Friday, September 29, 2006

sick turnip

this aint the happy post. Turnip has a high fever. We go to the dr at 2. Max is whiny. I just want to go to sleep (with the turnip) (and norm if he'd go...).Instead I will compulsively eat until i get a chance to finish my thursday thirteen.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

My job (or) Stay tuned for the happy post

squal·or (skwŏl'ər)
A filthy and wretched condition or quality.

Some days it is very hard to work so closely to So. Much. Pain.

Monday, September 25, 2006

random things that irritate me

Wow this should be my monday theme. Im irritable this evening. its the end of the month which is never fun for me so i think this might be cathartic on several levels.

- the robotic three stooges. Because the original three stooges arent irritating enough.

- the fact that there is no good way to open and close oreos without leaving them flapping in the freaking wind. Do I want to transfer my damn oreos to tupperware? Why? I dont do it for my leftovers. Why would I do it for oreos?

-rude parents of small children. Ok you know what? your kid is NOT THAT CUTE. I WAS JUST BEING POLITE. Instead of answering my inquiry and compliment in a bored irritated tone, you should have a little grace not only for the above reasons, but also because you are making people that you dont even know hate your guts.

-sporks. I fluctuate on this, to be honest. Next week, you could stop by and sporks could be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Today, however, I had a frustrating episode with a spork and they are back on my list.

- people that have no real understanding of the illegal immigrant situation. NEWSFLASH: Illegal immigrants are NOT AFFECTING YOU IN THE MIDWEST OK? They are not taking your jobs. They are not using your resources. In fact, only about twenty five freaking cents of your tax dollars EVERY YEAR goes towards social programs that they could (but might not even) benefit from. You are ALSO NOT AFFECTED BY ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT CRIME IN IOWA OK? Look at the freaking census. Even better, I will give you twenty bucks and then you cannot complain about this for the next 80 years all right? Oh and by the way? Just because some yahoo sends you an email that lists the LA Times (without dates of course) as a source, does not mean that it is actually a source. By definition? You should be able to check out a source without having to go through the past fifteen years of a daily newspaper and "News with views?" IS NOT REAL NEWS!!!!

Ok I feel a little purged now. Back to the case notes....

Sunday, September 24, 2006


So Gill took Norm and the Turnip to the play area at the local mall and guess who came back with a phone number? Yes, my FOUR YEAR OLD picked up an "older woman". Granted, Gill thinks she might have been psycho (because, you know, he clinically diagnoses elementary school girls as a hobby) and Norm was WAY too blase about it for a four year old (or maybe thats because he is four....). When I asked him about what his "girlfriend/wife" princess Fabu was going to think about this, he replied in a voice much older than four..."Do NOT tell her, do you understand? You CANNOT tell her." So Norm is officially a player...

And as Im writing this I realize how fitting it is that he is in the family room playing with the nine year old neighbor girl who frequently comes over to hang out with him....

Saturday, September 23, 2006


Had a horrific dream this morning involving zombies. They were marauding through town in huge bands (a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, a band of zombies. I believe that's the grouping class)creating mayhem. Initially, I was at our first "married" apartment, which actually belonged to a work friend in the dream. (Interesting aside about this friend: she has two little boys almost exactly the same age as mine. Is this significant? I dont know!) We were in some sort of gated community which left the band of zombies outside but we could hear these horrible noises echoing through the entire apartment. Zombie Mayhem. I was never clear what the zombies were doing. Eating brains? (I just made the mistake of consulting with Gill Smoke about zombie activities and got a completely unsolicited "dungeons and dragons" explanation of zombies. Eating brains did come up though, so we will go with that...) It was horrific. Certain we were all going to die, I just waited through the night until about 4am. We then heard a news report that the zombies had started off from our local university and were heading down the express way in the other direction. Sunrise was coming and in the dream, zombies could not tolerate sun.

The next night found me at the home where I grew up. We had just eaten an elaborate dinner (the dream picked up after the meal) and my older brother was cleaning the kitchen (which NEVER happened). I was watching 60 minutes with my father enjoying some sort dream sense of karmic justice (about the kitchen cleaning) and a report came through that they were heading back. We attempted to lock everything but I had the sense of dread that the house was simply not zombie proof. It was extremely disturbing. I cant describe the dread. At that point, Norm (against his father's direct instructions and my pleadings the night before) came in to ask me what time I was getting up (he can't even tell time) and I woke up. I gave little Norm a big hug for getting me out of there. Yet, the whole dream made me realize that my own house is definitely not zombie proof. Not a good feeling at all....

Friday, September 22, 2006


My apologies for my TTers that commented and left their links. I cannot seem to fix my post to add links without turning the entire rest of the post into a link. I am clearly doing something wrong. I think its time to turn to mr. linky. Next week my friends, next week.

You may notice that my time stamp indicates it is roughly 5am. Yes. Welcome to my new pattern. I go to sleep somewhere between 9 and 11 and am up again at 4. Why? Who knows....I then go back to sleep and have some crazy dreams until I wake to either the screaming or the pounding of the walls from the turnip. Oh sometimes I get treated to a small voice saying "You have to get up mommy. turnip stinks and he is making the room all stinky". This is not a nice way to wake up. Thankfully, the children are eternally cute which takes the edge off. I just try to remember that some day Im going to wistfully look back on the time that my 14 month old managed to spill half a chocolate milkshake all over himself and the carpet, grind about a dozen cold french fries into said carpet and grab an entire bowl of cheerios off his brother and fling them all over the living room all within a two minute time span and say to myself "ah they grew up too fast." On a positive note, it's already friday. Which means the weekend is almost here and gill will be able to rein in his band of spider monkeys and give us all some structure. At least for a few days.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Dare I say Thursday Thirteen is up already?

all right my linked people. Im throwing the gauntlet down and listing you already. So get cracking because you are already linked.

Thirteen Very True Things I Could Never Say At My Job

1. (to a field worker) Im sorry to be the one to tell you, all the sixth grade teachers do NOT have a crush on you. Nor do they think you are the best thing that happened to the school since the copy machine. However, they do find you more and more creepy with each passing day.

2. (to the elementary school principal) When you do a complete 180 degree turn and walk in the other direction when you see me? I know it means you don’t like me. The good news is, I don’t like you either so I am not at all upset about not having to pretend to be polite while your voice grates on my ears. It also lessens the amount of time I spend wanting to bitch slap that arrogant smirk from your face.

3. (to the middle school guidance counselor) I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but advising the client to make white fluffy clouds to deal with her suicidal impulses is not going to be all that effective in terms of intervention. In fact, you might be breaking the law.

4. (to non-compliant parents) No. To be completely honest, a LOT of things make me happier than trying to track down you and your crazy family just so I can do my job. The truth is I DON’T LIKE CALLING YOU five times a week pretending like you didn’t get my message. It’s insulting to both of us and frankly it makes me feel like a stalker ex girlfriend.

5. (to anyone who asks) You want my clinical opinion? I think the kid is just fucked up. So much so that my entire team is preparing for the day Court TV approaches us for interviews to be featured during the special describing his/her violent and sociopathic crime spree.

6. (again, to anyone who asks) Yes. Yes I agree that my supervisee is a complete idiot. I don’t know why he still has a job either.

7. (once again to anyone who asks) If you have to tell me you hate to be a bother? You probably are a bother.

8. (to non-compliant parents) I think your son suffers from a severe lack of parenting.

9. (to non-compliant parents) Yeah, you can’t use those cards saying “my kid is not a brat, he is autistic.” Because you know what? Your kid IS a brat. And that has nothing to do with his diagnosis. And has everything to do with you letting him act like a brat.

10. (to my client) Listen, I will give you twenty bucks if you will just get down from that tree and go back into the school.

11. (to one of our denser supervisors) I realize we came up with different conclusions. My best explanation for this is because you are wrong and stupid.

12. (to a diagnosable mother) I have to cancel our appointment because I forgot I was coming and didn’t double my own meds this morning. Subsequently, the thought of listening to you whine for an entire hour while trying to ignore the smell of the cat pee that permeates your house makes me want to drive myself into oncoming traffic.

13. (to another diagnosable mother) Im sorry we cannot meet your needs. I will tell you its mostly because you are incredibly obnoxious, entitled and demanding and my people literally can’t STAND to give you what you want for these reasons. The thought of you being happy? Makes everyone in my agency nauseous.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Using My Powers For Good
Lil Duck Duck
Ash In Wonderland
Caylynn's Contemplations
Random Thoughts of Yours Truly
Friday's Child
Adventures In Juggling

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Taco nacho karma

Well it wasnt the day I expected by any means. On the one hand the "perfect storm" was a stepford child today. It was damn spooky. My friend (the worker who was about to cry/quit yesterday) and I were in amazement. It was like a different child. We did have an incident on the playground where we had to talk her off the jungle gym and back inside but even that lasted only about five minutes. On the other hand, fourth grade sucks and is incredibly boring. I did learn that the coconut is really just a giant seed which i didnt know. As far as the taco nachos? What a mess that turned to out to be. For political reasons, I couldnt buy my lunch and had to leave to get it. I dont know why I chose taco bell. Maybe it was because of a subconscious urge to right the wrongness of the taco nachos in my own mind. Maybe because I secretly thought they looked better than I remembered. Whatever the reason, I got taco bell and have been completely sick in my stomach since. The lingering smell of it in my car was completely nauseating. But to end on a positive note, Norm had swim class and did EXCELLENT AND it was free cookie day when the boys picked up burger king after class. Im not feeling well now, but its nice to know the free cookies are waiting for me!

WTF Wednesday

Ok the only thing more depressing than having to get up when the birds are chirping is having to get up in the dark. It is 630am! I DONT LIVE IN ALASKA! Im DEFINITELY not asking for sun. Just a little grey light would be fine. To make matters worse, lunch today is taco nachos. Now Im not one to criticize all the cafeteria fare. In fact, I find the selections at the high school quite delightful. However, because I made the mistake of getting excited about taco nachos before, I can tell you in intimate detail how horrible they are. You get about seven large stale tortilla chips. On top of these chips is a lumpy (deceptively colorful) mass of meat. The meat is cold and appears to be flavored with ketchup and chili powder. Did I mention it is prepared at the high school, then shipped across town? (Think hospital food if you had to drive it across town) The piece de resistance? ONIONS. They cant be bothered to use an actual taco seasoning that flavors the meat in any remotely taco kind of way, but they can add onions. WTF. This week is getting progressively worse. Ah well, maybe today will have some sort of delightful surprise that I cant possibly anticipate. That will be lovely. I cant wait.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Brain Scramble

You know its going to be a bad afternoon when you come out of your first appointment and there are three messages from the elementary school telling you that your client (lets call her "perfect storm") has exhausted the resources of all the school employees. You know it is going to be worse when the learning support teacher nervously asks you to please praise the worker assigned to the case as she seems about to cry/quit. And you can be assured that you are locked into the horror when you walk by the guidance office where the "perfect storm" is and she is falling off the couch taking all the cushions down with her. If you had any doubts this day was salvagable? They are swept away by the fact that when the guidance counselor sent PS out of the office briefly, a stunned silence filled the room as if nobody could believe what they were witnessing. And the guidance counselor, the guidance counselor who has 20 plus years experience, the guidance counselor who Ive never seen even remotely ruffled in my six and a half years of working at the school, looks at me and says (and I quote) "Oh. My. God." So guess where Im going to be at 8am tomorrow?

Monday, September 18, 2006

List of things

For some reason, it seems like a good idea to make this list today. Its a monday. The house is trashed. Im feeling a bit bereft. (not terribly bereft mind you, just sort of mondayish) I dont think there are 13 of these things. These are things I really abhor that most people don't find offensive at all.

- the morning. (well some people don't hate the morning, I know.) I just cant stand the knowledge that a whole day lies ahead with troubles I ain't even seen yet. (And I call myself an optimist?)

-birds singing in the morning (or anytime really) I have NO IDEA why I find this sound to be grating at best and soul wrenchingly depressing at worst. But I do.

- sun shining when its cold, or morning (man i have morning issues). When its cloudy the world seems shrouded with a gentle "lets go back to bed" sense. And if you don't? it seems like the world is more appreciative for you showing up. When the sun shines in the morning, I find it to be a harsh directive to handle my business with no nonsense. When its cold? I find it to be mocking.

- babies. I don't abhor babies per se. I just don't get them really. I got my babies of course. I thought it would translate when new babies came. It didnt. I find them boring and when they want to interact for any length of time I become extremely anxious and want out of there.

- the amish. I dont have it in me to go into details tonight but it has to do with entitlement. And a lack of cell phone towers.

- sundays. I don't know if it's dread about the upcoming week. But I actually don't mind mondays. Or any other day of the week for that matter. I dont know why I hate them I just do.

- eating dinner at the dinner table. This one drives Gill nuts. Im not sure if it was because my mom was a horrible cook or because i feel like it sucks all the energy out of the evening or what. And I know its important. I try to spend a lot of quality non-eating time with the kids. And we take them to dinner. I know. Its horrible.

Thats all I can think of right now. More may be added as I think of them. For some reason, I feel a little less bereft. Thank you blogfriends.

(edited to add)
- the sound of other people brushing their teeth. I feel bile rising in my throat just thinking about it. I actually have to avoid the toothpaste and brush aisle if other people are in it because I become freakishly upset by the thought of them brushing. Yet i still promote my sonicare. Do you see what a breakthrough it is for me to even talk about a toothbrush?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Seven Deadly Sins

Stolen directly from the perpetually amusing blog of Jenny Ryan

Envy:Very Low
Lust:Very High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Never in my wildest (apparently sex filled) dreams would I have predicted lust would outshine sloth. I feel like I maybe need to step up on the sloth to save my own reputation. I blame my job for bringing down the sloth score....ah well...winter is coming. The balance of nature will lead to more sloth...

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Im with creepy

This morning I attempted to crawl back into the land of the living by having breakfast with my family at friendly's and then shopping for a gift at target for princess Fabu's birthday. She is turning six today. It promises to be the social event of the season. Being in public was a bit surreal and overwhelming. The most disturbing part of the morning occurred when Gill took the boys to the restroom at target while I checked out. As I made my way over to wait for them afterwards and was browsing through the dollar bins, I hear a painfully familiar bass bellowing "london bridges" from the men's room. I inwardly winced as the other patrons shared disturbed glances. Its not that Im not happy that he has uncovered the lost verses for our children....I guess i am grateful that at least the kids were with him this time. And he wasnt singing anything like "thank heaven for little boys".

When a picture really is worth a thousand words...

Does anyone else find this not only brilliant but hilariously funny as well? There are two employees and the principal of a certain elementary school that shall remain nameless who I would love to send this to.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Just had to check

Wasnt going to take anymore lunesta but changed my mind at 2am. And yep. I was right. She's a bitch that lunesta. She's got me today friends. She let me eat a banana and check my blogs and she is sending me right back in. Id complain but im too damned tired.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thursday 13 #10

Well its not stellar writing but all things considered Im glad I got it down! I already linked up my usual suspects whose TTs are up.

Thirteen Random Musings From My Fever-Addled Mind this week

1. I really like C-Span. I don’t know if this is because of my illness or I just happened to find it during my illness. I don’t care. I like hearing the debates. When I am too tired to listen, I find their voices soothing. I like the classical music during the breaks. I like noting that some of our representatives are kind of hot. I like C-Span.

2. Im not that great of a problem solver. It took seven days for it to occur to me that towels might be helpful in reducing the copious amounts of sweat puddling in my bed. It took tripping over the empty pack and play between my bed and my bathroom several times a day every day since labor day to realize I should probably ask my husband to take it back down.

3. I think my taste buds are scrambled. Everything tastes over-peppered. Like ice cream. And special-k cereal.

4. Under the guise of being nurturing, Gill is extremely passive aggressive and somewhat sadistic when im sick. He was boiling my Theraflu in the microwave to the point that the glass could not cool to be touched and insisting I drink it within fifteen minutes. I read the directions to find, you only need to add hot water. Think he was being thorough? This is the same man who was sticking ice cubes through the necks of 64 oz bottles of gator-ade and leaving them by my bed. Oh there’s more. This could be a list of its own, but he is still taking care of me and reads my blog so I must wait til I heal.

5. nancy grace is the ann coulter of legal media.

6. Lunesta makes me very boring. It also apparently empowers me to just shut down conversations I find upsetting by just saying. Ok Im tired. I cant talk anymore. (I kind of like that part)

7. I know have been sick too long when I am developing a sense of pride in my ability to predict my fever cycles.

8. Im a little alarmed to realize that our family spends a lot less money when I am sick.

9. Being ill has done nothing to weaken my pathological need to control what is happening in the world of my job.

10. Im thinking about developing a study to explore the inverse correlation between intelligence levels and the acted upon desire to call into national talk shows to loudly and proudly declare one’s opinion.

11. When you are sick and at work, stay out of controversial conversations if possible. You may realize too late that it is a REALLY BAD IDEA to refer to a non-present supervisor as stupid when you are next to his office. (sorry Madame Fabu)

12. I could win a lot of money if I could somehow cash in on the predictability of Gill Smoke and Norm becoming embroiled in a screaming match within 15 minutes of me getting into my bed to go to sleep.

13. I have this bad feeling that if I god forbid did develop encephalitis and die, Gill would be crushed and devastated yes, but he would also find my mental decline really hilarious. (ok this feeling is based on the fact that he told me so).

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Using My Powers For Good
Lil Duck Duck
Ash In Wonderland
Its a Raggedy Life
So Be It
The Kat House
Highland Warriors

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


And we are now in officially day 8 of the virus that won't let me go. I got the confirmation call today that yes. It is viral. Yes. I have anemia. And yes. my potassium is low. (awkward alert: I realized too late that it was probably socially inappropriate to argue with the nurse as she was explaining my test results. Apparently it is indeed not impossible at all for this to happen despite the fact that I like bananas and had eaten one five minutes before her call) And yes. I can expect this sense of malaise to linger well into the weekend. Huzzah. The good news is, Im officially on a "convalescence vacation". I have so much to do. The illness needs recorded in so many ways. My TT is due. But that will need to wait for tomorrow as will my need to record this lunesta experience (dr. gave me samples so my mind could rest enough for me to sleep...its been...blogabble)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A Jesse MEME

I must confess. My main motivation for stealing this blogging MEME from The Ever Entertaining Jesse...well its included within the MeMe.

Why do you blog?
Several reasons. To keep track of my kids. To keep more "everyday" connected to my friend Luckybuzz. To amuse my friend Madame Fabu at work and my other friends in their settings (school or early morning wind-down after a long night of engraving). And now because ive found all my fantastic new blogger friends! (and im embarrassingly addicted to them!)

How long have you been blogging?
July 4, 2006.


Why do readers read your blog?
well the people who know me want to track the body count. The people who don't? Ambulance chasers? I dont know!!!

What was the last search phrase someone used to get to your site?
this is kind of embarrassing. "girl sexy". It wasnt a google either. I get a lot of eastern european googles for "zamphir" who are more interested in the music of the panflute, i think.

Which of your entries unjustly gets too little attention?

AND THIS IS WHY I HAD TO DO THE ME ME You know what entry unjustly got ignored? And I never thought I would get an opportunity to go back here graciously. MY TOOTHBRUSH POST! I know. I realize it was friday night at 10pm. Labor Day weekend for many of us. That many of you had long weeks. I only blame myself. I should have included a picture. (by the time you read this, it will be done...unless of course you are a really fast reader and click on right when i post this, then you might have to wait a minute...)

I feel like I failed you my readers. And I failed the toothbrush. Somehow I did not impart upon anyone how powerful this toothbrush is. How much its changed my outlook on my dental future. How Im getting my "dont buy me anything" father one for christmas. (and I already told him. Extensively. THe day after I posted about my toothbrush. He doesnt know about the blog....) How one of the first things I do when I become financially solvent is to go and buy this toothbrush for all of my loved ones. I got cold feet. I thought I might put you off if I talked tooo much about my dental phobias which make this finding all that much more miraculous. But please friends. If you are thinking about investing in a new dental product (and Im not affiliated) my dentist (who could be affiliated) described it as one of the top five dental innovations in history. I was afraid to tell you this. he is a bit...sketchy. Im not asking you to comment on the post. Im just saying that if you want to reach a pinnacle of oral joy and comfort from a small Im just saying it's a hell of a dental experience. Phew! I finally feel the burden lifting! Ive spoken my piece and now I can sleep soundly knowing that if my dear readers remain in dental darkness, I did my best. Peace be to all your teeth everywhere.

Your current favorite blogs
what the hell? all the blogs i read are my favorites! otherwise why would i read them? is this a me-me or sophie's choice for crying out loud?

What blog did you read most recently?
Im beginning to think this Me-Me is trying to stir up discord...

Which feeds do you subscribe to?
Or maybe its a spy....(i really only barely understand what feeds are. Luckybuzz tried to explain it but I think I was kind of hungover and off the adderall and so i just nodded)

What blogs are you tagging with this meme and why?
See I dont even know what tagging means. I see the term. And I think does it mean, "tag you are it?" but then why would technorati be involved?

I have to go add my toothbrush picture now. Good night sweet friends. ANd thank you Jesse. This is the opportunity I needed to scourge my soul of the failed posting.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Princess and The Pea (the rest of the story)

Ok so we all know the story of how the prince is sooo impressed with the princess's delicacy that he marries her outright. What they dont tell you is that the princess proves to be a colossally high maintenance pain in the ass. And when the princess gets sick? its ten times worse (Oh and you have NO IDEA what you missed since the princess didnt blog through her pregnancies). Case in point. The princess (did you know? its a little known fact that the princess was actually the princess of spider monkeys?) currently (hopefully soon to be recently) has the flu. Her prince is forced once again to deal with an incapacitated spider monkey princess. (oh there will be much blogging about this illness trust me) In an attempt to help the princess whose main pillow is soaked with her toxic night sweats, he dissembles the system (yes I said system. Bear in mind though, the man is not new. He KNOWS about the five pillow system. After all, isnt that why he fell in love with the princess in the first place? Her delicacy?) and throws them in the dryer.

Sadly, the fairy tale does not end well. As the princess defies her prince's dubious faith in her ability to function in the throes of her illness and bravely faces the stairs to actually remove the pillow from the dryer herself and re-case it. She even briefly contemplates putting the wet clothes on top of the dryer into the dryer. Briefly. Please remember folks, she is a delicate princess. As she finally drags her poor fever addled body back into the bed, horror awaits her. Her feather pillow has molted. Quills are poking in her brain. As she waits patiently for her prince to return from the grocery store with the royal princlet spider monkeys, she is slowly fighting insanity. Her neck stiffens. Is it the proverbial pea? (ok, the molting feathers) or slowly ensuing meningitis? Her fever rages at this point because the royal family did not depart for their quest for her theraflu until after 6pm when the prince knew she was completely out at 2pm (stay tuned for upcoming post: "things i could have complained about during my illness and didnt"). As the prince returns he sends a princlet in with the medicine so the princess is forced to call him on the cell phone (Im sure he hears that ring like James Caan hears that scraping crutch in "Misery") (ok I stole that line from my brother but it fits) and share her concerns. The thoroughly disgusted prince says "You don't have meningitis. Switch pillows and go to sleep." And hangs up on the princess.

And that my what happily ever after looks like.

Saturday, September 09, 2006


So im finally coming back from a BRUTAL bout with the flu. Ive been sicker? but never in so much pain in my life. It was like a chronic 48 hour migraine. Noise hurt. Light hurt. I missed my very first Thursday Thirteen. AND DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO CARE. Anyway, i just wanted to shout out and apologize directly to Pippajo for letting her down with my listlessness! Im a little drained from catching up reading you guys, but ill be back tomorrow i think (barring a relapse).

Monday, September 04, 2006

The master of social grace

Did I mention my brother and his family were staying this weekend? So as everyone is winding down from the long stretch of festivities this evening, Norm comes running in SOBBING. Because his cousin, lets call her sybil (her mom does...), was "mean" to her. Immediately afterwards, Sybil herself comes running in also sobbing. After prying them off their subsequent parents (GS happened to be the object of Norm's flinging into the mercy of the universe) it was discovered that norm was completely crushed because he wanted to sit in his chair and sybil didnt want to get off but offered to share. Despite this attempt at compromise, norm (who has had too much fair, too much birthday party and too much of everything) was inconsolably shattered by not getting his own way. After much coaching on both sides(during which wiser minds decided it might be time to head back home) norm approached his cousin, thanked her for coming, apologized for his part in the misunderstanding and then added..."but you still have to leave now"

Crikey er... i mean holy crap

Well who would have seen that coming? But despite my underlying feeling that this was darwinism at work (yes I know it was a one in a million shot. yes i know sting ray stings are seldom fatal. yes i know he was filming a segment for the delightfully precocious bindi sue. yes i know i know i know)Im actually feeling strangely sad by this news because although he annoyed the living shit out of me, I think Steve Irwin was trying to do good things for animals.Im a big fan of doing good things for creatures (both human and non-human) that arent pretty and cute. He was good for that. I really admire his work for the creepy crawlies. Because whether we are fans of the creepy crawlies or not...the world really needs its creepy crawlies.

I gotta say though, this is totally not one of these why do bad things happen to good people things for me. I mean its not grizzly man stupid or anything but Ill tell you this. Barring some massive global upheaval that shifts circumstances in my life beyond my worst fears, or some horrible unforeseen tragedy at a zoo or on a sanctioned or guided tour, I can guarantee you that I will not ever be maulled by grizzlies or impaled by a sting ray. (ok I knocked wood after typing that lest the gods of irony decide to have some creepy laugh at my expense) Peace to your soul Mr. Irwin. Peace to your soul....

Friday, September 01, 2006

I heart my new toothbrush

Ok Im completely freaking out my spouse with this but I have to tell the world I LOVE MY NEW SONICARE TOOTHBRUSH. I am not going into a whole oral history (hahahahaha get it? oral history? hahahahahaha). Im not going into how or why I ended up with a forty dollar toothbrush that scared the hell out of me two days ago. Im just going to tell you this toothbrush has changed my whole outlook about my dental future. Those saturn commercials about the saturn cult people? I seriously googled to see if there is a similar one for this toothbrush. Its THAT awesome. So far, they don't have one. So far. This toothbrush is so great, we were at dinner tonight and GS asked what i was thinking about and I had to tell him, I was thinking about getting home and brushing my teeth. He thinks its a sign of pathology. I think he is jealous of my amazing dental experience.

(edited to add) Sonicare. Isnt it beautiful? They range in price from 25 dollars to 125 dollars. Needless to say mine was 25 bucks. It looks like a violent little thing, but it really could not be more gentle. Im not sure where the water comes from (sonically generated? good enough for me!) but it doesnt feel like you are getting sprayed. Its more like "hey, my mouth is full of water! How about that?" Oh succumb to the pleasure of it. Im the queen. No the goddess of buyer's remorse and I will not live long enough to regret this toothbrush.