Monday, November 19, 2007

Maybe this is just a bad dream Monday

It cant possibly be Monday can it? Only Monday? I guess in terms of days it wasnt a BAD day per se. You just know that it isnt going to be the day you want when you here a little perky voice next to you at ten to six saying "guess what mommy? Daddy is gone already! Lets watch some cartoons in bed!" Especially when your viewing buddy is a wiggler, twitcher, climber and commenter. I sensed the day was not going to get better when I had to send Madame Fabu a briefing about a work situation and decided that the most fitting subject line would be "you are just going to love this (and no it's not a forward, its sarcasm)" (thanks for hanging in there with me through all of this today Madame F!) It could have seriously been much much worse. In fact, I now have a new character to introduce into the blog soon. Ive decided to call him Hemlock. He is my new arch nemesis. He is a supervisee and he is like the Lex Luthor to my Superman of passive aggressivity. I don't have the energy to begin the tale right now but I will tell you that he is truly a worthy adversary. As annoying and manipulative as his tactics may be, I often find myself thinking "Well-played sir. Touche."

Im reliving my childhood through my son. Soccer Mom shit? nope. Overfriending his friends? nooo. Apparently my Patsy Ramsey contribution to my son's education is to put off practicing his sight words until TWO days before the end of the nine weeks then try to teach him eight words (six of which he hasn't seen in at least a week) by chasing him around the house with flash cards that I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO CREATING YESTERDAY. Yes son, this is my legacy to you. You are five years old and already learning the art of procrastinating and cramming. Welcome to the amazing world of academics my child. Its all yours. In fact, go on ahead and have a beer because now that we've introduced you to the cycle of guilt, unbearable pressure and the sense of incessant dissatisfaction that emerges once you realize how well you could have done if you weren't such a self-destructive slack ass with avoidant personality disorder, a drinking problem is your next logical step. Seriously though? Next nine weeks will be better. I swear.

I write this pretending that it was only the sight words that escaped our review this past nine weeks. Sadly, you can guess the truth when I share Norm's quote of the night (offered in a tearful scream) "Will you JUST STOP asking me questions about my HANDS?" (it was a left right thing). Mother of the Year friends. Mother. Of. The. Year.

8 comments:

Stinkbait Boucher said...

And so he'll grow up to be an ambidextrous , speed-reading marathon runner with a nagging aversion to card stock and women named Patsy.

You say it like it's a bad thing.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Hey he's got to learn procrastinating and cramming sometime. That will prepare him for college!

Jay said...

Once he's got the procrastinating and cramming thing down you can teach him to play quarters and he'll be ready for college. ;-)

Canada said...

Just be thankful it isn't twentyfuckingfour French words a week. To be recognized by gestures. And then circling the correct word on the page. Words and phrases like "comment ca va" (and I can't make a cedille, nor do I know how to spell it) and "fantastique" and "oublier"

Clearly, you and I need to get together for copious amounts of alcohol. If not in person, then maybe on the phone!!!

Bunny said...

Forget the Easy Bake Oven - get Norm an Easy Perk Coffee Maker - he'll need it for those all-night cramming sessions in first grade!

Do they make No-Doz, Jr.?

Lucy said...

Yes, well my little perfectionist/brown-noser/Type A would have woken me up at 1:00AM crying by my bedside if we hadn't studied her sightwords DAILY. There was a weekly sightword race. She won it. Every week. For the whole year. From this side, procrastination seems healthy and normal. And yes, I KNOW she takes after me.

ZigZagMan said...

once he gets the hands thing down...start him off in a life long pursuit of engineering...starting with the beer bong!! :)

Goofs aside buddy, stop beating yourself up..thats what other assholes in life are for!! :)

Lisa said...

Where are you??? :((((