Signs of personality deterioration or "you might be watching too much c-span if...."

I want to blame the illness but in my darkest heart, I fear and know the illness is only a mask. I think if I had more free time and television control, this could easily become my life. It's too late for me friends, but to make sure this doesn't happen to any of you, here are warning signs to look for:

- You are bummed on the weekends because you know the congress segments are all reruns.
- You watch the segments anyway in case they are showing different parts you might have missed.
- You become giddy when you see they are re-showing an oversights committee hearing involving Roger Clemens testimony on steroids.
- You plan your day around the hearing.
- You find yourself holding your bladder until the fifteen minute break so you won't have to miss anything.
- While trying to rest and listen, you are playing your own personal guessing game of trying to figure out the political leanings of each representative based on their line of questioning.
- You have stats for the game.
- You won't be able to play much longer because you are starting recognize reps by their voices without even looking at the screen.
- You become enraged with other reps and shout insults at the screen between fits of coughing. (you subsequently get an unpleasant glimpse about what being old is going to look like for you)
- You find yourself repeatedly fantasizing about how, if an oversights committee ever got shitty with you during whatever hearing you might be subpoenaed to, you would suck up all their allotted time being argumentative and chastising them for rudeness.
- You realize that maybe just maybe, your crush on Russ Feingold isn't...well...normal.


On the positive side, Ive made my decision for the primary. More later....right now I have to get back to catch Vladimir Putin....

Why I can't win friends and influence people

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Im back...sort of..

Sorry for the absence folks, didnt mean to alarm anyone! Im just now recovering from being sick and twisted literally (figuratively of course I still am). Ill be back with reports about my kindergarten breakthrough and the adventures of Madame Fabu's mad and bitter weekend. (It stemmed from her week. Policy prevents her from sharing too much with me in terms of work difficulties, but I know its been a bad week when she spends saturday morning yelling "Fuck you, I know you are lying" at Paula Deen and the Barefoot Contessa.) Hope you folks are all well!

apparently im swimming in fetid sewage in my sleep

Because now i have pink eye. On top of everything else.

I dont like vomit.
I dont want to admit how much I dont like vomit.
I wish I didnt know how much I know how much i dont like like vomit.
I hate that I have written vomit four times in this blog and said it many more times today.
I am only slightly less bitter that the vomit in question isnt mine. Especially since I spend way less time with my own vomit as a general rule.
Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. And popsicles.
I think I need you all to know that I am way over vomit.

It was kind of funny watching the er doctor recoil when he saw pepe today. I wanted to introduce them to each other but I was not feeling well enough and didnt want to compromise my pink eye diagnosis.


I found six dollars.
But I forgot to by bread.
Gretty made a nice cream chicken dinner.
I think the six dollars means tomorrow will be better.

and it continues

Well folks, it was the strep. Im now on a lovely anti-biotic for ten days. And my dr. after 8 years of treatment, still believes im capable of consistently remembering to take a pill three times a day for ten days. It would be sweet if it werent so alarming. Still I dont give up. Got the first six down with 24 more to go! Nothing exciting to report beyond the achiness and exhaustion although Ive developed a painful and tickly cough situation. I really have nothing but I will offer you a little snapshot of what r and r at the panflutemaster house is like.

Me sound asleep, at the edge of my conscience i know trouble is coming because i hear little running feet coming closer to my door. In bursts norm. Screaming. "MOM.MY! My....DADDY....IS ....BEING....MEAN....TO....ME!!!!" oh lord here we go. "how is he being mean". "Sob...sob...incoherent scream...COM....PUT...ERRRRR". Im too weak to call Gill, "Its ok buddy...your allowed". Its a crap shoot. Im hoping it workds. "NOOOOOOO (imagine the os going up several octaves) sob....sob...jetix.com....incoherent gasp....COM.PUT. ERRRRRR!!!" I really just want death to come at this point. Thankfully, Gill comes in. "What is his problem?" I ask accusingly. For once Gill is not self-righteously gleeful about whatever domination he has achieved. He is as puzzled as I am. "I just dont know what he wants. Buddy I put on Jetix for you." "NOOOOOOOOO!!!(yep the octaves again)...sob..mumble ...sob mumble. NOT THE TV THE COM.PUT. ERRRRRR!!" I weakly ask Gill just to beat him or something. Anything to make the hurting stop. And I get "THATS. NOT. FUNNY. MOMMY. YOU ARE BEING MEAN!!!!" I say Im sorry and gill carries him out of the room. No sooner do i begin to drift but the door slams open and hits the wall. It can only mean one thing. The turnip. I hear his little darth vader breathing as he toddles over to the bed. I try to fake sleep but he is not interested in me. I hear him grab something and he toddles back out making some sort of maraca noise. As I drift off again, the door is opened in such a manner that I can feel the self-righteousness, so i know it is gill. He slams a bottle on the dresser. "Your son had your prescription. Real nice. You should lock your door if you dont want everyone in here". Except when I lock my door I get Norm outside playing his wiggles guitar "can you hear me mommy? Im playing you a song to make you feel better". Someday Im going to look back on all this and feel sentimental and sweet about it. Today is not that day.

no tt

Well folks, after the incredibly unfortunate (yet strangely fortunate) week Ive had, there will most likely not be a Thursday Thirteen. I feel the strep might be coming to me. Perhaps using leftover anti-biotics was not the best choice. Madame Fabu has bronchitis and Norm has scarlet fever (its not as bad as it seems. apparently it was only bad before anti-biotics) so Im going to bite the bullet and go to the dr.

ohhh so much to tell you friends about my week. a black cat walked in front of my car today on my way to work. I called gret freaking out. She said "well, you didnt hit it so maybe thats a good sign". She said she would call back if she thought of anything to make me feel better. We both decided yesterday that some unknown person put a curse on us (perhaps the server at IHOP who screwed up my order for the fifty third time in two years, who I finally complained about). There is a love-in tomorrow night with some purging and healing. If Im not contagious, hopefully i can get this mojo away from me....

The petri dish that is my home

Did I say One? Horrible? Day? Yeah. That would have been my optimistic saturday.

Let me take this opportunity to thank all you good blog friends and well wishers. Im not going to bore you with details. Oh hell. Yes I am. But Ill graciously slash and summarize them!

-People are still sick here. All my RT friends who missed Luckybuzz in town (because it all happened so fast Im sorry!) take solace in the fact that you may have dodged this microbial nightmare. It continues still....

-An overabundance of television watching in the past 72 hours. The small OCD segment of my brain wants to make subheadings for the tv slashes but Im too damn tired and defeated.

-Spongebob continues to get funnier with every passing day. I get joy out of the old episodes but relish the new like long sought after treasures. My favorite SB quote today is Patrick referring to the culprit who made the oyster cry: "I have a few choice words for him. Like you....and are...and a jerk" Brilliant.

-Watched more of our firefly dvds this weekend. Realized that i find redeemable and likable traits about every character except Simon Tamm (River's brother. The dr.) Favorite quote describing this would be Jayne leafing through Simon's journal while pilfering his possessions: "Dear diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." I heart Jayne.

- But who I dont heart is Tana. Now friends, I do not watch the apprentice. I dont watch reality tv in general. So until the level of my annoyance forced me to actually google her, I had no idea she had a past hooked to the overly played bedazzler commercial that has incited me to want to impale her head on a stick after bedazzling a chintzy american flag across her brow. She needs a whole post folks. A whole post.

- Along this line, Ive developed a Tana imitation for Gill's benefit. Except he does not find it beneficial. He may grab and squeeze and poke my broken hand until I stop, but I think he secretly finds it entertaining. Well I do, and isnt that what really matters in the relationship?

-Gill is also in denial about how utterly entertaining my new ring tone is. (We got new work phones, also another post) I really wish I knew how to post sound because IT. IS. AWESOME. If you have a motorola flip, you will know it as the "modern" tone. What do I like about this ring tone? It has a barry white song feel to it. So every time the phone rings, (which it doesnt unless Im calling myself because so far people are refusing to call my new number)(and yes I am calling myself because...) I can break into a little Barry White monologue for him. I really want this for my personal phone so when the bill collectors call and he gets ready to make a nervously charged critical comment, I can be like "hello baby....you lookin mighty fine tonight.....why so tense baby?... you just sit right down and let me rub you all over..." and we are ready for barry to break into song. He thinks this will be annoying. I say, he will experience it. He will love it.

-The Turnip seems to have crossed some sort of personality thresh-hold. Luckybuzz? what do you know about this? I keep telling myself that Norm was this "ornery" and that Turnip is just finding out about the world when he pokes my eye and laughs maniacally at my screams of pain. Thats normal 18 month behavior right?

-Which leads me to my eye goiter, who is named Pepe now courtesy of my friend T. Pepe has sort of metamorphasized into a different form. He does not hurt much on the inside but he is raw and painful on the outside. He also looks like a little mini-eye. (Why am I not yet getting mail to "frankie eyeball"?)

-Gill will not engage Pepe directly no matter how much I try to encourage this. And Norm has asked me please to not let Pepe speak to him anymore. As mentioned above, Turnip LOVES Pepe.

ok well this post is a good example of why i need to get back into the land of the living tomorrow. Sick children or no. Ive put enough leftover antibiotics into me that I should be able to make it at least till february!

Again thanks for the well-wishes and Ill keep working to bring quality entertainment while catching up with all of you folks!

The War on Delaware Avenue

four sick people.
one puker/dry heaver (gill)
one passer-outer/strep throater?/ complete body acher with possible broken hand from passing out (me)
two fevers - (turnip the sobbing sleeper and norm the writhing kicking whiner)

One. Horrible. Day.

more ick

Well the new year has brought a lovely sense of malaise along with it. Im tired im achey and im being an awful blog friend right now. But the thoughts are there friends. And entertainment will be forthcoming so please stay tuned.

Just had to check

Wasnt going to take anymore lunesta but changed my mind at 2am. And yep. I was right. She's a bitch that lunesta. She's got me today friends. She let me eat a banana and check my blogs and she is sending me right back in. Id complain but im too damned tired.

update

And we are now in officially day 8 of the virus that won't let me go. I got the confirmation call today that yes. It is viral. Yes. I have anemia. And yes. my potassium is low. (awkward alert: I realized too late that it was probably socially inappropriate to argue with the nurse as she was explaining my test results. Apparently it is indeed not impossible at all for this to happen despite the fact that I like bananas and had eaten one five minutes before her call) And yes. I can expect this sense of malaise to linger well into the weekend. Huzzah. The good news is, Im officially on a "convalescence vacation". I have so much to do. The illness needs recorded in so many ways. My TT is due. But that will need to wait for tomorrow as will my need to record this lunesta experience (dr. gave me samples so my mind could rest enough for me to sleep...its been...blogabble)

The Princess and The Pea (the rest of the story)

Ok so we all know the story of how the prince is sooo impressed with the princess's delicacy that he marries her outright. What they dont tell you is that the princess proves to be a colossally high maintenance pain in the ass. And when the princess gets sick? its ten times worse (Oh and you have NO IDEA what you missed since the princess didnt blog through her pregnancies). Case in point. The princess (did you know? its a little known fact that the princess was actually the princess of spider monkeys?) currently (hopefully soon to be recently) has the flu. Her prince is forced once again to deal with an incapacitated spider monkey princess. (oh there will be much blogging about this illness trust me) In an attempt to help the princess whose main pillow is soaked with her toxic night sweats, he dissembles the system (yes I said system. Bear in mind though, the man is not new. He KNOWS about the five pillow system. After all, isnt that why he fell in love with the princess in the first place? Her delicacy?) and throws them in the dryer.

Sadly, the fairy tale does not end well. As the princess defies her prince's dubious faith in her ability to function in the throes of her illness and bravely faces the stairs to actually remove the pillow from the dryer herself and re-case it. She even briefly contemplates putting the wet clothes on top of the dryer into the dryer. Briefly. Please remember folks, she is a delicate princess. As she finally drags her poor fever addled body back into the bed, horror awaits her. Her feather pillow has molted. Quills are poking in her brain. As she waits patiently for her prince to return from the grocery store with the royal princlet spider monkeys, she is slowly fighting insanity. Her neck stiffens. Is it the proverbial pea? (ok, the molting feathers) or slowly ensuing meningitis? Her fever rages at this point because the royal family did not depart for their quest for her theraflu until after 6pm when the prince knew she was completely out at 2pm (stay tuned for upcoming post: "things i could have complained about during my illness and didnt"). As the prince returns he sends a princlet in with the medicine so the princess is forced to call him on the cell phone (Im sure he hears that ring like James Caan hears that scraping crutch in "Misery") (ok I stole that line from my brother but it fits) and share her concerns. The thoroughly disgusted prince says "You don't have meningitis. Switch pillows and go to sleep." And hangs up on the princess.

And that my friends...is what happily ever after looks like.

ughh

So im finally coming back from a BRUTAL bout with the flu. Ive been sicker? but never in so much pain in my life. It was like a chronic 48 hour migraine. Noise hurt. Light hurt. I missed my very first Thursday Thirteen. AND DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO CARE. Anyway, i just wanted to shout out and apologize directly to Pippajo for letting her down with my listlessness! Im a little drained from catching up reading you guys, but ill be back tomorrow i think (barring a relapse).