Tuesday, June 05, 2007

soul cleansing confession

Friends, you may or may not have noticed but Ive been trying to find a more honest voice on my blog. Admittedly, I write this blog for entertainment purposes only so I have tended to stay away (for the most part) from controversial topics. Sometimes, however, things hit a little too close to home. Or beloved friends (real time and blog) will say things that make me feel like I should speak up. Like I am a fraud for not sharing what I believe with the blogoverse. Particularly when certain topics come up with other folks. I hide behind my denial of who I am. I cant do that anymore friends.

I realize Im taking a great risk here and I recognize that I might be alienating more than one of you. Please friends, try to remember, i am still the same crse you've known for the past eleven months. And we can talk about it. Im finally realizing that I am only as sick as my secret,(and no, in case you are wondering, it is not that Ive ti-voed the republican debate, Im actually pretty comfortable with that) so no matter what happens, I know I am free now...

(deep breath)
i like clowns.

Whoa....I feel like a huge load has been lifted off me! Before you start judging, let me just clarify. Im not a proponent of creepy middle aged male clowns who ask little kids to sit on their laps. But I do like them. To the point that (as a very select few of you know) (madame fabu and luckybuzz may be alone on this but Im not sure) I often talk in private moments about dropping out of life and running away to clown college. I dont need the little bike or the squirting flower, but damn Id love to know how to make those animal balloons. And when you think about it, as creepy as adults may find clowns to be, little kids generally cheer up when a clown comes into the picture. (Unless they cry hysterically, but Id never be a pushy clown)I wouldnt want to be part of a circus because of some personal moral opposition to circuses in general, but Id love to work parties. Or be like a telegram clown. Ok since we are being honest, I probably would be into learning to drive the little bike.

I understand John Wayne Gacy and the movie IT did a lot to undermine the social acceptability of clowns, but seriously is that fair?

To address John Wayne Gacy, I find this extremely biased. We do not judge men in casts or on crutches because Ted Bundy faked physical limitations. And the boston strangler. Do you hear people villifying gas meter readers because of his behaviors? I think not.

As for the movie IT. Now Stephen King did a lot of scary assed shit. Still you dont see people in nurseries or greenhouses freaking out over bonsai. (granted, bonsai scare the shit out of me) Or really big drooly dogs because of Cujo. So why are we singling out IT?

Want to know what i think? Its CHARACTERISM. For some unknown reason, our culture decided that clowns need to be feared and shunned. Its just not ok for grown ups to like (or want to be) clowns. Dammit, people! Its not right! What if people did this to santa? Or the easter bunny? (although id be on board with that one, since bunnies creep me out anyway). And what about leprechauns? Now lets lay it out on the table here. Leprechauns are the scariest little mother fuckers youd ever want to not cross paths with. But every march we just worship those little green demons. IT. IS. WRONG.

Anyway, I bring this up now because in a few weeks Im attending a clown therapy training and out of the 125 participants, I am the only one excited about this training. Excited? Friends Im freaking GIDDY. But I cant tell people that, because clowns are bad and scary. Not anymore people. Not on this blog.



luckybuzz said...

1. Good for you.
2. Leprechauns are freaking terrifying.
3. I TOTALLY wish I knew how to make balloon animals.
4. I cherish the memories of talking about clown college with you. I'd be happy to help with your admission essay if you want.
5. I just love the hell outta you. That is all.

ZigZagMan said...

While historically you are dead on with the leprechauns...being of Irish blood I can say this...clowns are evil I tells ya..!! :)

Well, I still like ya buddy, even if I disagree with you. It takes courage to come out of the closet like this..gutsy actually.

Did you mean to say PROUD at the end of this post...or are you still feeling a little dirty about this ?? :)

The Mistress of the Dark said...

1. LOL
4. Clowns!!! Tee Hee

Bunny said...

A good friend is a clown, visits the kiddos in the local children's hospital and the like. He loves it. He even came to my rehearsal dinner in his clown persona. I do find it all a little creepy, but that's just me. More power to ya!

Ash said...

I'm not scared of clowns per se, I'm actually scared of the circus. The whole big top thing kind of freaks me out a bit. Not to the point of crying uncontrollably, but enough that the one time I took Lei we left after just 1/2 hour. My skin was crawling.

Personally, I think the world needs more people to make children laugh and smile. Clown College is not a bad idea at all.

Also, you know how I feel about my Grandma? She was a part time clown for children's birthdays too.

I heart you!

winterskibunny said...

You have a real problem. Recognizing it now is half the battle LOL.

By the way, I do actually judge men with canes and casts on their arms. Sometimes I walk across the parking lot so we won't cross paths "just in case".

Factor 10 said...

I wanted to be a clown when I grew up. I have a fairly extensive collection of wierd ceramic type clowns from my childhood, and no idea what to do with them. Watch your mailbox, sister!

I heart CRSE.
Dirty clown lover.
Is that greasepaint on your collar?

RockDog said...

I don't know what I find more disturbing about this post, the fact that you like clowns or that you know SO much about Serial Killers... ;)

"Whoa....I feel like a huge load has been lifted off me!"

RockDog chuckles an extreme case of childish immaturity... LOL!

sega said...

OK... You're completely freakin' me out... I am having extreme anxiety regarding the whole clown thing, & started to hyperventilate reading through... i have hesitated leaving any comments to this point, but man, my friend, i have clown phobias & can hold back no longer... as a child, a friend of our's grandfather was a party clown who did balloon animals, & it was frightening... i had a clown nightlight that haunted me & would show up mysteriously everywhere... ickk... still love ya, though concerned about this new side...

Jay said...

Yeah, but what about the clown doll in the movie Poltergeist? How can anybody be a fan of clowns after that movie?

Pippajo said...


You've left me stammering in fear and confusion.

Clowns, mimes, puppeteers, doll collectors, they all freak me out a little.

But I still heart you. I can get past this.

crse said...

LB- I knew youd have my back sweetie!
Zig- um..(blushing) yeah it wasnt an accident, Im still feeling a little...dirty.
MOTD- Congratulations! You are the first person to actually motivate me to finally look the barbeque thing up! And now...I giggle.
Bunny- Thanks for putting a nice spin on it. It makes up for the half hour I wasted on Paris Prison Plates!
Ash- You know that made my day in ways only you and I understand. Thank you sweetie. Im honored.
WSB- I never really thought about it after Bundy...Good looking out!

crse said...

Jenn (F10)- My heart soars with my first clown haiku. You are my hero.

Rockdog-We havent even touched the tip of the serial murderer knowledge! (huhuhuhuh....i said touch the tip...huhuhuhuh)

Sega!- Honey! I had NO IDEA! We always said you were a woman of mystery! You know they are coming right? I saw the pamphlet today on Spike's desk. Dont worry sunshine, I promise I will sit way up front and be your clown whisperer. Also because I do love you, I will resist the GLARING temptation to exploit this knowledge particularly since your birthday is approaching....its the circle of trust here in the vault!

Jay- See? This is exactly what Im talking about. Were people scared of priests after exorcist? (i know some folks have reasons to be scared of priests regardless of any movie connotation). I have to admit buddy, after reading your "open letter", you have completely lost any power to make ME feel creepy about this! I mean that in fondness of course ;)

Pippa- Ahhh my dearest pippa. This has been swirling inside of me since you shared the "Clown incident" at your church group. I wanted to tell you so badly. I was so ashamed! Please buddy, I promise Im not like the others! Doll collectors, mimes and puppeteers ARE creepy! (and granted SOME clowns too). If you are more comfortable we will never speak of this again. I will post CLOWN alerts on posts you should avoid. We will get past this!

Xavier Onassis said...

My daughter hates clowns.

And Hillbillys.

Needless to say, I can't get her anywhere near Branson.

Canada said...

1.I think clowns are okay, they just creep me out in movies (like Stephen King's "It". But in that venue, they're supposed to.
2. I went to Circus something in Florida when I was little. I got to walk the high wire, and dress up totally, including makeup, as a clown. I disagree with elephants in circuses, but horses are okay and all the human performers.
3. I can make the balloon animals. I got myself a book and a whole whack of the balloons in second year university and it was my study break stress reliever (that, and blowing bubbles out my dorm window)

I've sucked at blogging and reading blogs lately. I've been lost in Facebook. Very, very lost.

Mert said...

Clowns? Pfffft, I though you were going to say something really weird like you keep a toenail collection or something... ;)

Though Clowns do freak me out a little, i think it has more to do with the person behind the paint. I get vibes from people sometimes, and just sometimes if I really feel yucky around a person, i will hold my kids a little tighter, if that makes any sense. So if one of these yucky vibes people is hiding behind clown paint? On the inside I panic a little.

Now that I've written all of that, I think it's clear who exactly here has a problem *points finger at self* LOL!

BUT! I fully support you in your clown endeavors, I love that you came out and are proud about it!

The BBQ thing had me cracking up, I've heard of hax, ect, but wondered what it meant. Now what I want to know is... is BBQ really just "... used to imitate and ridicule people who furtively use the afore-mentioned abbreviations." or do people really use it as "Bitch Be Quiet", because if it's the latter, I'm so gonna use that.yaeyydqk