The post that should have never been

This is what I woke up to this morning.

(first a little voice either singing or mumbling to himself under the pillows until a head pops up) "Mom do you remember Naruto last night because i need to play it with aunt gretty today." No buddy, go back to sleep. "Its ok if you dont mom i remember how to make the wind sign and what else do I need?" Ok good baby, go back to sleep. "No mom i think i need to get up and start my day, so Im nice and fresh. Ill just be in the living room mom but i wont get snatched because all the doors are locked and if i do get snatched, i will kick and bite and scream MOMMY as loud as i can and then we can go hide in the basement and the guy who is trying to snatch me wont even know where to look and you can call the police mom. Youll have to bring your phone down ok mom? Or Maybe we should go to the attic. Where do you think we should live mom? Attic or basement? Maybe we should just live down in the basement cause its warm. Mom do you know how tornados are made? The hot air and the cold air are chasing each other around and around until they make a big windy circle. Its pretty cool mom as long as we are in the basement. I think im going to go take a shower mom but i dont need help because i know how to turn the water on without burning myself." (ed note: he actually does, and while I would not let any five year old do this, apparently he experimented with this without my knowledge and has this skill now) "So this is how i do it mom, i turn on the cold all the way like this (shhhhhhh) and then i just add the hot little by little til its warm enough and then i turn it on. But dont worry mom, i wont get snatched in the shower ok? Mom turnip is awake." (still clinging to the hope that i might at least be able to shut my eyes for five more minutes)He's not crying buddy leave my door open and ill get him in a minute. "oh you gotta get him now mom he is saying mommadat. He wants you" (ok maybe since he just woke up he will snuggle during the shower.....and he stinks and he has stripped off his pajamas, but he is not crying so I can take the smell for five minutes until he starts getting wiggly) "mom you know he cant come into the shower with me because he got clean last night and he stinks and his hair looks really weird" Buddy he is not going to want to be in the shower, he is afraid of the shower. Maybe he will stand there and talk to you but he wont go in. (because clearly turnip is not into the snuggle, ok maybe they will entertain each other in their the door is open, ill just lay here until after.You would think after five solid years of the "few minutes more" NEVER working out, id give up. I never give up.) "MOM, YOU HAVE TO GET HIM OUT OF HERE because one: he got cleaned last night" (do you like the list structure he does now? He actually makes it appropriately sequential one out of four times! Also, note that even norm, in his tender years, does not accept what gill does in the nuclear accident scrub down as a bath) "two: he stinks and three: his hair looks weird." As you can imagine friends, so far, this is not the morning i wanted to have.