Friday, February 09, 2007

Oh no..wait...its not my birthday....

So I guess our story “together” starts a few years back. He was hired two years ago and I was his first supervisor. He seemed nice enough when I met him. He is a few years younger and has young children too. Soon after he started, he and his wife split. At first, the split was amicable. However, as time went on, hostility between them grew. He became more and more miserable. Because we spent so much time together and are in mental health, it seemed natural that he would talk about his problems. It got worse. Much worse. As I got to know him, I realized he was extremely self-absorbed and lacks any personal insight whatsoever. He was annoying and show-offy and seemed to believe he was god’s gift to women.

Nevertheless, I did my best to be a friend to him. I had him over to the house with my funner friends. I stayed after work to talk about his problems. He spiraled deep and low. I kept assessing him for suicidal intent and he denied. Until one night, he called me with a gun to his head. We talked for a while and he agreed to put the gun away and meet me the next morning to get some help. Unfortunately, I slept in (hey! Its really draining to talk someone away from a gun ok?) which has shattered some credibility and brought up the “You are going to trust HER? For god’s sake she slept in through a suicide intervention!” (awk…ward) Regardless, I did show up and proceeded to offer unconditional support for the next few weeks. But I digress. Dear readers I don’t tell you this to make you think Im a wonderful person. Im setting a scene here.

Flash forward several months to August. Tensions were high that summer. Fraud had been occurring with mileage and His expenses were being reviewed. Readers, he bitched about this EVERY SINGLE DAY. (Nothing says Im committing fraud like telling everyone that you can’t pay your bills because your GAS REIMBURSEMENT CHECK didn’t come in.) Picture a sunny afternoon with all my little co-workers and friends working together in the park. Apparently, my generous little supervisees wanted to surprise me with a birthday cake. Such generosity. Such thoughtfulness. As they are planning, collecting and discussing, HE says that he cant give a DOLLAR because HE DOESN’T HAVE HIS FUCKING GAS REIMBURSEMENT CHECK! Friends, I am not a greedy person. But please, I was probably his best friend, (the personality? Not so friend magnety) might have actually saved his life and he COULDN’T SPEND A DOLLAR for my cake. A DOLLAR!!! I wouldn’t say I was mad about this. Offended? Shocked? Flabbergasted? Yes. Flabbergasted. Im relieved to say, my cake came through (it turned out to be an iced chocolate chip cookie because Im not a huge cake fan.) (that’s important for foreshadowing).

And it rankled, gentle readers. It was like a loose tooth. I couldnt leave it alone. My co-workers attempted to implement a mass planned ignoring project when I would bring up the DOLLAR. As if that would honestly shut me up. Amateurs…As time passed, the incident fell into the corner of my mind, only to be brought up when his name, mileage, and or the word dollar were brought into a conversation. Until….today.

I was doing my usual mind numbing supervision with him. Trying to stay sane while wishing I had jedi mind powers to convince him I had given him supervision while I was off visiting with (the much funner and more generous) Madame Fabu. I was most likely tuning him out when my ears heard something that made no sense. (No he din’nt) (oh YES HE DID) He had the AUDACITY to ask me if Ive ever tried iced chocolate chip cookies! Readers? I think my mind snapped. I saw black. Time stopped. I may or may not have swallowed my tongue. Of course, he didn’t notice the seizure. Being the assertive gal that I am, I said “er yeah, THEY (oh you know I didn’t stress the “they”. Like I grew brass balls since last I blogged?) got me one for my birthday remember?” He didn’t even blink. The rest of the day was a head spinning blur. My one co-worker asked if I felt good about finally "giving the dollar back" (which i found to be a bad metaphor since i NEVER GOT THE DOLLAR) (but again, I digress). It was hollow friends. Hollow. Not because of any morality play. Just because HE STILL DIDN’T GET IT!!! ACK….

Oh Well…there is always asshole school…..


winterskibunny said...

I come from a family of these people. He never will:)

Reminds me, must write about my mother's mother.

You probably know better than me, but suicidal tendencies especially when inflicted as someone else's responsibility are narcistic. I lack compassion in this area, coming from one side of a family that likes to play this little game.

Makes grandparents seem not so fuzzy and warm on that one side.

luckybuzz said...

Note to self: Never, never, never use the D-word in front of crse.

Canada said...

Let's taser him!!!!!!
Can I watch?

gretty said...

I am imagining forcing choking amounts of iced chocolate chip cookies down his ungrateful gullet while you gleefully remove a single one dollar bill from his wallet, pocket it, and then burn the wallet.

crse said...

WSB- you are one the things im looking forward most to on valentine's day!
LB!!! Do you remember?
"I have to go to the store."
"You said that you think she acts like a whore? ME TOO!!!"
Canada-you can take a shot if you like
Gretty- the beauty of your comment is that you know me extremely well and actually probably have a working visual of this!
I heart my friends Blog and RT a;iike!

RockDog said...

How was the cookie though? They always look so delicious! ;)

Have a good weekend!

Trixie said...

What a jerk!!! But I am still laughing at the fact that you slept in for his suicide intervention!!!!!

crse said...

Rockdog: The cookie itself was slightly disappointing but the frosting was insanely good!
Trixie! Not my finer moment but I have to admit since august, it does give me a sense of satisfaction sort of like "well he wouldnt give me that dollar, but remember when he was suicidal and i made him wait in a parking lot for forty-five minutes? Yeah....I still have that...and then i smile to myself..

The Mistress of the Dark said...

ARGH! I think Id give him a huge paper cut with a damn dollar

Mert said...

You should have stuffed him with dollars and then used him as a birthday pinata. :D

Some guys... I tell ya. Some have two brain cells left. unfortunately, they are usually the ones that like beer.

Lisa said...

It's weird how stuff like this sticks with you, isn't it? I feel ya, girly.
(Not literally - hee!)

Nice rant - I could hear you speaking in my head (or at least what I pretend is your voice!!)

Jenny Ryan said...


I too am working to increase my Jedi mind powers :P