Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Dare I say Thursday Thirteen is up already?

all right my linked people. Im throwing the gauntlet down and listing you already. So get cracking because you are already linked.

Thirteen Very True Things I Could Never Say At My Job

1. (to a field worker) Im sorry to be the one to tell you, all the sixth grade teachers do NOT have a crush on you. Nor do they think you are the best thing that happened to the school since the copy machine. However, they do find you more and more creepy with each passing day.

2. (to the elementary school principal) When you do a complete 180 degree turn and walk in the other direction when you see me? I know it means you don’t like me. The good news is, I don’t like you either so I am not at all upset about not having to pretend to be polite while your voice grates on my ears. It also lessens the amount of time I spend wanting to bitch slap that arrogant smirk from your face.

3. (to the middle school guidance counselor) I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but advising the client to make white fluffy clouds to deal with her suicidal impulses is not going to be all that effective in terms of intervention. In fact, you might be breaking the law.

4. (to non-compliant parents) No. To be completely honest, a LOT of things make me happier than trying to track down you and your crazy family just so I can do my job. The truth is I DON’T LIKE CALLING YOU five times a week pretending like you didn’t get my message. It’s insulting to both of us and frankly it makes me feel like a stalker ex girlfriend.

5. (to anyone who asks) You want my clinical opinion? I think the kid is just fucked up. So much so that my entire team is preparing for the day Court TV approaches us for interviews to be featured during the special describing his/her violent and sociopathic crime spree.

6. (again, to anyone who asks) Yes. Yes I agree that my supervisee is a complete idiot. I don’t know why he still has a job either.

7. (once again to anyone who asks) If you have to tell me you hate to be a bother? You probably are a bother.

8. (to non-compliant parents) I think your son suffers from a severe lack of parenting.

9. (to non-compliant parents) Yeah, you can’t use those cards saying “my kid is not a brat, he is autistic.” Because you know what? Your kid IS a brat. And that has nothing to do with his diagnosis. And has everything to do with you letting him act like a brat.

10. (to my client) Listen, I will give you twenty bucks if you will just get down from that tree and go back into the school.

11. (to one of our denser supervisors) I realize we came up with different conclusions. My best explanation for this is because you are wrong and stupid.

12. (to a diagnosable mother) I have to cancel our appointment because I forgot I was coming and didn’t double my own meds this morning. Subsequently, the thought of listening to you whine for an entire hour while trying to ignore the smell of the cat pee that permeates your house makes me want to drive myself into oncoming traffic.

13. (to another diagnosable mother) Im sorry we cannot meet your needs. I will tell you its mostly because you are incredibly obnoxious, entitled and demanding and my people literally can’t STAND to give you what you want for these reasons. The thought of you being happy? Makes everyone in my agency nauseous.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Did You Ever Get The Feeling?
The Knut Hut
Using My Powers For Good
Lil Duck Duck
Ash In Wonderland
Caylynn's Contemplations
Random Thoughts of Yours Truly
Friday's Child
Adventures In Juggling

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Canada said...

Okay, you're just too fucking efficient today!!! Damn, I'm off to make my list (I've been distracted by glimpses of my "dream" neighbour!)

luckybuzz said...

Wow, these are awesome (and hopefully kind of cathartic). But I think my ultimate favorite is "You want my clinical opinion? I think the kid is just fucked up."

So. Many. Times. That would come in handy.

Jesse said...

Hmmmm, this has me wondering what I want to say at work that I can't. It involves using the world butthole a lot.

amy said...

That was funny!

factor 10 said...

Wow! I'd love to be there to witness any one of those conversations! Doesn't your hand just itch to slap some of them sometimes? It's an angry week for me, sorry!


This is what I call a person who is really very industrious.
Mine is up too.

Anonymous said...

oh the things i wish i could say too to doctors, parents of patients, social workers....but the principal at one of my kids' school...yes i would love to say # 2 to her if i could catch her.
my tt is up now

Tink said...

Haha, great list! Thanks for visiting my TT.
I like Blogger Beta a lot. It's some extra work to get it like it was, but once done it's so much easier!

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Great list. :) Yes, it would be nice if we could really say what we want to. Happy TT. :)

Amaranth said...


Mine is up!

Ash said...

Babe, your jobs sounds like it sucks ass. and not a sexy ass either. one that is loaded down with hair and hasnt been washed in a week.

Was that desciptive enough for ya'll?

Aside regarding lovely email between us.

Kidspeace is a loony bin for under 18'ers. I high HIGHLY doubt you want your kids going there.

Great TT though, I laughed my tush off at the "Lack of Parenting" one.

Canada said...

I was so impressed bi the TT being up that I dodn't comment on it. Yep, gotta love those diagnoseable parents. And the parents that are delusional about their child's abilities ("yes, I'd like you to work on multiplication with him in your music therapy sessions." Uhhhh - your kid can't even fill in the blanks counting one to ten, I don't think multiplication is going to work!)

SheCrochets said...

Too bad we can't actually say these things, no matter how true they are! :-)

Nice TT!

Pippajo said...

Number 11? Is my new life motto. I'm getting shirts silk-screened.

Don't worry, you'll get yours at Christmas.

Oh, and mine is up, but WAY less entertaining than yours.

N. Mallory said...

Great list! I needed the chuckle!

Happy TT!

Lisa said...

You crack me up!! Oh, how I'd love to say so many of those things, too! Let's have a "Run amok" day and tell everyone it's because we didn't take our meds. See how they like it! heh

Have a luffly weekend!

Jenny Ryan said...

I realize we came up with different conclusions. My best explanation for this is because you are wrong and stupid.

OK, now I am SO trying to think of a situation where I could use this myself! :)