Saturday, November 25, 2006

The ugly season

Well my friends, Thanksgiving has come and gone. Lovely day despite a somewhat unfortunate encounter with the bonsai's least favorite aunt, who i suspect has a girl crush on me. (dont believe me? lets review the list shall we?: Is she manly? check. Did she leave her husband for another woman in the 90s and then get back together with him? check. Does she prolongingly look at my breasts and extend eye contact? check. Is she not even remotely attractive? Check. Is she hostile towards Gill? Check.) Needless to say, the bonsai threw me under the bus on this one and nobody else thought twice about leaving me there. I was a trooper friends. I took the hits and still managed to avoid the boob crushing hug at the end.

Id like to say that this encounter was responsible for what transpired later that evening but I would be lying. Truth be told, thanksgiving night was actually the beginning of what I have come to think of as "the ugly season". In the next six weeks, there will be a flurry of parties and occasions that will require your host to get stupid ugly drunk. And I am prepared to live up to this expectation. Here are some highlights from thursday night.

-after being dropped off at the bar, one of the first people I saw was a woman from my past whose car I didnt "technically" steal. It was more like a joyride. She hates me friends.

-needless to say this led me to overindulge in the vodka right away.

-which led me to behave like a lunatic on the dance floor

-and force my cousin to slow dance with me (she was ok with it. she is no stranger to drunk crse)

- and drink more.

- and inadvertently buy a shot for a man I loathe because I was politely asking him if he needed to get closer to the bar. (Folks, sometimes drunk crse is not my friend)

-and start a conversation with someone else who NONE of my friends ever liked.

-and drunk dial several friends who were not there to tell them I was hanging out with the person I forgot we dont like to get them to come out and see the person we didnt really care for.

-and possibly hit on my friend's brother. (when you get onto topics like swinging and you are drunk and trying to affirming, could go either way)

Ok well thats enough highlights. Might as well pace this as we have several more events to look forward to.

The aftermath wasnt pretty friends. And Im not ready to talk about it. Until we went to Madame Fabu's mother for dinner last night, the day was a blur of me on the couch trapped in a flinstone's marathon encouraging my children to snack on whatever they could reach in lieu of actual meals. Its going to be a long holiday season my friends.


factor 10 said...

At least it's a seasonal thing! Drunk Jen was never MY friend, and she needed no holiday to make an appearance...
I shudder to think of the stories that I pray will always remain untold. seriously.

nancycle said...

Oh dear, dear crse! *chuckling* I just love the shit-faced stories!


RockDog said...

This is awesome! Talk of stolen cars, the drinking of lots of vodka, dancing, drunk dialing, flirting...classic night of drinking! Well done!

Rock ON!

Pippajo said...

Well, I thought MY Thanksgiving was fun, until I read this.

Boy you sure know how to give thanks, my friend!

gretty said...

I'm glad I'm not alone, I've spent the last 72 hours doing damage control from drunken Thanksgiving antics.

Jenny Ryan said...

I really hate boob-smooshing/crushing hugs that involve other women. Some things should just never touch. :)

luckybuzz said...

OK, I need specifics on these phrases:

"whose car I didnt "technically" steal": Hee. :) And also, I'm trying but not sure I can put a name to this. That's probably due to my hangover, but help me out?

"buy a shot for a man I loathe"--I can think of far too many people this could be. Can you narrow this down for me?

"start a conversation with someone else who NONE of my friends ever liked": who who who? At least tell me: is this someone I've slept with (either sexually or platonically)?

Also trying to figure out the "friend's brother". Hangover makes me stupid.

I do look forward to more stories from the ugly season. :)

crse said...

Oh Jen, I wish drunk crse only showed up during the ugly season too....
Nan, glad I could amuse you..
Rockdog, you are gracious by calling it flirting. It was much less genteel than that...But Im glad you are aboard for the ugly season..
pippa- i read your holiday and think i would have ultimately fared much much better at the knut hut...
gretty--oh much that does not need said....i feel ya.
Jenny Ryan- i could write the book on boobcrushing hugs..Im glad you commented as I screwed up my link to you!

Ok LB- didnt you get the drunk call? You were my first victim!
1. You may or may not know her...early 90s. Rhymes with cargo bunk.
2. Easy one. Gropey drunken keyboard player.
3. I called you with her. The hint here is its a "box you should never open".
4. Ummm...ok source of torch crimson. Having the shittiest year of all. Youngest brother.

Its not the hangover sweetie, it was a night i never saw coming...

luckybuzz said...

I did get the drunk call! It made me happy, but gave me no answers. :)

On #1--I do know her, and surprised myself by recognizing her name based on the rhyme. Don't know much about this situation, though, do I?

#2--I thought so! A point for me. :)

#3--I'm not getting it!!! I need more!!!

#4--I think I know who--but don't think I've met the brother...?

Anyway--sorry it was traumatic. As always, though, entertainingly presented. You rock. :) xoxo

crse said...

LB- I usually forget about the car incident too.
The name rhymes with candy.
And i dont know if you had either, he was in the navy a lot and i think there were family difficulties back in the day...

Canada said...

Just when I think my life sounds like it's entertaining (drinking? check. Dancing? check. flirting? check.), I read your blog and realize that I live a rather sad and tame existence. Sorry that the Ugly Season started ugly, but remember - Gatorade and Advil. It will make the aftermath less miserable.
Cheers, drunk crse!

erthy said...

WOW. I might be glad we didn't make it Thursday. I am soooooo sorry. yikes, cargo bunk. gropey keyboard.

...I actually got to like the "box which shouldn't be opened" (we worked together)

Is #4 blond? (I am stumped on this one!) did he used to have a bob? I can't imagine a conversation about swining there...

love you!

crse said...

Oh NOOOOO wrong friend. Think REALLY SHITTY year. And prison. And the library. Im glad you like our friend from the box sweetie because I gave her your number. She loves you! (who doesnt love erthy?) It was a delightful visit...but look out baby because dec. 8 is coming! Smokefree shenanigans! Whoohoooo!!!

erthy said...

ooooohhhhhhh. that shitty year. now that makes more sense.

and I'm glad you gave the box lady my number, i've been wanting to catch up with her!

I can't wait for Dec. 8!!!