Ok i promised luckybuzz a good story but before i do that, i am really compelled to do this today. Ive actually been waiting all weekend to do this! As many of you know, I have no contact with my mother. She does not know that the turnip exists nor that I moved. Its ugly and horrible and she tried to sue us (my brothers, sils, gill and i) (well it was vague about her intent after buddy got us our own lawyer) but anyway she also does not know about buddy's youngest daughter either. Or that they moved. Or mostly anything that happened after september 2004. Anyway, As you also know I have a therapist through which i deal with thse issues. (must call therapist btw) And you may even know I read a really neat blog (thats also become therapeutic)from winterskibunny (who has other blogs you should check out while you are there) who talks about her own estrangements. Anyway she wrote a great TT last week about 13 things she likes about being estranged and I was telling Gret about it. I told her id love to do that list but it seemed too heavy for a TT. She suggested I do it today and I think gosh darn it Im going to! Please dont feel sorry or sad for me guys. I have a blessed life. As my wise brother says, sometimes the world just feeds you a shit sandwich and you just gotta take the bite. Well this happens to be my shit sandwich and its ok....but....drum roll please!
1. I dont dread having to make holiday calls to her where I have to pretend she is sane when she tells me how the world is out to screw her over.
2. I dont have to pretend that she was not a psychotic abusive bitch during my childhood to make her feel better.
3. Im saving approximately 200 bucks a year on presents!
4. I dont have to wonder if she is spreading lies about me to her friends and family. I know for sure now!
5. I dont have to deal with the issue that my dad is completely apathetic about her existence.
6. I can freely bitterly resent that she never had to work a day in her life, did little if any childrearing or housekeeping, blew all the household money on her own needs and whims, and still gets half my dad's pension.
7. I dont have to try to untangle the lies she tells on a regular basis to make herself look good.
8. I dont have to deal with her jackass husband. (whose kids are "estranged" from him too!)
9. I dont have to try to explain why daddy hates grandma (why all the aunties and grandpa hates grandma too btw).
10. I dont have to try to make excuses for all the people in our life that hate her because she treats us like shit and are not afraid to tell her so.
11. I dont have to be bitter that she talks to me and still doesnt want to bother with her grandkids unless its convenient. AND I dont have to deal with having to take care of her when she is here. (she is not disabled, just extremely lazy and complaining)
12. I dont have to deal with her faux "christianity" where she has a pure soul and is righteously forgiven for all of her "mistakes" and never has to take accountability or even admit she is hurting people.
13. I can be a better parent because I just do everything she didnt and dont do everything she did!
Wow, I guess im more bitter than i thought! Ok I think I need a little humor here
1. Its kind of embarrassing being a "mom whore" as my family calls me. Finding a series of middle aged women to fill the void. I use them, throw them away and still feel empty inside. Yet soon Im out cruising for more mom. My name is crse and im a momaholic.
2. It would be so much easier to explain it if others could see it in person.
3. I would be more motivated to not miss sessions of therapy.
4. I miss the thrill of fearing her number on the caller id.
5. Its kind of funny watching gill find creative ways not to try to kill her when she is around.
6. I miss being able to check in with my brothers after being around her with the "swear to god im not like her" conversations. The nahhhs after two years just arent as assuring as the "OH GOD NO" responses from when she was here in person.
7. Fresh new nightmare tableaus on a regular basis!
8. I miss the holiday conversations with my bros and sils reviewing the crappy thoughtless cheap ass gifts shed get us, proclaiming we would not get her anything nice anymore, then relenting because "She's our mother. And we are just better people!"
9. Conversations with her were built in excuses for guilt free weeknight drinking.
10. We discovered dysfunctional family sports after the estrangement. GOd every day would have been like the olympics.
11. It was always interesting to hear the lies she spewed about us when they came from mutual aquaintances who didnt really know any better.
12. If she tried to pull anything like she did when we were growing up, i could press charges. And well....i probably wouldnt but id love to have a police officer look at me and offer the option. With her gone, that will never happen.
13. I still have the fantasy that one day she will call and i will be able to say that oft thought of and golden phrase "I will not talk to you until you have 6 months of honest therapy under your belt".
PS: this was very cathartic. Thank you for bearing with the spew.
6 comments:
my mom is a loser mom, truth be told she is the most selfish person I know..but I think you win in the crappy mother contest.
your list makes my fingers itch to do one of my own..I could include my dad, who is basically a good dad...but unfortunately married the wicked witch and ruined what was left of my childhood. My mom never checks my blog, tho I bookmarked it for her when I started it (what was I thinking? now I am held back by the possibility she 'could' visit it some day) and I don't know if my dad checks it or not...
your list is tempting me though.
I still want to do the "Christmas is carnage" post going around in my brain, maybe next year!?
go give your kiddo a hug and enjoy the good parent relationship you have-you as mom.
Jenny in Ca
Jen, Im really glad you shared that. We seem to have similar stories! If you ever want to do a list as a guest spot here id be happy to host you buddy. Christmas is Carnage. I need that t-shirt.
Wow. I'm really glad that you got to get that off your chest. List number 2, my fave is number 3. Sounds very entertaining. And from list number 1 - number 13. You rock, crse, and it takes strength to cut off contact with people, esp family members, even when it's for the best. You are an awesome Mom from all accounts, and Norm and the Turnip are lucky to have you. (may I say it freaked me out seeing the TT because I thought that I had lost a couple of days of my week!)
Wow, your mother and mine are cut from the same cloth! I just wrote a post about her (hwom my brother and I sometimes refer to as the egg donor because we can't stand to call her mother anymore). I can relate to a lot of what you said. SHE is bipolar with multiple personality disorder.
I have the same philosophy as you, try to do the exact opposite of that crazy bingo, and I'll be alright. Sounds like you have your head on pretty straight considering.
I haven't talked to the egg donor in 3 years, after she decided to tell me a week and a half after I miscarried that I was a horrible parent to my oldest. I basically told her to go get bent, she's not part of my family anymore, she had a lot of nerve talking to ME about what a good parent is...I could go on and on... and to have her freakin doc up her meds a few times already.
BTW, don't you hate it when people say, "At least she had you, you should be thankful for that". Someone ( a really nice regular to my blog) said that today in response to my post, and though she meant well, as in - pull your head out of your arse, pick yourself up and move on- but still, people who don't know, should just shut it. I forgive her though because as I said she DOESN"T know, and she is very nice.
I like your blog, I am here via Ash's blog. I'll be back soon!
Aww Guys thanks! Mert you know im a fan, been following you through ash's blog! Im so glad you came by! please come back any time and you too jennifer! i love the company!
Your mom and mine are cut from the same gib. I love hearing about stuff from other people that she has said about me. She is the biggest hypocrite. She is also very miserable. Her favorite weapon is the silent treatment. I have gotten the silent treatment since I have been 5. I have two children of my own now and am attempting to do everything opposite of what she does. People don't understand how you can not talk with your mother. You can only take so much verbal and mental abuse for so long. Unfortunately there is still a mom void it is when you see a good mom which is sometimes hard to deal with. I also feel sorry for my children who will not experience a loving grandmother
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