Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Princess and The Pea (the rest of the story)

Ok so we all know the story of how the prince is sooo impressed with the princess's delicacy that he marries her outright. What they dont tell you is that the princess proves to be a colossally high maintenance pain in the ass. And when the princess gets sick? its ten times worse (Oh and you have NO IDEA what you missed since the princess didnt blog through her pregnancies). Case in point. The princess (did you know? its a little known fact that the princess was actually the princess of spider monkeys?) currently (hopefully soon to be recently) has the flu. Her prince is forced once again to deal with an incapacitated spider monkey princess. (oh there will be much blogging about this illness trust me) In an attempt to help the princess whose main pillow is soaked with her toxic night sweats, he dissembles the system (yes I said system. Bear in mind though, the man is not new. He KNOWS about the five pillow system. After all, isnt that why he fell in love with the princess in the first place? Her delicacy?) and throws them in the dryer.

Sadly, the fairy tale does not end well. As the princess defies her prince's dubious faith in her ability to function in the throes of her illness and bravely faces the stairs to actually remove the pillow from the dryer herself and re-case it. She even briefly contemplates putting the wet clothes on top of the dryer into the dryer. Briefly. Please remember folks, she is a delicate princess. As she finally drags her poor fever addled body back into the bed, horror awaits her. Her feather pillow has molted. Quills are poking in her brain. As she waits patiently for her prince to return from the grocery store with the royal princlet spider monkeys, she is slowly fighting insanity. Her neck stiffens. Is it the proverbial pea? (ok, the molting feathers) or slowly ensuing meningitis? Her fever rages at this point because the royal family did not depart for their quest for her theraflu until after 6pm when the prince knew she was completely out at 2pm (stay tuned for upcoming post: "things i could have complained about during my illness and didnt"). As the prince returns he sends a princlet in with the medicine so the princess is forced to call him on the cell phone (Im sure he hears that ring like James Caan hears that scraping crutch in "Misery") (ok I stole that line from my brother but it fits) and share her concerns. The thoroughly disgusted prince says "You don't have meningitis. Switch pillows and go to sleep." And hangs up on the princess.

And that my what happily ever after looks like.


luckybuzz said...

I know it's true, because that's about what it looks like at my house too. :)

Hope you're feeling better...though even sick, you're still the best read on the internets, sweetie. :)

Canada said...

Okay, you're killing me. You even make your horrific illness entertaining. And methinks that the Prince may never get laid again. Seriously, Princes should know better than to mess with the pillows of a Princess. And hanging up on you!!! Eeesh! My "Prince" always claims that he thought it was his pillow whenever I yank MY pillow (one of 3 - used to be 4) from under his sleeping head. DO I feel guilty about waking him so rudely? NOT!!!

Hoping you're feeling better soon (and Theraflu is okay, but not nearly as good as Neo Citron, which is Canadian. Want me to mail you some for the winter?)

Gill Smoke said...

Oh there will payment for the indignaties suffered by both sides have no fear.

That gross misrepresentation, which casts me in a meaner light (that shows off my more noble side nicely) than I care for will not be countered in my blog. I am just a better person than that. The pillow was soaked and more than slightly stinky. See if I do you any more favors, you know I will.


crse said...

LB: youve always been a more gracious princess than i! (just ask gill-smoke) Although I dont think Ive seen you sick before? Have I? After all these years? Now I have to think...i remember talking to you many times wanting to send you chicken soup over the phone...hmmmm

Canada, is it bad that with all the hecticness of the kids and the jobs and crap, that we are like those bugs bunny cartoons where the dog and the wolf punch out and have lunch together when it comes to sex? Hell it doesnt matter how irritated you are with the other person, that opportunity arises and damn you take it. You need to keep the reserves up till next time! Does that change when they get older? Gill can completely relate to the rude night wakenings.

And you sir, will of course continue to do me favors. why? because you cant. stand. the. incessant. whining. (for more on the pillow stink stay tuned for my lady macbeth post where im madly scrubbing my armpits five times a day screaming "out damned chicken soup smell")

Canada said...

Note to self: do not read comments by Gill Smoke when laughing triggers a wheezing and coughing fit that lasts for five minutes!!!