Monday, October 30, 2006

Summary Dashes of Stupidity

Does anyone remember that saturday night live skit that spoofed a jeans ad called "bad idea" jeans? It had the male cast members standing around wearing jeans saying things like "Yeah my buddy just got out of rehab. Im sure he kicked the heroin for good this time so Im going to let him move in with me". And "Yeah I normally wear condoms but i thought what the hell, when am I gonna be in Bangkok again?" I usually feel that I could be a part of that commercial on any given day. I have to say though, this weekend was spectacular in the amount of bad ideas I could generate all at once. Im pretty tired tonight but I am gonna dash a few of my really bad ideas off for you, patient readers. Im going to stop short of explaining them and let you draw your own conclusions:

- (this one is really almost every time I leave the house) Forgot to ask Norm to see if he had to go to the bathroom before a two hour car trip after allowing him to drink three glasses of lemonade.

-Picking a costume for the turnip with lots of shiny dangly loose parts.

- Deciding at the last minute that the turnip could possibly end up eating the costume he was going to wear and dragging the entire family to target two and a half hours before trick or treat at my brother's (who incidentally lives about an hour and a half away) passing up no less than three places advertising discount costumes so I could pay 19.95 for a tigger costume that is clearly too tight around his middle and makes him look more like garfield than tigger. (still cute though)

- Telling Gill he could take the stroller and continue trick or treating with norm so I could carry the turnip for a block back to my brother's house. Except the turnip didnt really cotton to the idea of being carried....

- Being 45 minutes away from finishing my entire months worth of paperwork on FRIDAY and procrastinating the final touches till 3am this morning because I WANTED TO BUILD UP MY SPIDER SOLITAIRE WINS!

- Deciding at 3am that perhaps I shouldnt drive to the next state to turn it into the drop box, choosing instead to wait till morning take the kids to said state and back to town for an 11 o clock drs. appt. (a little shout out to madame fabu for making that easier than I deserve).

- Calling the drs office and telling them id be five minutes late in case they wanted to reschedule (insert a WTF here with who cancels you over FIVE MINUTES? BASTARDS!).

- Deciding to take the kids to the library after being stuck in the car for two solid hours (minus the numerous norm peeing on the side of the road stops)the last half hour involving the turnip SCREAMING inconsolably from the back seat.

ok i could continue but im exhausted. And I owe gill the MeMe. Hey I just realized its bitch and moan monday! I didnt even remember that when I started the post!


Gill Smoke said...

I see, I see.
Very interesting.
Why don't you tell me about your mother?

Anonymous said...

Aw, my poor crse! But you have so many good ideas to balance them out...

(and I don't remember that skit, but damn I wish I did...Wait, didn't I maybe *live* that skit?)


Pippajo said...

I REMEMBER that skit! With David Spade, Kevin Nealon and Chris Rock, right?

Good times.

But not for you yesterday. Sorry.