Wednesday, October 03, 2007

WTFIIO Wednesday?

In place of the WTF wed, Im offering the why the fuck is it only wednesday post. You know, im not going to apologize for bullets or stars anymore. Unless there is a story, why would i put it in paragraph form. I embrace the random lists of crap friends. Go me.

* The PTO meeting resulted in me volunteering for some community advisory council. For about ten minutes I was excited that Id be able to use my expertise to make a difference in Norm's school. That illusion was quickly shattered as it became more and more clear that the fact that I own a laminator outshines any clinical value id have in an advisorial position.

* Friends, I know I disobey rules of grammar and do not proof-read, so this claim may not ring true for some but the truth of the matter is...Im kind of smart. Like nerd smart. Im bringing this up because I found out that I was in grad school with the actual clinical advisor. Friends, I say this without judgment. She is really not bright at all. In fact when I think of the intelligence scales the phrase (my favorite phrase in fact) dull normal comes to mind. Plus she is mean. Mean and dumb. Im half dreading working with her and half looking forward to the chance to be smarter than her in a group setting. I realize thats not very nice. But she really isnt very nice either. And my ego needs this. The fifth graders are taking me for granted these days....

* Speaking of which, you know the work day was pretty much a complete waste of what could have been an eight hour nap when the most therapeutic moment of your day involved the sentence "you aren't the boss of the marshmallows." And you are the one saying it.

* It did not get better. I went to a meeting after school with my team and a teacher. It started normally enough as we followed the teacher back to her classroom. She was a bit odd looking, extremely thin with long crunchy looking dyed blond hair. And a face that had to have seen better days. Still, if this job has taught me anything, its that there are a lot of odd looking people out there. So nothing was amiss. Yet. This is going to require another star.

* As we walk into her classroom, the first thing we notice is a GIANT hourglass on her desk. Not an egg timer. An hourglass. You know, like the one the wicked witch of the west times Dorothy's demise with? And friends, it was trickling. Then as we started talking, it immediately became clear that the teacher had some sort of verbal tic. Every sentence seemed to involve a hiccup and ended with her using a tone about an octave higher. Now friends, im a compassionate person. I really am. But just as my faithful readers will remember, I have issues with missing body parts, I struggle equally with situations such as this one. I really wanted to a)try not to ask questions so she wouldnt have to use sentences b) somehow stop the meeting and do a stress reducing exercise in case the tic was stress related and of course c) laugh. Thankfully I didnt do anything like this. My friend Andy is part of the team and she was with me. I was terrified to make eye contact with her lest we spontaneously burst into chimpanzee like laughter or at the very least, mortified giggles. It truly was mortifying. I feel like I should break this into more stars.

* The situation was not helped by the fact that she really had zero interest in talking to us and practically threw us out of her room. Ok this feels starred wrong. I apologize.

Ill stop now. I need a smile list.


Jenny Ryan said...

when the most therapeutic moment of your day involved the sentence "you aren't the boss of the marshmallows." And you are the one saying it.

Oh, thank you! I needed that today :D

Jay said...

Guess what? I AM the boss of the marshmallows. LOL ;-)

Oh and since I'm the boss of the marshmallows I get to steal that line and use it on somebody and get a laugh out of it.

You should have starting mimicking her speech pattern. Just to entertain yourself.

Lucy said...

I am the boss of almost everything, but you, baby, can have the marshmallows.

The grad school girl--I think I know who she is (do I?), and you should fuck with her. These delayed revenge opportunities are rare, and I would love to live vicariously through you because we all know that I don't have the sack to pull this stuff off (I refer to my post re: my hairdresser). I must admit, however, that I have been joyfully indulging in the haterade a bit too much this week.

BTW, you are really quite smart, and I don't just say that because your my favorite sis-in-law.

Love ya,


Bunny said...

LOL at the laminator. I get appointed to committees and boards and crap and I think it's because I used to be a kick-ass litigator and they want me for my mad legal skillz, then I find out that it's just because I'm a SAHM and they think I must have all kinds of time to do the grunt work. Um, hello? I had time for that stuff when I had a secretary to whom to assign it, not now. I tried to get my old secretary to come to my house and help me with stuff, but she refused. *flips hair*

gretty said...

I hope you take comfort in the fact that your daily suffering provides so many with comic relief.

adjunct whore said...

i love it that you are the boss of the marshmellows. you know you're sinking into to rot when you use horse-hooves as weapons.

thanks for the smile.

Stinkbait Boucher said...

Phrases from my WTF Wednesday:

"Just do whatever you think your career can afford."

"That's fine. You can say anything you want on your last day of work."

"Sure. It might be the biggest city in the world but it's the smallest town on the fucking planet for you right now. Jessica will show you out."

Phrases that I'll work in to conversation tomorrow?

"You're not the boss of the marshmallows."

"You know? I'm not going to apologize for bullets anymore."

"Go me."

At the very least I'll leave people appropriately befuddled.

Good one.

Lisa said...

Stream of consciousness blogging is super - especially when you lost the stream and just ... sort ... of ... bail on your own story! This is but ONE of the reasons I love your blog. You totally entertain me and I wish I knew where you lived because I'd come over and stalk you for funny stories.