Tuesday, November 06, 2007

the obligatory sleepy post

I don’t think Im gonna make five hundred today. Im very sleepy. Its been a long day. My oldest child swallowed his tooth and missed the bus. (Does telling him the tooth fairy won’t pay him unless he digs the tooth out of his poop qualify as abusive?) (Oh relax people. He didn’t believe me anyway) My baby stuffs Lincoln logs down his diaper and is currently walking around with his toilet training seat on his head. (Does that count as showing interest?)I voted today. In support of porn and alcoholic Sundays and against clean parks. (Im sorry but I just don’t have the money for clean parks. Im saving up for legends of guitar heroes III.).

As I left the precinct, I felt a distinct sense of obligation. I should be volunteering with the board of elections. Why? Because watching the current staff of volunteers manage the electronic voting booths is like watching my Dad try to program his own cell phone. Except my Dad knows better. I stood there for ten agonizing minutes watching a clearly disoriented sixty something volunteer insist that the middle voting booth was broken. I had an uncomfortable feeling that she was simply not following the prompts but thought it best to keep my mouth shut as they were already irritated with me for holding up the line as I tried to argue that I did not need my driver’s license to vote. But quicker than you can say institutionalized racism, the bevy of elderly poll ladies were gathered around the three machines. Needless to say, they had to try about two dozen really stupid solutions before they finally asked for help. When help arrived the problem was solved in less than fifteen seconds. I am not exaggerating. I mississippied the seconds.

It was one of those moments where the better person inside of me would be reflecting upon how lucky I am to live in a place where these were the biggest challenge I would face in placing my vote today. No death threats. No standing in the rain for hours on end. No gun touting pollsters. However, the better part of me did not show up until about three seconds before I wrote that last thought down. The selfish and elitist rest of me was just damn impatient and annoyed. Hell I have 389 I might as well keep going.

I gave up aspartame last week. On Thursday to be precise. My friend J sent me an article. Actually it was one of those articles I get periodically but J has the uncanny knack of being able to convince me to do almost anything from ferberizing my baby to taking a road trip to Alaska. Anyway, I started thinking maybe this would explain my inability to remember anything (like that word for moving your feet to get somewhere..crap what is it? Oh walk that’s right) (im BARELY joking) and my constant feelings of exhaustion. Ack. I hit five hundred so Im going to try to escape to my bed now. Wish me luck friends.


Lisa said...

Even just random thoughts floating around in your head entertain me. And why are you doing 500 words a day? You freaked me out and I had to go look at NaBloPoMo and make sure that wasn't a requirement because I ain't making that. I'm lucky if I last out the month and don't bore all 5 of my readers! LOL

I heard that aspartame is part of the reason for the rise in alzheimers. Don't know how true that is but probably better to cut it way back anyway.

Keep writing, sistah!

luckybuzz said...

I love your boys. Why is the Turnip smuggling Lincoln Logs?

Suzanne said...

If you get migraines, aspartame may be the culprit. Nasty stuff!

I don't think I would want to play with the lincoln logs if I came over to your place! :D

Jay said...

After I moved back to my home town a couple of years ago I showed up to vote. One of the women working the precinct was one of my former teachers from grade school. Back then I thought she was already as old as God. She must be pushing 127 by now!

Anyway, she wasn't happy to see me cause she knew I would vote Democratic. Then I practically had to show HER how the touch screen machines worked.

When I lived in Texas the whole voting process took maybe 2 minutes. Up here it took the afternoon.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Poor kid, no tooth fairy if there's no tooth MUHAHAHAHAHA

RockDog said...

This post is chock full of heavenly quotes that I will probably steal and use to make my peers laugh with me and not at me!

I like the idea of Porn & Alcohol Sunday! Sweet diggitty!

I'm your huckleberry!

Maggie said...

I agree with rockdog. This post nearly made me snort coffee through my nose (never pleasant; I've done it before). Girl, you have a gift. Thank god you're on the blogs... you make my mornings so much better!

Ash said...

Tina is allergic to aspartame. I had to hear about that damn allergy my whole life. Good luck giving itup. EVERYTHING has it.

Pippajo said...

Ah, yes, the privilege of voting. I suppose it is a wondrous thing to be able to take it for granted, but I always feel so discouraged leaving the voting booth. It just seems like a sham to me.

And aspartame? That stuff will mutate your genes, my friend! My scarily smart, genius brother-in-law (currently finishing his PhD in chemistry) told me so. Is doom, DOOM!

Oh, and I once had a friend who used to pronounce it, "as-PART-uh-mee" and now our entire household pronounces it that way (just for fun) and I actually have to stop and think hard to remember which is the correct pronunciation. Just some random nonsense for you!

ZigZagMan said...

Luck buddy!! BTW, whats wrong with havingto show your ID to vote?? :)

crse said...

lisa- you spoil me. The 500 is a requirement of Gill. Because what is a good marriage without passive aggression competition!

LB- my boys love you too. He wasn't smuggling them, I think he was trying to transport them in one trip.

Suzanne- Yeah the dog chewed on them after that....

Jay- EXACTLY. Are you SURE you live in Arkansas?

MOTD- my dad was very proud!

Rockdog-Awwww! Thank you! Right back atcha. Tell you what, if you ever come to town, you have an open invitation to my house for porn and alcohol sunday!

Maggie May- You make me blush! But in a good, good way!

Ash- Im SO SORRY!!! I so do not want to be like Tina!

Pippa- You call it random nonsense. I call it a permanent new source of amusement for myself as I will now pronounce it that way!

Zig- Well buddy. Voting is supposed to be free to everyone. Picture IDs are not free to everyone! (plus i didnt have it on me and damm it, voting is all about convenience, isnt it?)

Stinkbait Boucher said...

I tried to leave a response to this post a few times today but had no luck given that I was doing so via my phone during stolen moments in the jurors' lounge.

I don't remember what I tried to say but I'm sure it was oddly obtuse.

I'm thinking this was among your best - genuinely funny with just the right mix of motherly angst and the quirky optimism that we all ignore on a sleepy election day.

Well played.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I love Porn & Alcohol Sundays! Sounds fun!

Bunny said...

Let me know how the aspartame thing works out for you. As a diabetic, I ingest a f*ckload of the stuff. Even pregnant I did. It's that or I can't have soda and I'm addicted, damn it.

I missed a day already for NaBloPoMo. My hub changed my computer password when I went out of town and I couldn't log in when I returned! I feel like such a loser (obviously I'm back in the 'puter, but that's another story . . .)

My swallowed both of the teeth he has lost so far. I did not look for them.

Lucy said...

See, now I voted against porn because of the "no touching" part of the legislation. I thought I'd do right by the poor pole-workers who didn't want skeevy pervs reaching into their G-strings. Sadly, I didn't have an alcoholic Sunday option on my ballot.