Thursday Thirteen #23

Have you noticed Ive abandoned all attempts to be creative in my header?

Thursday Thirteen Things That Deal With Being Sick At Home With Two Small Children This Week or Thirteen Reasons I Could Not Be A Stay At Home Mom. 1. Ill start with the most disturbing and work backwards. Last night I came dangerously close to taking a picture of my own poop. What is worse, I had almost an entire post written explaining the picture and musing on my inner workings before I realized this was totally across the line. 2. I actually made a video on my phone of the turnip have a screaming fit (where he brings out the torturous high pitched keening noise) and labeled it “free birth control”. I did stop myself from sending it to all my friends with mobile phones. (It’s the stopping myself that I think is good in these first two cases) 3. Ive developed a “no poop past four” strategy for the turnip. The strategy consists of leaving all post 4pm pooped diapers for next shift. The only exceptions to this are if he appears to be uncomfortable or Norm finds the smell unbearable enough to complain louder than the cartoons we are watching. 4. I honestly think my hygiene is suffering drastically. If I miss my bath window during the day (and it’s a very small window) I find it hard to talk myself into grooming at all for the day. 5. I have been walking around all day saying “State of the union? How about the state of my butt?” to the point that even my four year old is annoyed with me. Yet still I giggle gleefully each time. 6. Im fearful that nobody will recognize my magna doodle drawings as the serious cry for help that they are. 7. I find myself being wistful that I haven’t called more 800 numbers to complain about bad service. And reminiscing about this at length. 8. Ive sent Gill numerous texts saying things like “You will be home in 318 minutes.” 9. As much as Norm says he wants to be home with me, he refuses to engage in meaningful conversations with me about why the “wonderpets” need to put on costumes and break into song when there are animals in trouble (Gret, you know you feel this, don’t leave me hanging) and why if Richie Rich is really the richest boy on the planet, why does he waste his romantic energies on freaking Gloria who is the only 12 year old on the planet that makes Carol Brady look like a playboy centerfold. 10. I made place and bake cookies today and burned two batches. 11. I would rather let the turnip make a “Hansel and Gretel” type trail with pretzels throughout the house than face another tantrum like the one mentioned above. 12. I actually lied to norm about the fact that he was eating a stale freezer burned popsicle, convincing him that it didn’t taste right because he was sick in order to slow down his popsicle consumption so I won’t have to leave the house or be alone with the children again until tomorrow. 13. When Gill calls and says he hasn’t left work yet, I say “but its 503?” in an incredulous tone as if to imply this defies the laws of the universe. Blogs I like that do TT’s because I don’t have the wherewithal to link anymore Did You Ever Get The Feeling? The Knut Hut Snarkypants Ash In Wonderland

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