Monday, November 27, 2006

bitch and moan monday- a live blog

Well its the end of the month friends. We all know what that means. A sea of casenotes, a short temper and squalor all around me! So being that nobody would see me today, I thought why not live blog my bitching and moaning for the day! I shall do this and it shall be good. And I shall use random slashes. And I shall veer from bitching and moaning should it serve me to do so. After all, its the end of the month, we can probably color anything I come up with as a bitch or a moan!

1ish- two things i did not want to say to norm today: "maybe its not a good idea to make a picture out of your bubble gum." and "please dont eat your yogurt in the clothes basket. Daddy will come unglued."

- I am thinking of expanding my tivo selections. I am ready to add a new program I think. Maybe even two. Does anyone have suggestions besides grey's anatomy? I already watch the office, CSI and the law and orders. Im thinking about heroes, brothers and sisters or possibly house. Feedback?

- I freaking hate the show lazy town. If you don't know what Im talking about consider yourself lucky. It is a compilation of really ugly puppets and the single most annoying child I have ever observed (and bear in mind, i work with kids with behavior disorders). Stephanie (and this includes but is not limited to all the little assholes on the welches grape juice commercials). She has pink hair and chews up the scenery worse than judy garland on a drinking binge. I think a lot about bitch slapping her. It makes me feel better.

-Speaking of judy garland, i heard this great story that she was drunk at a party and threw a bunch of lawn furniture into the swimming pool and screamed "there is no fucking rainbow!". I love this image. It makes me happy too.


- I just found this picture for my readers' edification. The more I look at it, the more I think she looks like a boy in drag. I think I would find her more likable if she was a boy in drag.

3 ish- Slash break time! Ok John Edwards' teeth are way too big and perfect to be acceptable in a vice president. I wonder if this cost his team the 2004 election Or maybe it was because despite the fact that I watched all three debates and can see his face clearly, I can never remember the guy who actually ran's name. Kemp right? Kemp. Also known as "the other guy".

- One would expect a documentary on Benito Mussolini and General Franco not to be so....abrasive. I was so interested but the narration was so harsh I had to turn away to something more soothing like the relaxing voice of the guy who narrates "City Confidential". Truth be told though, relaxing is probably not the right word. He is more scintillating. The way he described my dead town as "sitting on the edge of the river like a rusted out and abandoned pick up truck" makes everyone in the city sound...sexy.

- I wonder if the bill collector who calls from the unknown number and leaves me messages regarding "personal business" actually believes that I dont know what he wants. Even if I had the money, I dont think I could talk to him now. Too much water under the bridge.

430pm-Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are splitting up? I cant believe it! They had so many weddings, I thought for sure they would be married forever.

-Add to things I didnt want to have to say to norm today. "Do you know why my butt is covered in gum? Is it supposed to be covered in gum?" I should be time coding the live blog shouldnt i?

744pm- Just got home from a lovely dinner and visit with my friend Kathleen and her sons. She is due to have another son on the 17th of January and we were picking out names for her baby. I suggested she auction off the naming privilege on E-bay. How bad could it be? No matter what they came up with there has to be a cute nickname...

-Chaos is ensuing here at the panflutemaster house as we have conflict involving a hot wheels set and missing stickers and pieces. Our baby of perpetual dissatisfaction is whining and norm has just this minute has become hysterical because his father will not give him coffee.

10 comments:

RockDog said...

Wow! This is friggin' fantastic!

- At least he eats yogurt. My kids only eat greasy or gluey things...

- My Tivo is set for Scrubs! Stay away from Brothers and Sisters unless you need something to put you to sleep...

- Lazy Town puppets definitely suck..Steph is cool though, but can't hold a candle to Sportacus...his mustache alone kicks serious ass!

- I would loved to have been at that party...I've thrown lawn furniture, but it's just not the same when you don't have a cool line to go with it...

Pippajo said...

Thankfully I have not had the misfortune to lay eyes on lazy town. Probably because my youngest is now in school all day (sob) instead of getting a real education parked in front of the tv all day.

But when he was a little PBS Kids nut, I hated Jay Jay The Jet Plane. That STUPID song would get STUCK in my head so that I'd be singing it all through the grocery store, in line at the atm, washing dishes, everywhere! And the sole human on the show drove me bananas! She was perky in a truly sinister and eye-twitching way, had horrible hair and make-up and looked like she always had bad breath. And she talked like a girl I knew in college who drove me crazy.

And, I'm sorry, but if I ever saw a plane with a doughy human face? I'd pee my pants and run away screaming!

Your friend Stephanie looks pretty dang awful too. I'm so sorry.

I remember hearing that about Judy Garland too, and it's such an awesome story.

And tivo? If I had it I'd totally be wasting it on The Weather Channel and America's Test Kitchen, but might I suggest you add the very worst, so bad that it's delightful, soap opera ever made, Passions? It's a laugh riot of suckiness that no show can compare to. It's always more fun to watch with a friend so you can rip on it while watching, but seeing it alone is pretty entertaining too.

And I must concur, Scrubs is wickedly funny!

Boy do I want tivo!

Hope your Monday gets better...

crse said...

Thanks for the advice Rockdog! I do watch scrubs, I forgot to put that on there and Im adding earl and 30 rock to my schedule. One day Rockdog, I will post a picture of a kick ass mustache. Yeah I like stephanie better as a boy in drag. And I know what you mean...after all once people start throwing lawn furniture into the pool well of course you have to participate but that was cutting edge...

Pippa-Jay Jay the Plane is one freaky mo-fo. Im grateful that Norm hasnt gotten into him. I hate when the songs get stuck. Or when you start making up your own words like "Hey its franklin" "smoking a crack pipe". And it wont leave your head! Youve got me totally intrigued about america's test kitchen..

luckybuzz said...

I *still* love House, though it totally jumped the shark this season. Still entertaining, though.

I also love your Judy Garland story. And I've seen Lazy Town once, and I will never recover from that, so I hear ya, sister.

For the rest of my life, I will love that the Mussolini documentary was just a little too abrasive for you.

Canada said...

Hey it's Franklin smoking a crack pipe - too funny, my dog is looking at me like I'm nuts 'cause I started laughing and had to try hard not to snort water with a healthy squirt of lime out my nose!

House is good, even though you know my real addiction is to Grey's Anatomy (yeah, I know, but I watch CSI and Law & Order, too).

Good luck with the bubble gum bum. Ick!

factor 10 said...

I liked House when it started, but it lost out to something else along the way...If you can watch the old episodes online, I'm lovin' Heroes. Very complicated, though...

When the bills start coming due, I answer the phone "United Zucchini and Melon Corporation, How may I help you?" It's fun until the in-laws call.

Ash said...

So, two things........

A) the words Panflutemaster come up in a Hannibal Lecter book, should I be worried?

B) Grey's Anatomy rocks!

C)(ok, three things) My husband comes home tonight, I'm still pissed at him. He should couch it tonight. what do you think?

D)(FINE, four things!) Pamela anderson and kid rock, who wants to bet me 20 bucks they'll get back together?

;)

Jenny Ryan said...

"Please don't eat your yogurt in the clothes basket" made me snort and laugh out loud-AWESOME!

You can probably tell that the nerdiness level is very high at our house because of what is on our TIVO-We love NCIS, Bones, and Numb3rs, and even though I am approximately 100 years older than the main character, I really like Veronica Mars too.

nancycle said...

*spoken in a Brittish Accent*

"What a witty and clever brain you have crse. I wish to eat it on a stick."

Love Nancy

_________________________

My amusement aside...WTF? I thought that was Dora!

Dan B (no, not Bennett, think harder) said...

Speaking Of Judy Garland, there is an amazingly popular new group on Yahoo called THE JUDY GARLAND EXPERIENCE. They have ultra rare audio files, photo's lively discussions, and an incredible group of people that includes Judy's family members, authors of several Garland biographies, people who knew Judy, and an eclectic bunch of fans of all age ranges (including many that were able to see Judy perform in person. Come check the group out, its great!
http://movies.groups.yahoo.com/group/thejudygarlandexperience/