Sunday, November 05, 2006

Stupidity Squared

Ok, despite dear Gretty's objections, one of my dubious talents is that I am actually a fairly competent liar. (who am i kidding, i scare myself sometimes) My lies are not meant to cause harm. Generally, they are to avoid confrontations, or avoid hurting people's feelings. Today was a little karmic kick in the ass for me. It all started when I made the mistake of promising my father that he would not see my car until i got my tires changed. I wont bore you with the web of lies that sprung from those bold and foolish words, but it ended up with me feigning illness to avoid a birthday party (and avoid of course, my father) and Gill making me promise that he would come home to fresh tires if he kept the lie alive.

I started out so confident. Until I ran into the "oh yer a girl, lets jack this up about twenty bucks a tire" syndrome. I tried gentle readers. The first three places, i tried to maintain the stoic "I am a consumer so you will treat me right". After the scoffing and shaming with me walking out tail between my legs, I bit the bullet and played the "oh heeheehee look at me, Math is hard. I like candy! Oh big strong fatherly man, show me the ways of tires!" card. And damn if it didnt work. Got about a hundred dollars off the prices quoted at the first three places.

Unfortunately, when one attempts to get tire work done at 3pm on a sunday, one generally runs into a wait. I did not anticipate this. So as my new dad/buddy explained it would take several hours but that he promised it would be done before midnight, I realized i was at least two or three miles from home and that my entire family was an hour away. Being the problem solver that I am, (and not having any money and after losing the pencil so I couldnt work on my sudoku which Id brought in anticipation of a wait) I decided to walk home. Friends, overpasses are not hospitable to 36 year old dishevelled and uncoordinated women. Drivers are hostile to the pedestrian on the four lane high way. I say beep and cuss old man. The next time the tables are turned and you fall off the curb into traffic or dump your purse in the middle of the road because you forgot to zip it, may you receive the same. Oh and by the way, isnt there some sort of edict in the methodist church charter saying that if you are playing touch football in the parking lot, you are not allowed to direct your play into the path of a clearly traumatized passerby? On a positive note, I made friends with a little boy who shouted "excuse me" and then proceeded to mumble unintelligibly at me as I politely stood on the edge of the yard yelling "whats that?" his alarmed mother came to the door and explained that he was very friendly and refused to shut her door until I moved on. I thought she wanted to continue the conversation. was just awkward thats all....

It was harrowing but Im alive. And feel duly purged of my sin. Especially when the wal-mart (who sent me away by explaining that the only available tires in my size were apparently solid gold) called telling me i left my checkbook on their counter.


factor 10 said...

You are SO Jen in your heart of hearts.
I feel closer to you than I ever have before, CRSE! From the fantastical car maintenance fiction to the decision to just walk it, to the (oh, dear lord, yes!) unzipped purse and the checkbook left at Wally world. Separated at birth, I tell you.

Anonymous said...

Oh, crse. Sounds traumatic. Funny, but traumatic. Hope you're fine. And have I told you lately how *much* I adore you?

(yep, it's LB)

gretty said...

Thank you for letting your traumatic experiences be our entertainment!

Anonymous said...

Pippajo here:

First of all, it drives The Viking crazy but I REFUSE to go get ANYTHING done on the car. That is ENTIRELY his department. I have never set foot in any kind of car-related establishment, except for where The Viking works, and when I went to pick up my Mom when she bought her new car.

Second, I walked home from somewhere ONCE and The Viking was so upset I never did it again. Before you think he went all psycho on me or something, you must remember he's from NYC so he thinks any female walking around anywhere at any time of day alone is just asking to be raped and murdered. He forgets we're in the suburbs now.

I had what I consider to be similar experiences on Saturday, but I won't waste your comment space to tell you about them. I think I'll blog it instead.

Glad you're okay.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, sounds like an awful day. On the plus side, your ride is now safe and you don't have to hide from your father any more!

erthy said...

oh honey... I love your abilityn to take a horrible sunday and turn it into something bigger. I am glad you got tires, glad you lived too. sooooo much love!

crse said...

I heart my blogfriends! The ones who know me in real time and the ones who dont. Makes everything so much better!