Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Thursday Thirteen Number 24

After spending several hours in a meeting this afternoon that concluded with me making clinical recommendations on how to eliminate "booger smearing behavior" in a patient, I decided writing a thursday thirteen about the ..... peculiarities..of my work would be not only cathartic but would prevent me from thinking too much about the fact that as a little girl, I never really hoped and dreamed that id be discussing booger smearing behavior for a living.

Thursday Thirteen Sentences I Never Wanted To Have To Write.

1. “Patient engages in fecal smearing”. I don’t care how seasoned you are as a professional, that one always makes your stomach sink.
2. “Patient barricaded himself in play castle and shouted profanities at therapist and school staff until castle was dissembled and patient removed from area.”
3. “Patient presented “hello kitty” cosmetic bag that appeared to be filled with her own urine.”
4. “Wrote book “licking people and things” to address patient’s behavior”.
5. “Patient has repeatedly eloped from daycare by removing window pane crawling through window and running away from room toward traffic.”
6. “Patient showed therapist collection of mucus saved in what appeared to be a pickle jar.”
7. “Patient appeared to be stimulating himself by tucking his hands down by his crouch and bouncing as he was laying on his stomach during circle time.”
8. “Patient removed baseboards from walls and attempted to attack school staff with them.”
9. “Patient stuck his finger in his nose several times while shouting IM PICKING MY NOSE AND YOU CANT STOP ME repeatedly.”
10. “Patient is defecating in his pants and then denying it in what appears to be a passive aggressive power struggle move.”
11. “During tantrums, patient is placing spit from his mouth into his hand and hurling it towards therapist.”
12. “Upon arrival, therapist observed patient standing in front of the class, laughing awkwardly and delivering what appeared to be ninja like punches and kicks into the air.”
13. “Patient’s parents reported that they decided to take patient off lithium against medical advice.”

Blogs I like that do TT’s because I don’t have the wherewithal to link anymore

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Ash In Wonderland

Tuesday, January 30, 2007 not

Ok friends, a little PSA for you all. Most of you know I do work in the mental health field. You probably do not know that I had a cognate in ethics in grad school. So...I feel safe in saying, if you are seeing a therapist and this happens? Well, Im just going to let you know, its pretty clear within ethical boundaries of this profession that such behavior is right up there with "take off your pants and let me be your mommy" or "Touching my penis and allowing me to have sex with you will help you overcome your intimacy fears". I figured since this is clearly a grey area, you might want to hear it from a trained professional. Yes, yes you are very welcome.
PS: In case any of my real life readers are nostalgically remembering embarrassing things about the early 90s? I do want to mention that I wasnt even thinking about being a psych major yet when the whole domme thing came up....

Monday, January 29, 2007

why cant i ever be a princess?


Stolen once again from my dorkguru

You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.



The Beast


Peter Pan


Donald Duck






Sleeping Beauty


Snow White


Cruella De Ville




Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with

IM FREAKING GOOFY???I loathe goofy. My laugh is way more delightful than goofy's the hell did this happen to me? Do the folks at disney WANT to push me into a midlife crisis ten years early? And then the BEAST?????? WHAT THE HELL????? It goes down four characters before i even hit someone in my own gender? And then i dont even have freaking LEGS! NICE REAL NICE. I have to go do something feminine RIGHT THIS INSTANT.

for luckybuzz

Ok our heroine is struggling a bit computer wise so Im going to just tell a little tale that could be told in its own right but will touch the heart and the memory of a certain little surly hippy that sure as hell knew how to seal a deal.

To best tell the story, I will just cut to the point in the evening where one of my friends was referring to a boy i was totally crushed out on (but was WAY too much of a dork to seal the deal on that one) (And could probably write a manual of all the ways I RUINED any chance between us). She was sharing how he had drunkenly approached her in a liquor store last year and kind of scared her. In my infinite dignity and class, I grabbed her arm with drunken eagerness "YOU MEAN HE IS HERE IN TOWN? OH MY GOD YOU THINK HE IS STILL HERE? IS HE LIVING HERE?" And she replies "CRSE. IN A LIQUOR STORE! HE WAS SCARY CRSE!" (as if somehow that would be a deterrant). I did calm down only to share one of my new gems (sort of alarming Im SO SORRY GILL! You know I mean this with love)that comes out in my intoxication whenever someone from my past comes up, I seem to need to hit the person next to me and scream loudly "NOW THATS WHO WOULD HAVE HAD MY VIRGINITY IF I WASNT SUCH AN IDIOT". Yep. Real tasteful. Classy even. Just a little scene setter.

THere are only about seven people in the bar, and soon after, I turned around and there was.....Oh god he needs a name. LB? Another man who I would have GLADLY given my (apparently quite disposable in hindsight) flower to. A man that our own luckybuzz managed to bed rather frequently for quite some time. (Is it a sign of sickness that instead of being envious, i gratefully lived vicariously through her at this point in my life? LB tell me i didnt make you give me graphic details? Even if its not true...) A man that I believed was the epitome of all things hot and cool in the late 80s early 90s.

Ive actually had conversations with the LB man over the years. Awkward strange conversations. He is a friendly guy. Sort of quiet but always kind. And hot. So we go through the usual motions. The hug, the "how are you lets see the kids" (like i said he is...kind). Well you can imagine my surprise when our little exchange turns into a bizarre two hour mostly one sided conversation discussing all of his views on child rearing (he has no children, it was quite interesting), dabbled in issues such as racism and spiritual development wandered into REINCARNATION, and settled into the longest monologue ive ever heard about the success of berry scavenging (and subsequent juicing and canning and jelly making) in extending his mother's longevity. And THEN we wandered into his father's tax issues before his death. Sometimes friends, I play conversation games. I see how many completely non-commital responses i can say in a row without a break. I broke new records last night.

And friends? All I wanted....all i wanted during the whole conversation..was to get lb on the speakerphone and draw her into this bizarro sex fantasy world of my early 20s. And thats what it was. Kind of like superman? turns bizarro right in front of you.

I think the saddest part of this whole post is that had i known this side of him back then? I still would have slept with him. But Im thinking LB wouldnt have....

bitch and moan thirteen

Warning: This post contains unfettered bitterness not typically found at chez panflutemaster. Im afraid it might be more painful to read than initially intended. Painful in that "yeesh thats awkward to hear" I apologize for anyone feeling awkward. But know this is a very nice release for me and normally im not nearly this bitter and DAMN this felt good to write! Or feel free to move on until funnier posts arrive

Ok i promised luckybuzz a good story but before i do that, i am really compelled to do this today. Ive actually been waiting all weekend to do this! As many of you know, I have no contact with my mother. She does not know that the turnip exists nor that I moved. Its ugly and horrible and she tried to sue us (my brothers, sils, gill and i) (well it was vague about her intent after buddy got us our own lawyer) but anyway she also does not know about buddy's youngest daughter either. Or that they moved. Or mostly anything that happened after september 2004. Anyway, As you also know I have a therapist through which i deal with thse issues. (must call therapist btw) And you may even know I read a really neat blog (thats also become therapeutic)from winterskibunny (who has other blogs you should check out while you are there) who talks about her own estrangements. Anyway she wrote a great TT last week about 13 things she likes about being estranged and I was telling Gret about it. I told her id love to do that list but it seemed too heavy for a TT. She suggested I do it today and I think gosh darn it Im going to! Please dont feel sorry or sad for me guys. I have a blessed life. As my wise brother says, sometimes the world just feeds you a shit sandwich and you just gotta take the bite. Well this happens to be my shit sandwich and its ok....but....drum roll please!


1. I dont dread having to make holiday calls to her where I have to pretend she is sane when she tells me how the world is out to screw her over.
2. I dont have to pretend that she was not a psychotic abusive bitch during my childhood to make her feel better.
3. Im saving approximately 200 bucks a year on presents!
4. I dont have to wonder if she is spreading lies about me to her friends and family. I know for sure now!
5. I dont have to deal with the issue that my dad is completely apathetic about her existence.
6. I can freely bitterly resent that she never had to work a day in her life, did little if any childrearing or housekeeping, blew all the household money on her own needs and whims, and still gets half my dad's pension.
7. I dont have to try to untangle the lies she tells on a regular basis to make herself look good.
8. I dont have to deal with her jackass husband. (whose kids are "estranged" from him too!)
9. I dont have to try to explain why daddy hates grandma (why all the aunties and grandpa hates grandma too btw).
10. I dont have to try to make excuses for all the people in our life that hate her because she treats us like shit and are not afraid to tell her so.
11. I dont have to be bitter that she talks to me and still doesnt want to bother with her grandkids unless its convenient. AND I dont have to deal with having to take care of her when she is here. (she is not disabled, just extremely lazy and complaining)
12. I dont have to deal with her faux "christianity" where she has a pure soul and is righteously forgiven for all of her "mistakes" and never has to take accountability or even admit she is hurting people.
13. I can be a better parent because I just do everything she didnt and dont do everything she did!

Wow, I guess im more bitter than i thought! Ok I think I need a little humor here


1. Its kind of embarrassing being a "mom whore" as my family calls me. Finding a series of middle aged women to fill the void. I use them, throw them away and still feel empty inside. Yet soon Im out cruising for more mom. My name is crse and im a momaholic.
2. It would be so much easier to explain it if others could see it in person.
3. I would be more motivated to not miss sessions of therapy.
4. I miss the thrill of fearing her number on the caller id.
5. Its kind of funny watching gill find creative ways not to try to kill her when she is around.
6. I miss being able to check in with my brothers after being around her with the "swear to god im not like her" conversations. The nahhhs after two years just arent as assuring as the "OH GOD NO" responses from when she was here in person.
7. Fresh new nightmare tableaus on a regular basis!
8. I miss the holiday conversations with my bros and sils reviewing the crappy thoughtless cheap ass gifts shed get us, proclaiming we would not get her anything nice anymore, then relenting because "She's our mother. And we are just better people!"
9. Conversations with her were built in excuses for guilt free weeknight drinking.
10. We discovered dysfunctional family sports after the estrangement. GOd every day would have been like the olympics.
11. It was always interesting to hear the lies she spewed about us when they came from mutual aquaintances who didnt really know any better.
12. If she tried to pull anything like she did when we were growing up, i could press charges. And well....i probably wouldnt but id love to have a police officer look at me and offer the option. With her gone, that will never happen.
13. I still have the fantasy that one day she will call and i will be able to say that oft thought of and golden phrase "I will not talk to you until you have 6 months of honest therapy under your belt".

PS: this was very cathartic. Thank you for bearing with the spew.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

i have the hots for myself!

Taken from my partner in dorkdom Jen

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

We have arrived!

Dorkbloggers is here. Please. Come be dorky with us....


Folks, Jenfactor is on the case. She has clearly tapped a need for many of us and is currently developing a dorkblogging world where we can all feel at home...keep check of both blogs for updates!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. I noticed most of you refused to comment on Dirt. Its sweet how you might think i will stop talking about it if you dont respond. Ha. Anyone care to remember the sonicare toothbrush? which my dear readers thought id quit talking about if you didnt respond? I am committed to this show people. All i will say until next episode is "head in a pickle jar". No I will say "singing head in a pickle jar".

On a more mundane note. Still coughing til i choke. still really beyond tired. Spent some time this morning thinking about the souffle. You never really hear about the souffle anymore. I wonder why? I wonder if its the immanent collapse of the dish. All that pressure to keep it up and then in 20-30 minutes it just collapses anyway. What are we working for anyway? Wow. I just re-read that. Ill stop talking about this now.

So I think Im addicted to sugar. Well I know I am. But is it really an addiction if i have no desire to change? Today im thinking about cornbread and lemon filled cake. I heard chocolate is good for a cough.

So sometimes, its hard to put into words how cute triscuit crumbs stuck to a baby's face with snot can actually be. How do you transcend the grossness to capture the adorability of this?

Thursday, January 25, 2007


Oh and the other thing? A tv update. I LOVE DIRT. I KNOW people I know! Never was a huge courtney cox fan, found friends to be a bit...well...not really my cup of tea. But Id been watching the previews since December (thanks to Aunt Gretty's love for the FX daytime line-up) and thought well, I like Peter Gabriel. I like smut. I think it might work for me! And it does! Its every thing i hoped. Trashy. Lurid. Outrageous. The first three episodes had elements of uber-nasty but still had some cheesy stuff. I just watched last week's episode. And folks, Dirt has joined the ranks of only two other shows in my entire television watching history by being a show that I caught at the beginning and am in love with. (The other two being "newsradio" and "the office"). Its horrilicious! And now gill is watching it too. If you need us? We will be licking the garbage can waiting for next week. The preview had an AWESOME quote that I actually believe i need as a bumper sticker

"If god didnt want us to eat the weak, he wouldnt have made them so delicious" (lucy was eating steak or something when she said that(Im sure its stolen from somewhere but doesnt make me love it any less). Also Gret is watching it too (sorry babe but you are going down with us)

coming into my own...

Ok Im still sick but some interesting stuff to share. Sort of...first of all, thanks to Jen I believe I have a new blogging identity. Or circle. Ive struggled with the label "mommyblogger" for a while. I mean I am obviously a mom but I want my blog to be more than that. I want to encapsulate the whole Crse. Well as much as a blog can. Jen asks in her Thursday Thirteen is there a category for "dorkblogger". And you know what? I stand in front of you all proud and naked (well sit in front of you actually, and actually dressed rather dorkily in grey flower pajama bottoms and a maroon hand me down velour shirt from my brother with navy blue socks on my feet) and say "I AM A DORKBLOGGER". Yes. This is me. Is my blog about being a mommy? Being a professional? Being an aging hippy with lost ideals? No my friends. I think we all know what its about. I AM A DORKBLOGGER!!!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #23

Have you noticed Ive abandoned all attempts to be creative in my header?

Thursday Thirteen Things That Deal With Being Sick At Home With Two Small Children This Week or Thirteen Reasons I Could Not Be A Stay At Home Mom.

1. Ill start with the most disturbing and work backwards. Last night I came dangerously close to taking a picture of my own poop. What is worse, I had almost an entire post written explaining the picture and musing on my inner workings before I realized this was totally across the line.
2. I actually made a video on my phone of the turnip have a screaming fit (where he brings out the torturous high pitched keening noise) and labeled it “free birth control”. I did stop myself from sending it to all my friends with mobile phones. (It’s the stopping myself that I think is good in these first two cases)
3. Ive developed a “no poop past four” strategy for the turnip. The strategy consists of leaving all post 4pm pooped diapers for next shift. The only exceptions to this are if he appears to be uncomfortable or Norm finds the smell unbearable enough to complain louder than the cartoons we are watching.
4. I honestly think my hygiene is suffering drastically. If I miss my bath window during the day (and it’s a very small window) I find it hard to talk myself into grooming at all for the day.
5. I have been walking around all day saying “State of the union? How about the state of my butt?” to the point that even my four year old is annoyed with me. Yet still I giggle gleefully each time.
6. Im fearful that nobody will recognize my magna doodle drawings as the serious cry for help that they are.
7. I find myself being wistful that I haven’t called more 800 numbers to complain about bad service. And reminiscing about this at length.
8. Ive sent Gill numerous texts saying things like “You will be home in 318 minutes.”
9. As much as Norm says he wants to be home with me, he refuses to engage in meaningful conversations with me about why the “wonderpets” need to put on costumes and break into song when there are animals in trouble (Gret, you know you feel this, don’t leave me hanging) and why if Richie Rich is really the richest boy on the planet, why does he waste his romantic energies on freaking Gloria who is the only 12 year old on the planet that makes Carol Brady look like a playboy centerfold.
10. I made place and bake cookies today and burned two batches.
11. I would rather let the turnip make a “Hansel and Gretel” type trail with pretzels throughout the house than face another tantrum like the one mentioned above.
12. I actually lied to norm about the fact that he was eating a stale freezer burned popsicle, convincing him that it didn’t taste right because he was sick in order to slow down his popsicle consumption so I won’t have to leave the house or be alone with the children again until tomorrow.
13. When Gill calls and says he hasn’t left work yet, I say “but its 503?” in an incredulous tone as if to imply this defies the laws of the universe.

Blogs I like that do TT’s because I don’t have the wherewithal to link anymore

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Ash In Wonderland

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

we interrupt the normally scheduled germ laden whining for this important bulletin

Im very good at feeling sorry for myself these days. It doesnt hurt my pity party to have a four year old who now makes a habit of puking from 1am to 4am and an 18 month old who wont sleep during this time for fear he misses some of the action. And of course the party is enhanced by the strep/bronchial pink eye hack fest i bring to the table.

Im guessing that six dollars did turn things around. In the peace of the morning, I was perusing my blogs and when I went to the always entertaining Nancycle's blog. I found this link. Its hard to visit this link and not feel a little grateful that some stupid germs and sleepless small children are all i face today.

And if that doesn't put in perspective? Go see Jen's Wednesday Hero Tribute. Or go see Trixie who is living this personally with grace humor and hope. (and she is cute too!) (actually, i have to say that all referenced blogs here have aesthetically pleasing administrators) (Just didnt want you to think Ive completely abandoned the shallow need to constantly be entertained that I offer my gentle readers here at chez panflutemaster) Ok Ill be returning to the regularly scheduled mindless ramblings now.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

apparently im swimming in fetid sewage in my sleep

Because now i have pink eye. On top of everything else.

I dont like vomit.
I dont want to admit how much I dont like vomit.
I wish I didnt know how much I know how much i dont like like vomit.
I hate that I have written vomit four times in this blog and said it many more times today.
I am only slightly less bitter that the vomit in question isnt mine. Especially since I spend way less time with my own vomit as a general rule.
Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. And popsicles.
I think I need you all to know that I am way over vomit.

It was kind of funny watching the er doctor recoil when he saw pepe today. I wanted to introduce them to each other but I was not feeling well enough and didnt want to compromise my pink eye diagnosis.

I found six dollars.
But I forgot to by bread.
Gretty made a nice cream chicken dinner.
I think the six dollars means tomorrow will be better.

Monday, January 22, 2007

I got tagged weeeee!

Thanks to the fantastic Jen aka factor ten for tagging me!

Very simple meme, take the numbers 1-5 then priceless while matching them up with number type things in your life (you could go to 10 if you want to, Jen went to five. I think I might try ten!).

10. Number of times Ive wanted to throw the wiggles guitar against a brick wall this weekend.

9. Number of times Norm has referenced the "naked brothers band" today (and subsequently the number of mental hate letters ive started writing to nickelodeon network in my head regarding the overhyping of the "naked brothers band").

8. Number of casenotes I hope to write by tomorrow morning to be really ahead of my game in 2007! (dont get too crazy with the idea Madame Fabu...see the word hope)

7. The last number of our present year which has taken on a ridiculous significance to me in that i firmly want to believe that because the year ends in a seven it will be lucky for me. Last week notwithstanding.

6. Number of times Ive worked Pepe the eye sore into conversation this weekend.

5. Number of times Ive seen the episode of spongebob where sandy gets into the land is better than water contest with the sea folk. Its nice to see squidworth be a kind of a team player.....

4. Number of polly pockets currently spread out all over my bathroom in some sort of "polly pocket swim spa" tableau courtesy of norm. They look like they are having such a nice time. I kind of wouldnt mind being at the polly pocket swim spa today.

3. Number of times the 800 number bill collector called today leaving the chatty message trying to apparently lure me into thinking "bill" or "judy" is my friend who I for some reason cant quite remember but should definitely call back to "catch up". Freaking amateurs.

2. Number of times the turnip threw himself against my door sobbing during work phone calls today (sadly, his father was home and apparently thought ineffectually yelling his name in a trailing off voice from the couch while watching the star wars box set for the millionth time was a viable parenting strategy).

1. Number of really awesome prescription tablets needed to reduce bronchial symptoms drastically! YAY!!!

i tag you all!

For Ash

Because she is my hero.

And because I was lucky enough to have the desire and resources to provide for my boys.

And because countless women don't have this.

And because I AM pro-life. And believe women need to have the alternative to choose to end pregnancy safely and legally.

And because abortions will happen anyway, so we need to provide viable options for women and girls.

And finally because you never really know someone else's story.

I dont usually get political on my blog but as someone who works with children, I have seen too much not to have an opinion on this.

If you dont agree, I ask that you remain respectful on my blog. Rude comments will be deleted.

im a little shocked myself

Well stole this from the much more deserving Canada All i can say is this is what i have to show out for several thousand dollars of student loan payments. (who am i kidding? the nerd in me is horrifically giddy)

You know the Bible 98%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

and it continues

Well folks, it was the strep. Im now on a lovely anti-biotic for ten days. And my dr. after 8 years of treatment, still believes im capable of consistently remembering to take a pill three times a day for ten days. It would be sweet if it werent so alarming. Still I dont give up. Got the first six down with 24 more to go! Nothing exciting to report beyond the achiness and exhaustion although Ive developed a painful and tickly cough situation. I really have nothing but I will offer you a little snapshot of what r and r at the panflutemaster house is like.

Me sound asleep, at the edge of my conscience i know trouble is coming because i hear little running feet coming closer to my door. In bursts norm. Screaming. "MOM.MY! My....DADDY....IS ....BEING....MEAN....TO....ME!!!!" oh lord here we go. "how is he being mean". "Sob...sob...incoherent scream...COM....PUT...ERRRRR". Im too weak to call Gill, "Its ok buddy...your allowed". Its a crap shoot. Im hoping it workds. "NOOOOOOO (imagine the os going up several octaves) gasp....COM.PUT. ERRRRRR!!!" I really just want death to come at this point. Thankfully, Gill comes in. "What is his problem?" I ask accusingly. For once Gill is not self-righteously gleeful about whatever domination he has achieved. He is as puzzled as I am. "I just dont know what he wants. Buddy I put on Jetix for you." "NOOOOOOOOO!!!(yep the octaves again)...sob..mumble ...sob mumble. NOT THE TV THE COM.PUT. ERRRRRR!!" I weakly ask Gill just to beat him or something. Anything to make the hurting stop. And I get "THATS. NOT. FUNNY. MOMMY. YOU ARE BEING MEAN!!!!" I say Im sorry and gill carries him out of the room. No sooner do i begin to drift but the door slams open and hits the wall. It can only mean one thing. The turnip. I hear his little darth vader breathing as he toddles over to the bed. I try to fake sleep but he is not interested in me. I hear him grab something and he toddles back out making some sort of maraca noise. As I drift off again, the door is opened in such a manner that I can feel the self-righteousness, so i know it is gill. He slams a bottle on the dresser. "Your son had your prescription. Real nice. You should lock your door if you dont want everyone in here". Except when I lock my door I get Norm outside playing his wiggles guitar "can you hear me mommy? Im playing you a song to make you feel better". Someday Im going to look back on all this and feel sentimental and sweet about it. Today is not that day.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

no tt

Well folks, after the incredibly unfortunate (yet strangely fortunate) week Ive had, there will most likely not be a Thursday Thirteen. I feel the strep might be coming to me. Perhaps using leftover anti-biotics was not the best choice. Madame Fabu has bronchitis and Norm has scarlet fever (its not as bad as it seems. apparently it was only bad before anti-biotics) so Im going to bite the bullet and go to the dr.

ohhh so much to tell you friends about my week. a black cat walked in front of my car today on my way to work. I called gret freaking out. She said "well, you didnt hit it so maybe thats a good sign". She said she would call back if she thought of anything to make me feel better. We both decided yesterday that some unknown person put a curse on us (perhaps the server at IHOP who screwed up my order for the fifty third time in two years, who I finally complained about). There is a love-in tomorrow night with some purging and healing. If Im not contagious, hopefully i can get this mojo away from me....

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

pictures to cheer us all up

well me anyway. im in a january slump. my thursday thirteen will expose the whining and bitching in full. I should never skip bitch and moan monday. it just doesnt bode well for the rest of the week. Anyway, these were taken by doting auntie luckybuzz during her way too brief fly by last week.

Our man Norm will not be distracted from his high stakes game despite the party atmosphere.

And the world is mine once again...come my people, gather round, worship me as is my due.

And here is dirty louie, i think this might be our christmas card next year. Today though it says, "christmas aint over til i say its over now gimme another drink"

Monday, January 15, 2007

I really want to shoot for barry white. Was barry white even an option?

Stolen from the existentially erstwhile Luckybuzz I really dont think this emphasizes my true vaingloriously ways. For my own peace of mind? Im telling myself I am not the fat, white jump suit bloated by peanut butter and lard sandwiches and prescription drugs. Im telling myself that. So nobody tell me different ok? Because I cannot have anything bedazzled in my life right now.

You scored as Elvis Presley. The United States has never been a democracy but actually a monarchy...with it's citizens bowing to one throne. Born in Tupelo, you are the King. You have a tendency to be promiscuous, you'll probably die of a drug overdose or be abducted by aliens, and you're also responsible for the ousting of Jesus/Yahweh from the throne of gold.

Miyamoto Musashi


Steven Morrissey


Elvis Presley


Charles Manson


Sigmund Freud


Dante Alighieri


Stephen Hawking


C.G. Jung


Hugh Hefner


Friedrich Nietzsche


Jesus Christ


Mother Teresa


Adolf Hitler


O.J. Simpson


What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with

The petri dish that is my home

Did I say One? Horrible? Day? Yeah. That would have been my optimistic saturday.

Let me take this opportunity to thank all you good blog friends and well wishers. Im not going to bore you with details. Oh hell. Yes I am. But Ill graciously slash and summarize them!

-People are still sick here. All my RT friends who missed Luckybuzz in town (because it all happened so fast Im sorry!) take solace in the fact that you may have dodged this microbial nightmare. It continues still....

-An overabundance of television watching in the past 72 hours. The small OCD segment of my brain wants to make subheadings for the tv slashes but Im too damn tired and defeated.

-Spongebob continues to get funnier with every passing day. I get joy out of the old episodes but relish the new like long sought after treasures. My favorite SB quote today is Patrick referring to the culprit who made the oyster cry: "I have a few choice words for him. Like you....and are...and a jerk" Brilliant.

-Watched more of our firefly dvds this weekend. Realized that i find redeemable and likable traits about every character except Simon Tamm (River's brother. The dr.) Favorite quote describing this would be Jayne leafing through Simon's journal while pilfering his possessions: "Dear diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." I heart Jayne.

- But who I dont heart is Tana. Now friends, I do not watch the apprentice. I dont watch reality tv in general. So until the level of my annoyance forced me to actually google her, I had no idea she had a past hooked to the overly played bedazzler commercial that has incited me to want to impale her head on a stick after bedazzling a chintzy american flag across her brow. She needs a whole post folks. A whole post.

- Along this line, Ive developed a Tana imitation for Gill's benefit. Except he does not find it beneficial. He may grab and squeeze and poke my broken hand until I stop, but I think he secretly finds it entertaining. Well I do, and isnt that what really matters in the relationship?

-Gill is also in denial about how utterly entertaining my new ring tone is. (We got new work phones, also another post) I really wish I knew how to post sound because IT. IS. AWESOME. If you have a motorola flip, you will know it as the "modern" tone. What do I like about this ring tone? It has a barry white song feel to it. So every time the phone rings, (which it doesnt unless Im calling myself because so far people are refusing to call my new number)(and yes I am calling myself because...) I can break into a little Barry White monologue for him. I really want this for my personal phone so when the bill collectors call and he gets ready to make a nervously charged critical comment, I can be like "hello lookin mighty fine tonight.....why so tense baby?... you just sit right down and let me rub you all over..." and we are ready for barry to break into song. He thinks this will be annoying. I say, he will experience it. He will love it.

-The Turnip seems to have crossed some sort of personality thresh-hold. Luckybuzz? what do you know about this? I keep telling myself that Norm was this "ornery" and that Turnip is just finding out about the world when he pokes my eye and laughs maniacally at my screams of pain. Thats normal 18 month behavior right?

-Which leads me to my eye goiter, who is named Pepe now courtesy of my friend T. Pepe has sort of metamorphasized into a different form. He does not hurt much on the inside but he is raw and painful on the outside. He also looks like a little mini-eye. (Why am I not yet getting mail to "frankie eyeball"?)

-Gill will not engage Pepe directly no matter how much I try to encourage this. And Norm has asked me please to not let Pepe speak to him anymore. As mentioned above, Turnip LOVES Pepe.

ok well this post is a good example of why i need to get back into the land of the living tomorrow. Sick children or no. Ive put enough leftover antibiotics into me that I should be able to make it at least till february!

Again thanks for the well-wishes and Ill keep working to bring quality entertainment while catching up with all of you folks!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

The War on Delaware Avenue

four sick people.
one puker/dry heaver (gill)
one passer-outer/strep throater?/ complete body acher with possible broken hand from passing out (me)
two fevers - (turnip the sobbing sleeper and norm the writhing kicking whiner)

One. Horrible. Day.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Thursday Thirteen Lets say 22

Thursday Thirteen Good Things About 2007.

1. Luckybuzz came for a surprise sleepover!
2. Gretty did not get the job she wanted (which is sad for her but is awesome for me. Im sorry Gretty but you rock my world)
3. Norm puked all over the back seat of my car but my trusty “little buddy” saved all of my work stuff (except for my day planner).
4. Norm did not get sick after that puke incident (although we had a forty minute ride home)(Again, sorry Gretty!)
5. John McCain referred to the handling of the Iraq war as Whack-a-mole. AWESOME!
6. Nobody called me at any time on new years day with a gun to their head! Nor did they call telling me their wife had taken their kids! HAPPY NEW YEAR CRSE!
7. Im kind of managing my money well.
8. Im sort of keeping up with my case notes.
9. I got sick yesterday but haven’t completely succumbed to it. Im not getting any worse! (knock wood)
10. I cancelled the dentist appointment with my Mafioso dentist without any conflict or threat to my safety.
11. I have a rockin’ new tv!
12. I think the nightmares about my mother have stopped (knock wood!)
13. I think the ugly season is officially over. (and im sorry but the stories were way too gruesome to share, which is why I have been silent for much of the season.)

Blogs I like that do TT’s because I don’t have the wherewithal to link anymore

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Ash In Wonderland

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

more ick

Well the new year has brought a lovely sense of malaise along with it. Im tired im achey and im being an awful blog friend right now. But the thoughts are there friends. And entertainment will be forthcoming so please stay tuned.

Monday, January 08, 2007


Last night when we turned on "justice league", Superman was on the screen and he was filling a car full of gas. Not as clark kent. As superman. Then he is driving the car into the wilderness. Next scene he is in this cave. With a beard. Making a fire. With tools. Not with his heat ray vision. It begged some questions. Obviously he was not using his superpowers. Norm would not let me watch long enough to find out the back story.

- can superman control his hair growth through his superpowers?

-Does he shave? get hair cuts?

-if you didnt have superpowers but were somehow stuck as superman, wouldnt you somehow fashion your outfit into something a bit more inconspicuous? At least lose the cape so you can look like an acrobat.

- How did you let this happen?

You are flying here so you didnt lose the powers. Your superpowers dont come with some intuition that a mullet is a really bad idea? Frankly I expected better from my superfriend.

It must have been the weekend for this because very early this am I saw that my cross-coastal twin Jen was having a similar superfriend experience...

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Friday, January 05, 2007

im starting to sense a pattern here

Its 143am. Yup. Wide Awake. Fantastic. Whenever I have insomnia cycles I secretly wonder if Im going to go mad and nobody will notice because im already kind of peculiar. Ok I have no choice people. Must go to slash mode. Why? Because you will thank me. Its much more user friendly to read the slashes than to unjumble the confused paragraphs.

-took the adderrall before nine. Still very focused all day. Still wide awake. Is it the meds? I refuse to give up this med! For the first time since JULY I can efficiently complete tasks er.. stay on topic during conversations well..i noticed im cleaning up after myself more. and thats a really good thing? Right?

-Had a complete "middle child" day. I love being 36 years old and still developing symptoms of full-blown anxiety sickness over people I love possibly being in conflict. (Note i say possibly. I do not even say actively. Thanks for that "gift" Mom)

- I think 2007 is going to be a good year for me. It has a 7 in it. 7s are lucky. Ive decided it would be much more positive for me if I just ignore the fact that I have absolutely nothing from my personal experience or my past on which to base this belief. The turnip has a 7 in his birth-date. ANd gill and I were born in 70. 1997 wasnt a horrible year. All I can actually remember about it was moving into a fairly cool apartment and starting grad school. I also think I cleaned my cupboards during princess di's televised funeral in 97. Cleaning cupboards was such an ambitious task. Go me. I dont remember 87 but how bad could it have been? Im here right? There you have it. 2007. The year of the Crse.

- I understand cognitively that it is extremely irrational to cuss out the dishwasher repair guy for cashing our check already. However, if it takes you a week to return the call for the repair, should I not be entitled to a grace period where you hold onto my check and contemplate the kind universe that brings you people like me who dont rinse their dishes so goo develops in a pipe thus allowing you to swoop in and blow the goo out in less than twenty minutes while charging them almost three dollars a minute?

- Along the middle child line of thought. I just reflected on the fact that I used to play match maker with single folks. I loved setting people up until my friend pointed out to me that every time i did so, the couple would eventually break up and hate each other and one or both would invariably hate me as well.

- I think if this eye thing does not get resolved soon, I may start asking Gill to refer to me as "frankie eyeball" or something equally mob-like. I always wanted a suitable mob nickname and that one would be perfect.

- I think I might be tired! YAY! Thank you for your patience folks. Im probably going to take a lunesta tomorrow to spare us all....

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Thursday Thirteen Insomnia Post. (21?)

I think this could be lame. Also I think I stole the idea from a long ago list from the much cooler than me Ash. But at least I have a list this week! I should have changed the header but now Im too tired!

Thursday Thirteen Things That Im Thinking About At 4am.

1. I really hope the house payment check doesn’t bounce. Even more so, Im really hoping there is money left in the bank so I can go drinking tonight. (Let me rephrase that, I hope there is money so I don’t have to borrow from the Turnip’s piggy bank to go drinking. Because that would be alcoholic. Damn Norm and his new found interest in his own money. And his suspicious mind.) I really wish something would happen that I could pay Gret enough that she didn’t need to get another job.
2. I think Gret was right and Norm is suffering from post-holiday letdown. Im glad he fell asleep at 630 tonight. I hope that helps. Am I ruining him? I should call the daycare. Why am I so phobic about Miss Joy? Gill wont call for me I know he wont.
3. I need to get my haircut soon. It is turning into a jungle.
4. I wonder if my next door neighbor is pregnant yet. I hope so. She is really nice. My friend Andy’s baby is so cute. She is such an awesome Mom. All my friends are good moms.
5. I need to call Lucy on my way to work. I miss her.
6. Im so glad Madame Fabu found that paperwork. It would have otherwise sucked badly. My lock box is working really well. We call it my little buddy. I hope the Fabus come spend the night this weekend. I could use some Madame Fabu down time. And I love the way the littlest Fabu says “george’.
7. I LOVE firefly. I cant wait to get the new DVD player so we can watch it. Oh god the last thing we should be spending money on is a DVD player. But maybe if we manage our money really well…
8. I wonder if I took my adderrall too late in the day. Is that why Im stll up? Tomorrow is going to suck I have a huge day that ends in a two hour home visit with a woman who makes the supernanny look permissive and her father who thinks he is Germany’s next David Hasselhoff. Man that guy freaks me out. Why does he freak me out so much? He is so BIG. Not just tall. BIG. Like his face is big and everything. God why does he have to wear those weird sleeveless wife-beaters? And the tattoos. He is a ridiculous human being. Simply a ridiculous human being.
9. What is wrong with me that I just call a guy a ridiculous human being? I am not a good person deep down. I have a lot of spiritual growing to do. Ill call Lucy tomorrow. She is always good with that stuff.
10. I need to call the dr. and get my back checked. And my eye. I still have that bump and its been a month. I don’t mind looking like Igor for my dog but I should find out if I can do something about it. I don’t want to go yet because I think Im actually at the end of the spiraling out of control eating from the holidays. I really think its over. I haven’t had cookies for breakfast in days and I feel better. I need to take vitamins more.
11. I have to figure out how not to spend any money at work tomorrow. I think Ill make iced tea in the morning. Who am I kidding? Im going to be too tired. I suck. I wonder if I should wear my brown sweater outfit. I still don’t have brown shoes. I wish I had money to buy brown shoes. But I need a haircut first.
12. I wonder if the school is going to charge perfect storm’s family for ripping off the plastic baseboard in the time out room. Her new support worker handled that really well. I feel good about this. I hope she stops hitting soon.
13. This month is going to be different. I wrote progress notes for today and it was good. If I just write them every day the end of the month will be fine. I know I say this every month but 2007 feels different. I have my “little buddy”. And my adderrall is working awesome. When I take it. Even if it keeps me up till 4am.

Blogs I like that do TT’s because I don’t have the wherewithal to link anymore

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Ash In Wonderland

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

ok so the awkward thing might make a little more sense than i originally thought.

- Went to seventh day adventist calling hours tonight. googled the protocol beforehand. forgot to wear underwear. Stockings fell down in the parking lot.

- There was no line or anything. Mourning family just sat in the front pew. It was very odd.

-Mourning friend/co-worker kept thanking me for coming. Kept wanting to reply "I wouldnt miss this for anything". Seemed completely inappropriate. Wanted to say something from my googling about a long sleep but could not bring myself to do so. Just hugged her awkwardly.

- Had the horrible half-hug not sure what to do with ourselves with my mourning friend's husband. Started to lean in for the hug, he shook my hand, tried to pull me in, I resisted. I patted and leaned in. He shifted away and went to stand for the hug. I backed up. He shifted and sat straighter. We both looked at each other dumbly. Thankfully, Spike arrived shortly after I did and interrupted/ended the awkward stand-off.

-As Im walking to the back of the church, I notice a man from my past. A man who dated a schizophrenic girl befriended by my goofy friend elaine. (a girl who in the middle of a bar one night screamed at the top of her lungs during a break in the band "IM A LESBIAN" then threw herself down on Elaine's lap, but I digress). This man was a cross-dresser who may or may not have had bouts of public nudity and stalked Elaine. He also thought he was a zombie. I did not talk to him.

- I tried to share this with Spike. He politely changed the subject.

- The whole calling hours experience lasted less than fifteen minutes.

Now I understand.

well....if the issues fill the magazine rack...

Because I revel in being her copycat and because this test NAILED Luckybuzz I had to take it.

The True Neurotic
You scored 81 anxiety, 85 awkwardness, and 70 neuroticism!
Congratulations, you are The True Neurotic, you nail-biting, conflict-avoiding worrier, you. You're plagued by self-doubt and anxiety, which makes social activity hard--even though you may be well-liked, you feel under a storm of silent criticism. It doesn't help that people give you funny looks for organizing all your pens by color or sharpening your gnawed pencils to a delicate point.

Your high anxiety score implies that you are unable to relax, worry about the future often, and probably are plagued by irrational fears and self-doubt.

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially inept, probably stick out from the crowd, and feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties.

Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors--probably organization, fanatic obsessions (can you recite the entire first LOTR movie?), repetitive mantras, constant checking, or orderly rituals.

See the other results!


The Neat Freak

The Dork

The Geek



The Subtle Neurotic

The True Neurotic

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 97% on anxiety

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 95% on awkwardness

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 86% on neuroticism
Link: The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

do they say this about everyone? i thought i was way more suave than this! (no offense lb, you are suave too but I actually BELIEVED i was suave, whereas you have a charming self-depracation about your suavity which would be reflected in the test). Guffaw about the organization! Just because I prefer to write with black pens and will search to the point of inconvenience to find one doesnt make me "organized" ok? ok and maybe i do have a fanatic obsession with firefly right now and have asked certain family members to refer to me as mrs. malcom reynolds but does that make me ocd? really? And I find sticking to the same prayer ritual an efficient way to communicate my thoughts effectively. SO SORRY my spiritual communing has a diagnosis now.... maybe it only understands virgos...yeah....

Monday, January 01, 2007

Lamest New Year's Eve Ever...(and some resolutions)

We at the panflutemaster house have reached the pinnacle of lameness. Not only did we do absolutely nothing to celebrate the new year's arrival, but the entire team ended up asleep by 1030. We offered to let norm stay up till midnight but he told us the only way we could do that is if wed have to "keep bugging" him to make sure he was up. Gill and I were not going to touch that. I have no good reason why New Year's was so lame. It wasnt because the fabus had family obligations. We knew this in plenty of time. We could have wangled an invite to my brother's house but we didnt bother. We could have done several things but we chose not to. Instead we chose not to leave the house all day. In fact, we basically took turns on the couch and napping while children tore the house apart. It was a gloriously loungy weekend.

So despite the lackluster new year's eve, and my continual sense of exhaustion, I am hopeful today and full of resolution. Im committing them to blog for posterity's sake.

1. I resolve to eat better. I resolve to refrain from cookie breakfasts. Or days with nothing but cookies to eat. Or if I do this, I will do it sporadically at best.

2. I resolve to consistently take my meds. I will not wait until I have a big project due to double up on the adderall after not taking it all weekend. Everyone will be less annoyed if I stick to this resolution.

3. I will stop being so self-depracating. Ive improved assertiveness in some areas, but as Gretty pointed out to me, I do not need to grovel with servers to get my needs met. I will continue on my assertiveness journey.

4. I will attempt to focus on the positive when I am crabby.

5. I will take better physical care of myself. Right now that means calling a chiropractor tomorrow to get my back taken care of. It also means exercising and sleeping and stuff.

6. I will manage my money better. I will be more aware of my spending and make better consumer choices.

7. I will be a better communicator.

8. I will be more patient with Gill especially in his struggles with the children. I will recognize that the balance between us is good and stop framing his parenting as oppressive and growth stunting. I will also stop accusing him of trying to breed serial killers when we disagree.

damn now im overwhelming myself. all this self-talk makes me want to get back in bed. I slept for almost 12 hours on and off last night and im still tired. I think im not sleeping deeply. I dream but the dreams arent particularly good ones. But thats another blog. Happy New year folks!