THE DAMN DATA? or will i b) Decide to read the "words of the day" in the urban dictionary all the way back to january?
As if you needed an actual answer:
obvi im just slackalackin tonight. Standard. but dont worry this treewear gonna be sobangbang its out the cuts bro.
As if you needed an actual answer:
obvi im just slackalackin tonight. Standard. but dont worry this treewear gonna be sobangbang its out the cuts bro.
From Happy to Crappy
No, Im not feeling crappy but it had a nice ring to it so I went with it. And this is not a post about shit (sorry to disappoint my more fecally oriented friends). Its about people who go crappy on you.
Why do crazy people "get away" with so much? Im not talking mental health consumers here who've actually sought out help. Im talking about how there is always that ONE person in every family or work environment (Madame Fabu, you know of whom I speak)
who turns everything to crap. Seriously? Im talking about every asswipe (male or female) that makes your stomach sink when you know you have to see them. If you know much about the clinicality of the social being, you would define them as "personality disorders" or "Axis II". Now dont confuse this with people you might be pissed off at. Im generally pissed off at a lot of people who are not asswipes per se. But Ive noticed that I tend to get pissed off at non-asswipes that I don't know very well. If I know you well? And you are my people? I can put a positive spin on every thing you do. (I learned this lesson the hard way after jeopardizing friendships and being a jerk because I was so sure i was "right" and "being wronged" but I digress. And because I often inadvertently do crappy things to my friends and they never even call me on it) So get any random objects of your pissed-offness out of your head while you identify. I know you know what Im talking about here people. Go ahead, take a minute to summon your own personal asswipe *........
Image firmly in place? Good. Now tell me people. Why the hell do we have to act like nothing is wrong with these people? Why do they have a "get out of crazy/hurtful/spiteful/meanspirited behavior free" card? If these folks ever sought professional help, it only lasted until they were asked to take accountability for their behavior. Intellectually, I understand that "taking the high road" and "picking your battles" and even "biting your tongue" are all the right things to do. But dammit, Im sick of being an EMOTIONAL HOSTAGE. (writing that in big letters looks kind of stupid but its the only way I can effectively rant with satisfaction). Sometimes, I just want to know WHY CANT YOU JUST PLAY NICE WITH OTHER PEOPLE? Because thats what it always comes down to. Just please play nice. Dont be mean to children. Dont say and do things that would hurt your own feelings. Especially after you made the point of letting people know how much it hurts your own feelings when that thing happened to you. Because then you just look petty and cruel. Granted, this is probably not what many of you would want to say to your own asswipe, but the thing with asswipes is they wouldnt be asswipes if they werent such asswipes! Know what I mean?
Ok I feel much better now. And this friends is why I am in therapy. (Hey! That should be a label!)
Edited to add: As always if you are reading this blog, I don't mean you
Why do crazy people "get away" with so much? Im not talking mental health consumers here who've actually sought out help. Im talking about how there is always that ONE person in every family or work environment (Madame Fabu, you know of whom I speak)
who turns everything to crap. Seriously? Im talking about every asswipe (male or female) that makes your stomach sink when you know you have to see them. If you know much about the clinicality of the social being, you would define them as "personality disorders" or "Axis II". Now dont confuse this with people you might be pissed off at. Im generally pissed off at a lot of people who are not asswipes per se. But Ive noticed that I tend to get pissed off at non-asswipes that I don't know very well. If I know you well? And you are my people? I can put a positive spin on every thing you do. (I learned this lesson the hard way after jeopardizing friendships and being a jerk because I was so sure i was "right" and "being wronged" but I digress. And because I often inadvertently do crappy things to my friends and they never even call me on it) So get any random objects of your pissed-offness out of your head while you identify. I know you know what Im talking about here people. Go ahead, take a minute to summon your own personal asswipe *........Image firmly in place? Good. Now tell me people. Why the hell do we have to act like nothing is wrong with these people? Why do they have a "get out of crazy/hurtful/spiteful/meanspirited behavior free" card? If these folks ever sought professional help, it only lasted until they were asked to take accountability for their behavior. Intellectually, I understand that "taking the high road" and "picking your battles" and even "biting your tongue" are all the right things to do. But dammit, Im sick of being an EMOTIONAL HOSTAGE. (writing that in big letters looks kind of stupid but its the only way I can effectively rant with satisfaction). Sometimes, I just want to know WHY CANT YOU JUST PLAY NICE WITH OTHER PEOPLE? Because thats what it always comes down to. Just please play nice. Dont be mean to children. Dont say and do things that would hurt your own feelings. Especially after you made the point of letting people know how much it hurts your own feelings when that thing happened to you. Because then you just look petty and cruel. Granted, this is probably not what many of you would want to say to your own asswipe, but the thing with asswipes is they wouldnt be asswipes if they werent such asswipes! Know what I mean?
Ok I feel much better now. And this friends is why I am in therapy. (Hey! That should be a label!)
Edited to add: As always if you are reading this blog, I don't mean you
my new happy place
What is significant about this picture is that this is our own Luckybuzz holding both their hands after turnip yanked away from me so he could hold her hand. I almost cried. In the good way. I have so much to say about the visit but im a little too sad and almost forced Gospel Bob to gnaw off his own limbs to get away.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Crse and the horrible terrible no-good very bad day
Trip Highlights:
-Arrived at fabu household at 930 on the dot. (as planned) Senor had gone to get the tickets for the park.
-940: Senor arrives with one ticket but a plan of action. We all load up ready to tackle the plan.
-10am: Drove to municipal building. They had three tickets. We needed 8.
-10:08am: Promised Norm that a sheetz breakfast was about to happen and that Sheetz was in eyesight range.
-10:12am: Drove to Credit Union as per muni recommendation while promising Norm that we were only feet away from the sheetz still.
-10:13am: Watched the "ticket team" walk out of the bank empty handed.
-10:14am: Stopped trying to convince norm we were going to eat and started whining along with him as we headed to triple A.
10:22am: Picked up a very disgusted Madame Fabu from the triple A parking lot as she informed us that we did get one more ticket but senor does not have his wallet and that we just needed to go to Sheetz.
10:30- Finally made it to sheetz where we hooked back up with the rest of the fabus and ordered our breakfasts. Personal breakfast consisted of a fruit smoothie, a banana and a little cup of cheerios. (this is foreshadowing)
10:40- Left Sheetz and finally were on our way.
10:50- Bad feeling in stomach. Gill must pull over.
10:51- Puked bananas and fruit smoothies on the side of the road.
10:53- repeat last two time-line entries.
10:56- On the road again!
11:10- Stopped by a corn field so Norm could pee.
11:30- Noticed our buick lesabre (aka mid-sized sedan of my dreams or simply "the mistress") was missing out.
11:30-12:15- Tense dialogue between Crse and Gill about what the Mistress wanted and how she was being handled. Crse ominously repeating "Mistress doesn't like it when you (fill in the blank as needed)...put the gas to the floor/speak roughly to her/ punch the steering wheel." Gill dismissing crse's warnings saying Mistress needed to learn her place while shifting gears in what can only be described as displeasing to her. Crse softly singing "She will turn your face to alabaster, when you find your servant is your master" as Mistress continues to stall more and more frequently.
12:15- Stop to pick up one of the few fun and pleasant extended family members from Senor Fabu's side. Norm pees again.
12:20- Continue to the waterpark noting that the engine "rest" did not improve Mistress's mood.
12:35: Almost got wiped off the freeway during a merge as Mistress would not accelerate above thirty miles per hour. Pulled over to side of freeway. Remind Norm, the screaming Turnip and Gill that this indeed is an adventure and all was ok.
12:36- Receive frantic call from the Fabus who realized we were gone. Thwarted an effort to switch and continue ahead with Madame and the fabulettes while senor and the children stayed with gill.
12:40- Gill returns to the car and accusingly asks when the last time the oil was changed. Crse counter-accuses Gill of confusing the issue. Gill notices oil sticker dated from last november. Crse tries to convince Gill she goes to a special guy who doesn't use stickers. Gill replies, "he must not use oil either because you are down two quarts." Norm attempts to restore harmony in the car "guys guys guys...we are in public". Crse apologizes for calling Gill a dickhead and Gill basks in the glory of knowing the Mistress's problems are Crse's fault.
12:41- Consult with Fabus about attempting to find a gas station at the next exit, refill oil and top off coolant.
12:42- Gill turns on HEAT FULL BLAST and rolls down windows claiming he was "cooling the engine" although everyone in the car knew he was punishing Crse for the oil transgression.
12:50- arrived at Sheetz (because it's everywhere you want to be). Crse takes children in to wash them off while Gill does required maintenance. Rendevous with Fabus who reaffirm that we are all ok and we were almost there.
12:55- Depart for a heat filled yet eventless ride to the waterpark.
1:30- Arrive at the gate of the waterpark to meet the rest of the folks in our party. Perhaps day would be ok after all. And it was until.....well just read on.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You met him as "The turnip" You knew him when he earned the nicknames "turnado" for his destructive tendencies and "nocturner" for his lack of sleep at night. Friends, with great alarm, he has evolved into what Madame Fabu has dubbed "The Turnimator".
Ill save you the stories of him attempting to belly flop in the pool and running into the street to the point that he's lost "outside privileges". Last night tops them all.
By around 730 all of the adults were quite pleased with how the children were handling the day. We had found a nice little niche where the turnip and the littlest fabu were riding a kiddie helicopter ride over and over again. It had gotten to the point that they didnt even have to get out because not that many kids were riding. I was extremely excited because the turnip showed none of the fear that his brother had at his age in terms of rides. He was delighted with everything and quite content to settle into the helicopters.
Now friends, the helicopters swooped. They went up around fifteen feet and then swooped back down in a circle. I believe the incident occurred around the eleventh time on the ride. I should have seen it coming when he tried to stand up before the ride started. I never imagined what would happen next. The ride was going around and Gill was watching while I faced the other way chatting with Madame Fabu. Im not sure if it was the collective gasp or if Gill said something but I turned around to see my baby in midair, climbing from the back seat of the helicopter to the front. I remember screaming. I remember Madame Fabu telling me that it was ok and that he was sitting down again. I remember the attendant with her hand over her mouth (clearly well-trained in emergencies, as well as the safety guidelines of proper buckling). I remember yelling "please stop the ride". I remember Gill dragging him out of the helicopter while the littlest fabu was looking at him with an "I wouldnt have even tried that one" look. And of course the turnip all the while is screaming with indignation. And that is how we left the park. So fifteen days into being two we've already also lost "kiddie ride privileges".
I just want to put him in a foam box until he is four and possesses reasoning skills.
-Arrived at fabu household at 930 on the dot. (as planned) Senor had gone to get the tickets for the park.
-940: Senor arrives with one ticket but a plan of action. We all load up ready to tackle the plan.
-10am: Drove to municipal building. They had three tickets. We needed 8.
-10:08am: Promised Norm that a sheetz breakfast was about to happen and that Sheetz was in eyesight range.
-10:12am: Drove to Credit Union as per muni recommendation while promising Norm that we were only feet away from the sheetz still.
-10:13am: Watched the "ticket team" walk out of the bank empty handed.
-10:14am: Stopped trying to convince norm we were going to eat and started whining along with him as we headed to triple A.
10:22am: Picked up a very disgusted Madame Fabu from the triple A parking lot as she informed us that we did get one more ticket but senor does not have his wallet and that we just needed to go to Sheetz.
10:30- Finally made it to sheetz where we hooked back up with the rest of the fabus and ordered our breakfasts. Personal breakfast consisted of a fruit smoothie, a banana and a little cup of cheerios. (this is foreshadowing)
10:40- Left Sheetz and finally were on our way.
10:50- Bad feeling in stomach. Gill must pull over.
10:51- Puked bananas and fruit smoothies on the side of the road.
10:53- repeat last two time-line entries.
10:56- On the road again!
11:10- Stopped by a corn field so Norm could pee.
11:30- Noticed our buick lesabre (aka mid-sized sedan of my dreams or simply "the mistress") was missing out.
11:30-12:15- Tense dialogue between Crse and Gill about what the Mistress wanted and how she was being handled. Crse ominously repeating "Mistress doesn't like it when you (fill in the blank as needed)...put the gas to the floor/speak roughly to her/ punch the steering wheel." Gill dismissing crse's warnings saying Mistress needed to learn her place while shifting gears in what can only be described as displeasing to her. Crse softly singing "She will turn your face to alabaster, when you find your servant is your master" as Mistress continues to stall more and more frequently.
12:15- Stop to pick up one of the few fun and pleasant extended family members from Senor Fabu's side. Norm pees again.
12:20- Continue to the waterpark noting that the engine "rest" did not improve Mistress's mood.
12:35: Almost got wiped off the freeway during a merge as Mistress would not accelerate above thirty miles per hour. Pulled over to side of freeway. Remind Norm, the screaming Turnip and Gill that this indeed is an adventure and all was ok.
12:36- Receive frantic call from the Fabus who realized we were gone. Thwarted an effort to switch and continue ahead with Madame and the fabulettes while senor and the children stayed with gill.
12:40- Gill returns to the car and accusingly asks when the last time the oil was changed. Crse counter-accuses Gill of confusing the issue. Gill notices oil sticker dated from last november. Crse tries to convince Gill she goes to a special guy who doesn't use stickers. Gill replies, "he must not use oil either because you are down two quarts." Norm attempts to restore harmony in the car "guys guys guys...we are in public". Crse apologizes for calling Gill a dickhead and Gill basks in the glory of knowing the Mistress's problems are Crse's fault.
12:41- Consult with Fabus about attempting to find a gas station at the next exit, refill oil and top off coolant.
12:42- Gill turns on HEAT FULL BLAST and rolls down windows claiming he was "cooling the engine" although everyone in the car knew he was punishing Crse for the oil transgression.
12:50- arrived at Sheetz (because it's everywhere you want to be). Crse takes children in to wash them off while Gill does required maintenance. Rendevous with Fabus who reaffirm that we are all ok and we were almost there.
12:55- Depart for a heat filled yet eventless ride to the waterpark.
1:30- Arrive at the gate of the waterpark to meet the rest of the folks in our party. Perhaps day would be ok after all. And it was until.....well just read on.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You met him as "The turnip" You knew him when he earned the nicknames "turnado" for his destructive tendencies and "nocturner" for his lack of sleep at night. Friends, with great alarm, he has evolved into what Madame Fabu has dubbed "The Turnimator".
Ill save you the stories of him attempting to belly flop in the pool and running into the street to the point that he's lost "outside privileges". Last night tops them all.
By around 730 all of the adults were quite pleased with how the children were handling the day. We had found a nice little niche where the turnip and the littlest fabu were riding a kiddie helicopter ride over and over again. It had gotten to the point that they didnt even have to get out because not that many kids were riding. I was extremely excited because the turnip showed none of the fear that his brother had at his age in terms of rides. He was delighted with everything and quite content to settle into the helicopters.
Now friends, the helicopters swooped. They went up around fifteen feet and then swooped back down in a circle. I believe the incident occurred around the eleventh time on the ride. I should have seen it coming when he tried to stand up before the ride started. I never imagined what would happen next. The ride was going around and Gill was watching while I faced the other way chatting with Madame Fabu. Im not sure if it was the collective gasp or if Gill said something but I turned around to see my baby in midair, climbing from the back seat of the helicopter to the front. I remember screaming. I remember Madame Fabu telling me that it was ok and that he was sitting down again. I remember the attendant with her hand over her mouth (clearly well-trained in emergencies, as well as the safety guidelines of proper buckling). I remember yelling "please stop the ride". I remember Gill dragging him out of the helicopter while the littlest fabu was looking at him with an "I wouldnt have even tried that one" look. And of course the turnip all the while is screaming with indignation. And that is how we left the park. So fifteen days into being two we've already also lost "kiddie ride privileges".
I just want to put him in a foam box until he is four and possesses reasoning skills.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Where the hell have I been?
Ack. Family madness. we will leave it at that.
What do I have to report? Hmmm not much. We are on "vacation". Apparently when your children are small "vacation" does not imply relaxation. Instead we have a mad family fun week with the fabus planned. Tomorrow is a water park/amusement park. Thursday is the zoo. Friday is the lake.
You know its going to be a bad visit when the doctor asks your five year old if he eats healthy and he looks at you nervously.
I just baked cookies that melded together at the bottom of the pan. Am i going to throw them away? hell no. We will chop them with knives and we will eat them heartily.
McDonald's has consistently pissed me off these past few months. I have very low expectations to begin with so to disappoint me is difficult in terms of fast food. But they have done so. And verily I am pissed.
I really WANT to go to the fabus tonight for ribs and corn. I really NEED to clean and prepare for tomorrow. Ill let you know how that ends up.
We are getting a land line so I can fax things in accordance with new work requirements. Gill is pissed and wants me to "e-fax" although the land line is cheaper. I felt intimidated by e-fax anyway. He is calling me an idiot and deemed the extra cost an "idiot tax". Once again proving my point that I will endure about anything to get my own way.
I think we all know how bad i suck and how far behind i am. No need to beat it into the ground....
What do I have to report? Hmmm not much. We are on "vacation". Apparently when your children are small "vacation" does not imply relaxation. Instead we have a mad family fun week with the fabus planned. Tomorrow is a water park/amusement park. Thursday is the zoo. Friday is the lake.
You know its going to be a bad visit when the doctor asks your five year old if he eats healthy and he looks at you nervously.
I just baked cookies that melded together at the bottom of the pan. Am i going to throw them away? hell no. We will chop them with knives and we will eat them heartily.
McDonald's has consistently pissed me off these past few months. I have very low expectations to begin with so to disappoint me is difficult in terms of fast food. But they have done so. And verily I am pissed.
I really WANT to go to the fabus tonight for ribs and corn. I really NEED to clean and prepare for tomorrow. Ill let you know how that ends up.
We are getting a land line so I can fax things in accordance with new work requirements. Gill is pissed and wants me to "e-fax" although the land line is cheaper. I felt intimidated by e-fax anyway. He is calling me an idiot and deemed the extra cost an "idiot tax". Once again proving my point that I will endure about anything to get my own way.
I think we all know how bad i suck and how far behind i am. No need to beat it into the ground....
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Here is the thing about rats
*The more I learn about rats, the more i want to like them. They are freaking BRILLIANT. Screw chimpanzees (monkey eating monsters that they are), forget about the gorillas (i dont mind gorillas per se, but lets face it. Intellectually, the gorilla is no rat). Its rats. According to those who know, pet rats are friendly, lovable, clean, smart and gentle. They are the ultimate pet. In some cultures rats are seen as sacred. They are thought to hold souls of those who've passed (I think). I embrace this rat reverence wholeheartedly. There is only one small problem.
RATS SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME. I mean they HORRIFY me. And I am ashamed. Why must they be so appalling to me? Cognitively, I understand that rats did not cause the black plague. To be honest, I only have a vague idea of what the black plague is anyway. And Im not afraid of fleas. (I mean i dont want them or anything but they don't have what i like to call "the cootie effect" on me physiologically) So rats go through garbage looking for food. Dare I judge? I was actually physically inside a dumpster once many years ago pulling out discarded belongings left by a wealthy but frivolous woman. It was not my proudest moment but i still have a pair of sandals from that long ago foraging expedition.
I just stared at the screen debating whether I should share this next part but Ill tell you friends. This post is about healing. I need to be honest here. Because accepting that I have a problem is the first step to overcoming it right? You may find me repulsive after this. So be it. Go with God.
Sometimes? If I really dont want to eat something completely tasty but really bad for me, I spray it with windex after i put it in the trash. Because I am afraid I would be too tempted to pull it out and eat it. Who am I kidding sometimes? Ive been doing this my whole adult life. Ive been doing it so long that while I dont have any distinct memory of pulling food from the garbage, I obviously must have done or considered it at some point or there would be no need for windex. Dont judge me people. Im trying to build bridges here.
At this point in time, I cannot imagine getting past my revulsion. (And we ask ourselves, is it not a reflection of my own self-loathing? Perhaps....Perhaps) Thanks to everyone from the promoters of junk science to george orwell to the creepy acrobatic rat that appeared in the dumpster behind "the bar" many years ago (the same rat to whom I attribute the onset of my life defining existential crisis) I am scarred by the rat-hating culture that is the curse of my generation. I dont know if I can move past this. And I am ashamed.
Why do I tell you this friends? Because tonight friends? Tonight I took my boy to a movie and together we cried over the pain of a crazy little rat trying to make it in the big city. (ok I cried. He may have missed the deeper message of the film, but we were definitely together. Sharing popcorn.) My xenophobic speciesism needs to be crushed in the name of truth. I need to look deeply into my inner rat and learn to love and celebrate it.
Right now, it doesnt seem possible to move past this. But friends, last week I ate an onion**. A raw onion. And Im still here.
Yes, I ate a raw onion. And now I know that nothing is beyond my reach.
* I found the rat cartoon here. And I give my humble thanks.
** it has come to my attention that the phrase "ate a raw onion" implies that I ate a whole onion. In actuality I ate a small ring, a strand if you will. It was about the size of a nickel around. One Small Strand of Onion. One Giant Step for crse
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I heart my in-laws!
Well folks, we are back from the spreading of the ashes of the guy we never met, and let me tell you…its been a long strange trip. Do you know what is worse than not have internet in the mountains? Having constant live blog fodder and being powerless to blog. Ah well, at least I can offer you a retrospective in dashes:
- We stayed with gill’s aunt M and Uncle J. Aunt M did not seem happy to meet me but did tell me soon after to ignore the mess because “we might not be clean here but we are happy” (it really wasn’t that dirty at all)
- Her words actually made the whole stale cigarette smoke/really strong cat piss smell seem more pleasant than it normally would have been. Im not joking. (I think it only smells that way because they have three cats)
- Apparently, it is not customary in the clan of Gill to offer food or drink to anyone over the age of five, no matter how long you are planning on staying. Food is served at meal times but nobody offered me beer ever. I got one beer all weekend. The gill clan is totally a byob clan.
- Aunt M vacillated between totally awesome and a mean spiteful harridan. As you all know, this is exactly what I look for in a mother figure so I was right at home.
- Until she made me eat a raw onion.
- Yes you read that right.
- She made me eat a raw onion.
- She was like kryptonite to my pickiness powers. Id never experienced anything like it. And correct me if Im wrong faithful readers, but Im pretty sure Ive never wanted to punch a senior citizen before either. So that’s two first for crse right there….
- We slept in the family camper which was parked in the driveway. We shared these accommodations with Gill’s niece and nephew. I had thought it a bit unpleasant the first night as my pillow ratio wasn’t good and there were blanket issues (plus peeing outside).
- I felt particularly at home with the gentlemen who ended up being my Drunk Old Men Posse (DOMP) ( most of gill’s uncles and older male cousins). There were points throughout the trip when I was positive they were the only ones who liked me. (despite the byob crap)
- Turns out the first night was a fucking five star hotel compared to the second night which involved me needing to pee five times, the turnip waking up shrieking for an hour and a half at four am and the foul odor of sauerkraut that permeated the whole trailer because someone left a used crockpot right outside one of the windows. (I know that makes no sense. The weekend was kind of like that.)
- Gill completely bailed on me Friday and stayed in the camper until 530 with a “headache” leaving me completely alone with a group of people who knew me only as the woman who kept gill away from the family for 13 years. The DOMP spent a good deal of time during the day at some sort of “man club”. I missed them sorely.
- By 530 Friday, the only people being remotely pleasant to me were my father in law and a stinky cousin of gill’s who would have been somewhat attractive if he didn’t have that raging stench.
- Stinky has two iguanas and spent a great deal of time graciously attempting to enlighten me about these fantastic little wonders of nature.
- Im really scared of iguanas now.
- Stinky’s stench (or what gill and I now refer to as “the taint”) lingered in the oddest of places. I am still getting whiffs of it here and there. Its very disturbing.
- Kojak and Dolly both came through for me Friday evening. It was nice to have a relatively sober contingency.
- By Saturday I was talking trash playing cards with the DOMP and exchanging addresses and emails.
- I was also getting good gossip from Aunt M and the rest of the girl cousins.
- I developed a full scale loathing for a smarmy rotund man who thankfully was not related to “us” . I was excited to hear everyone secretly dislikes him too!
- The memorial on Saturday consisted of us all walking over to a tree and having the wheelchair bound aunt toss ashes from the dead uncle onto the tree. It was kind of odd because the ashes kept kicking up and she ended up getting them all over her. She did not seem bothered by this.
- I went from being ok with my own uncles to having two totally favorite uncles in law.
- My absolute favorite Uncle patted my ass when I left. He was drunk of course. I took this as a clear symbol that I had been accepted into the tribe.
- How can I not feel at home with anybody (read: my favorite uncle) who sets up a picture like this?
- We stayed with gill’s aunt M and Uncle J. Aunt M did not seem happy to meet me but did tell me soon after to ignore the mess because “we might not be clean here but we are happy” (it really wasn’t that dirty at all)
- Her words actually made the whole stale cigarette smoke/really strong cat piss smell seem more pleasant than it normally would have been. Im not joking. (I think it only smells that way because they have three cats)
- Apparently, it is not customary in the clan of Gill to offer food or drink to anyone over the age of five, no matter how long you are planning on staying. Food is served at meal times but nobody offered me beer ever. I got one beer all weekend. The gill clan is totally a byob clan.
- Aunt M vacillated between totally awesome and a mean spiteful harridan. As you all know, this is exactly what I look for in a mother figure so I was right at home.
- Until she made me eat a raw onion.
- Yes you read that right.
- She made me eat a raw onion.
- She was like kryptonite to my pickiness powers. Id never experienced anything like it. And correct me if Im wrong faithful readers, but Im pretty sure Ive never wanted to punch a senior citizen before either. So that’s two first for crse right there….
- We slept in the family camper which was parked in the driveway. We shared these accommodations with Gill’s niece and nephew. I had thought it a bit unpleasant the first night as my pillow ratio wasn’t good and there were blanket issues (plus peeing outside).
- I felt particularly at home with the gentlemen who ended up being my Drunk Old Men Posse (DOMP) ( most of gill’s uncles and older male cousins). There were points throughout the trip when I was positive they were the only ones who liked me. (despite the byob crap)
- Turns out the first night was a fucking five star hotel compared to the second night which involved me needing to pee five times, the turnip waking up shrieking for an hour and a half at four am and the foul odor of sauerkraut that permeated the whole trailer because someone left a used crockpot right outside one of the windows. (I know that makes no sense. The weekend was kind of like that.)
- Gill completely bailed on me Friday and stayed in the camper until 530 with a “headache” leaving me completely alone with a group of people who knew me only as the woman who kept gill away from the family for 13 years. The DOMP spent a good deal of time during the day at some sort of “man club”. I missed them sorely.
- By 530 Friday, the only people being remotely pleasant to me were my father in law and a stinky cousin of gill’s who would have been somewhat attractive if he didn’t have that raging stench.
- Stinky has two iguanas and spent a great deal of time graciously attempting to enlighten me about these fantastic little wonders of nature.
- Im really scared of iguanas now.
- Stinky’s stench (or what gill and I now refer to as “the taint”) lingered in the oddest of places. I am still getting whiffs of it here and there. Its very disturbing.
- Kojak and Dolly both came through for me Friday evening. It was nice to have a relatively sober contingency.
- By Saturday I was talking trash playing cards with the DOMP and exchanging addresses and emails.
- I was also getting good gossip from Aunt M and the rest of the girl cousins.
- I developed a full scale loathing for a smarmy rotund man who thankfully was not related to “us” . I was excited to hear everyone secretly dislikes him too!
- The memorial on Saturday consisted of us all walking over to a tree and having the wheelchair bound aunt toss ashes from the dead uncle onto the tree. It was kind of odd because the ashes kept kicking up and she ended up getting them all over her. She did not seem bothered by this.
- I went from being ok with my own uncles to having two totally favorite uncles in law.
- My absolute favorite Uncle patted my ass when I left. He was drunk of course. I took this as a clear symbol that I had been accepted into the tribe.
- How can I not feel at home with anybody (read: my favorite uncle) who sets up a picture like this?
She is HERE!!!
Born Monday July 16th (I forget what time), 7 lbs 11 oz, and twenty inches long and WAY BEAUTIFUL! go see her
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Thursday Thirteen Camping Edition
I know I should have blogged before about the trip and ONCE AGAIN Im so far behind on your blogs it breaks me heart! How do I even begin to tell you about the weekend. Chocolate Vodka, apple pucker and citron. Lots and Lots of junk food. Best summed up in a thursday thirteen to be sure:
1. It is very impolite to start eating other food when a group of people start to sing happy birthday to you.
2. It is even more impolite to interrupt someone who is spilling their heart out to borrow batteries because the confessor just looks so darn pretty in the firelight.
3. I have really really hot friends. Some of them like to be naked and some of them are happier leaving their clothes on. Im not naming names.
4. When bears attack, the important thing is to save the liquor. Then go for the electronics. But if you have to make a sacrifice, just save the liquor.
5. Gretty is very mean if you try to sleep in her bed. She is not too generous with the space and she pokes you everytime she hears you snore. If you sleep with gretty, you will spend a good portion of the night clinging to the edge of the bed trying to be quiet. On the other hand, you will have no qualms about posting pictures like this to pay her back:
6. Then again, my dearest friend Roxie did absolutely nothing to warrant the posting of this picture, but frankly i thought her pose was almost artistic, sort of like the demi moore cover of vanity fair. She is not puking, she is standing up from her piss.
7. Moe thinks that she is a bad bed mate because she snores. Moe's snoring did not keep me awake at all. However, she does flail around like a flamingo on amphetamines. But she does not poke you meanly when you snore. Which means she is a good room-mate. And does not get embarrassing pictures of her posted. Gretty.
8. Fire and toileting. My two very favorite things. Introducing the destroylet, a propane toilet:
I tried to get the flames but my timing was bad.
9. One thing I love about my friends is that we could all be sitting around and someone could blurt out something like "I have abnormal sexual thoughts about molesting kangaroos" (or something just as off the wall)and everyone will nod understandingly and no matter what it is, someone will jump in and say "Yeah that happens to me sometimes."
10. Why I will never make a successful vegetarian: "What is it that you don't like in the dish?" "Well, I think its the flavor that tastes like pre-digested vomit"
11. Feather is the absolutely perfect person to have around to deal with unsettling smells in the wild. For example, when i smell rancid chicken lard, she smells home cooking. When I smell what appears to be the result of bait and hot food stored too closely together, she smells home cooking.
12. Freaky step-ladders, lots of vodka, and bad knees do not a pleasant end of the evening make.
13. My wimmin rock ASS!!!!!
NOw Im off to the mountains again with my in-laws for some old fashioned ash spreading. (Im starting to think of gill's family as the folks who put the fun in funeral)
1. It is very impolite to start eating other food when a group of people start to sing happy birthday to you.
2. It is even more impolite to interrupt someone who is spilling their heart out to borrow batteries because the confessor just looks so darn pretty in the firelight.
3. I have really really hot friends. Some of them like to be naked and some of them are happier leaving their clothes on. Im not naming names.
4. When bears attack, the important thing is to save the liquor. Then go for the electronics. But if you have to make a sacrifice, just save the liquor.
5. Gretty is very mean if you try to sleep in her bed. She is not too generous with the space and she pokes you everytime she hears you snore. If you sleep with gretty, you will spend a good portion of the night clinging to the edge of the bed trying to be quiet. On the other hand, you will have no qualms about posting pictures like this to pay her back:
6. Then again, my dearest friend Roxie did absolutely nothing to warrant the posting of this picture, but frankly i thought her pose was almost artistic, sort of like the demi moore cover of vanity fair. She is not puking, she is standing up from her piss.
7. Moe thinks that she is a bad bed mate because she snores. Moe's snoring did not keep me awake at all. However, she does flail around like a flamingo on amphetamines. But she does not poke you meanly when you snore. Which means she is a good room-mate. And does not get embarrassing pictures of her posted. Gretty.
8. Fire and toileting. My two very favorite things. Introducing the destroylet, a propane toilet:
I tried to get the flames but my timing was bad.9. One thing I love about my friends is that we could all be sitting around and someone could blurt out something like "I have abnormal sexual thoughts about molesting kangaroos" (or something just as off the wall)and everyone will nod understandingly and no matter what it is, someone will jump in and say "Yeah that happens to me sometimes."
10. Why I will never make a successful vegetarian: "What is it that you don't like in the dish?" "Well, I think its the flavor that tastes like pre-digested vomit"
11. Feather is the absolutely perfect person to have around to deal with unsettling smells in the wild. For example, when i smell rancid chicken lard, she smells home cooking. When I smell what appears to be the result of bait and hot food stored too closely together, she smells home cooking.
12. Freaky step-ladders, lots of vodka, and bad knees do not a pleasant end of the evening make.
13. My wimmin rock ASS!!!!!
NOw Im off to the mountains again with my in-laws for some old fashioned ash spreading. (Im starting to think of gill's family as the folks who put the fun in funeral)
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
BAARSSS!!!
Well friends, there are many pictures, stories, videos and other blackmail fodder from this weekend. As you can see, there was decadence abound. I learned a quite a bit about myself, my friends and nature this weekend. And now that we are safely home, I feel like I can safely say I really wouldnt have pulled a george costanza on the baby if the bears had come back and attacked us. Pitures will be on the way. Now, Im just happy to be home and alive and want to say MY FRIENDS ROCK HARD!!!!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Wild Weekend in the Wilderness
Folks, Im goin' camping! (in the "staying at a cabin with beds, electricity a toilet and other required amenities" sense)Its an all wimmin weekend (Yeah thats crse with a y buster!) with seven of my closest friends from "back in the day". Most have them have been mentioned here before but in my typical "crse has to confuse the hell out of us" manner, i will change their names a year into my blog by letting them pick their own monikers because friends? Its gonna be a live blog weekend! Actually probably a check in between naps and drinking weekend but still hoping to provide my blog buddies with live action reports straight from the scene of what may well prove to be the highlight of this summer's ugly season. Stay Tuned.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Fucking Weasleys
Im so sorry Lucy, Pippa and all my other beloved Potterheads. Its not them really. Its just that i surpassed my 10,000 visitor yesterday and I had been looking forward to it for soooo long. Guess what it was? AN IMAGE SEARCH FOR THE FUCKING WEASLEYS!!! Im getting tons of them! Yes they are cute, Yes I realize I scored them for the potter character(s) i would most likely sleep with. BUT ITS ALL ABOUT ME PEOPLE!!! (ok and gret too this week) Im going to delete that damm picture right now.
Because you cant possibly get enough of that crazy Gretty stuff:
Thirteen Aspects Of Grettability:
1. She is an artist. She uses all sorts of mediums and her work is amazing. Its not just my bias. She actually sells her work for money. To strangers.
2. She and I both have undergrads in Religious Studies. We went to college at the same time, and had several mutual friends but our paths never crossed and we did not know each other then. (Granted I was on the tommy boy ten year plan, dropping out of school for reasons like I got good cable or was planning a road trip to Alaska with my friend J)
3. She went to Scotland to earn her master's degree.
4. She has been married twice but is not currently married at this point in time.
5. She was very alarmed to come home to a surprise party on a relatively recent birthday because at first she thought it was an intervention. (this makes me laugh every time I think of it)
6. She has a reputation as being a flake in certain circles but she has been one of the most consistently reliable people Ive ever dealt with on a daily basis.
7. She runs an unofficial flop house for animals. (although I think she is in denial about this. I think she thinks most people generally have foster dogs for months at a time.) Animals seem to have a sixth sense that she is a pushover.
8. She is amazing in times of crisis. I can even back that up statistically with the fact that she is 82% zombie proof.
9. She once spent a month in Russia.
10. She is extremely protective of her siblings, particularly her younger sister.
11. Meeting her, you would not think she would be good with children (no offense baby but need I refer to "the picture"? and BTW id do anything if you gave me permission to post that picture) but she really is sensitive to them and children tend to adore her. She is also completely neurotic about their safety.
12. She loved horses as a little girl. I used to have all kinds of theories about little girls who loved horses but she shattered them because she is not anything like what you'd think a girl who'd love horses would be.
13. When we are someplace and people mistake us for sisters, I never correct them because i am secretly really flattered by this, because she is really pretty and it would be so cool to be her sister.
BONUS GRETISMS: Two I forgot from yesterday.
(to my husband for making her late, by not getting home on time)(again, complete serious deadpan) If I had a dick, you would be sucking it all day long tomorrow.
(one day pensively) Sometimes I wish I had made the choice early on to really commit and dedicate myself to (and im thinking its career or self growth related) the path of hardcore alcoholism. Life would be so much simpler then. Still not enough Gret? Stay tuned....
1. She is an artist. She uses all sorts of mediums and her work is amazing. Its not just my bias. She actually sells her work for money. To strangers.
2. She and I both have undergrads in Religious Studies. We went to college at the same time, and had several mutual friends but our paths never crossed and we did not know each other then. (Granted I was on the tommy boy ten year plan, dropping out of school for reasons like I got good cable or was planning a road trip to Alaska with my friend J)
3. She went to Scotland to earn her master's degree.
4. She has been married twice but is not currently married at this point in time.
5. She was very alarmed to come home to a surprise party on a relatively recent birthday because at first she thought it was an intervention. (this makes me laugh every time I think of it)
6. She has a reputation as being a flake in certain circles but she has been one of the most consistently reliable people Ive ever dealt with on a daily basis.
7. She runs an unofficial flop house for animals. (although I think she is in denial about this. I think she thinks most people generally have foster dogs for months at a time.) Animals seem to have a sixth sense that she is a pushover.
8. She is amazing in times of crisis. I can even back that up statistically with the fact that she is 82% zombie proof.
9. She once spent a month in Russia.
10. She is extremely protective of her siblings, particularly her younger sister.
11. Meeting her, you would not think she would be good with children (no offense baby but need I refer to "the picture"? and BTW id do anything if you gave me permission to post that picture) but she really is sensitive to them and children tend to adore her. She is also completely neurotic about their safety.
12. She loved horses as a little girl. I used to have all kinds of theories about little girls who loved horses but she shattered them because she is not anything like what you'd think a girl who'd love horses would be.
13. When we are someplace and people mistake us for sisters, I never correct them because i am secretly really flattered by this, because she is really pretty and it would be so cool to be her sister.
BONUS GRETISMS: Two I forgot from yesterday.
(to my husband for making her late, by not getting home on time)(again, complete serious deadpan) If I had a dick, you would be sucking it all day long tomorrow.
(one day pensively) Sometimes I wish I had made the choice early on to really commit and dedicate myself to (and im thinking its career or self growth related) the path of hardcore alcoholism. Life would be so much simpler then. Still not enough Gret? Stay tuned....
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Happy Birthday Gretty!
Its Gretty's birthday! I have so many interesting current events things to post about but it took me TWO ENTIRE HOURS to catch up on your blogs friends! Rockdog was just talking about blogcrushes and my problem is im totally crushed out on every single blog i read. And I have to update my roll because there are more crushes that you might not even know about! Anyway, i digress, I want to dediate this to my darlin gretty. I cant even begin to tell you how much she means to me (although tomorrow should yield a "thirteen things about gretty" list). Ive actually been collecting quotes from her for a while to make a TT but my short term memory sucks so Im going to start posting them as they happen. And for her birthday, Here is a top ten of quotable Gret:
1. {Firmly, with indignation) There is no symbiotic relationship between the weasel and the human!
2. If that Microtel could talk…..
3. Yeah I went on quite the trampage around that time….
4. So my mom was up on vacation and she had the chickens with her of course.
5. (to norm) You need a shirt that says “Im a winner!”
6. (again to norm) Don’t blink the lights like that. You are going to trigger my sociopathy.
7. Most people would have crossed the line to creepy a long time ago. I like to think we are special.
8. (Dora saying “what was your favorite trick?”)(To dora) When you died.
9. He has tourette’s and before you get excited, its not the good kind.
10. Once I have steps, the only other thing Im going to need (my boyfriend) for is that second income!
1. {Firmly, with indignation) There is no symbiotic relationship between the weasel and the human!
2. If that Microtel could talk…..
3. Yeah I went on quite the trampage around that time….
4. So my mom was up on vacation and she had the chickens with her of course.
5. (to norm) You need a shirt that says “Im a winner!”
6. (again to norm) Don’t blink the lights like that. You are going to trigger my sociopathy.
7. Most people would have crossed the line to creepy a long time ago. I like to think we are special.
8. (Dora saying “what was your favorite trick?”)(To dora) When you died.
9. He has tourette’s and before you get excited, its not the good kind.
10. Once I have steps, the only other thing Im going to need (my boyfriend) for is that second income!
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