Friday, September 21, 2007

Fifth Grade: It aint for the weak or simple.

Well maybe the simple....Here are some things I love and hate about the fifth grade:

THINGS I HATE: Start here first so I can end on a positive note

* Its always the SAME FREAKING PEOPLE. Every. Single. Day. In other words, fifth grade triggers the worst symptoms of my ADD.

* Im not allowed to raise my hand and give the answers which sucks because Im so clearly able to dust these little mo-fos academically.

* Lunch sucks. The coating of chicken nuggets should never ever come off in your mouth like that. I felt....violated.

* The lunch ladies are always yelling at us.

* There is this stupid "healthy kids" policy that means they do not sell any more treats in the cafeteria. The snacks they sell are ok but not nearly as good as they were.

* The building is devoid of cute guys. From the principal to the janitor, our range is from unattractive to slightly above average (with personality being a boosting factor).

* Its too freaking early. And too many days in a row.

* Gym is twice a week. WTF.

* There is no appropriate adult response to comments like these "I want to grow up to be the Mexican guy who sells sunglasses out of his truck". This is complicated by the fact that not only can I not laugh but the child is dead serious.

THINGS I LOVE:or at least really like

* The day goes pretty fast

* All my teachers are really nice.

* I have a BFF who eats lunch with us every day. She is adorable. She reminds me of a much cuter fifth grade version of myself. She is slightly more socially adept than Perfect Storm which is great for us therapeutically.

* I. FUCKING. RULE. THE FIFTH GRADE KICKBALL GAME. (Oh yeah i said fucking. Thats how good i am)(I swear this is also therapeutic! we started because PS has a crush on the teacher who pitches and this would be the first time in her history )

* Fifth grade boys are surprisingly sweet and gentlemanly. Its refreshing to be with pre-teens who have not had the humanity beaten out of them yet.

* This could be attributed to the fact that the gym teacher is REALLY NICE! He is a little bit of a freak and randomly goes on religious rants when he is speaking to the adults in the room, but he is the only gym teacher Ive ever liked in my whole life.

* Im saving a lot of lunch money since I can't leave the school and I now pack. Kind of.

* In all serious, the perfect storm is doing amazingly well and if i may be bold, I think her success is somewhat due to me being there.

* Did I mention I rule the kickball field?

Ok if that is not enough to end on a high note, I will end with this quote from the littlest fabu as told to the Madame on their way to daycare yesterday.

"Mommy, George is my boyfriend. He can't talk and isn't shaped like a boy but I love him." (George being my dog)


Lucy said...

Crse-I heart you my burgeoning k-ball rock star. Fucking go!

Ah little fabu, sometimes the non-boy-shaped friends are indeed the best friends. The not talking thing is a big plus.

Mert said...

No cute guys? That sux;)

Little fabu is the smart one, just Like Lucy said... they don't talk.

Canada said...

I'm with Mert - no cute boys? No fun at all. There has to be at least one eye candy crush available to me at all times, however inappropriate said crush might be!!!!

Ummm, at the risk of sounding completely stupid, and I have obviously been holding back on this question for quite a while, but . . . what the hell is kickball? Like soccer? Like baseball but you kick it? What? Please tell me (and stop laughing!!!! I don't think we have kickball in Canada - it's all hockey all the time here - ugh!)

Bunny said...

Hate to jump on the bandwagon, but . . . no cute guys? That sucks! What is it with lunch ladies? I was at Boy's school this week (because he threw his lunch out of the bus window, saying "Bye-bye rice. So sorry rice.") and the lunch lady seems to know more about my kid than anyone else there. She's somewhat cool though - she is working with me, outside "official" procedure, to ensure that Boy gets his soy milk and not cow milk (he can't have any dairy)

And Canada- kickball is like baseball, but kicked. And you can throw the ball at the runner to get them out (if I remember correctly). Crse, a ruling?

Crawlspace said...

I saw a documentary about people who date dogs...

Stinkbait Boucher said...

I would love to see a documentary that follows you around for typical days.

My days are brutal, life-siphoning ordeals that leave me spent and pondering God and the sweet promise of my own death.

Your days sound harder.

Making a difference is always harder than not. I reckon.

Canada said...

I wanna play kickball!!! It sounds fun!

adjunct whore said...

you are a fucking madwoman. i love it. it only takes one good line to kill me, this time it was two:

"Im not allowed to raise my hand and give the answers which sucks because Im so clearly able to dust these little mo-fos academically."

"Lunch sucks. The coating of chicken nuggets should never ever come off in your mouth like that. I felt....violated."

of course, they both are on the hate side. but what is funnier than hating??? a close third, btw, is the range of bad-looking men. in my limited experience, elementary schools are not hotbeds of attractive men.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Seriously I would do so much better if I picked a boyfriend similar to little fabu!

crse said...

Lucy- HA!!!! I missed going with you last night. Babysitting didnt end till after 12. Damn im old.

Mert- She was out friday night with a little princess shirt but the princess was a skull and crossbones, she saw it in the store and ran to it immediately, saying "its beyoootiful mommy!"

Canada- Its totally ok buddy, its not like its america's past-time or anything. Actually ive never heard of adults playing it outside of our league but it does rock!

Bunny- It seems they really want that power! Im glad she is working with you though....

Crawlspace- Wow. My friend and I were wondering how you went public with that. We took it to the idea of being bestiality experts with buttons saying "I do but not with your dog".

SB- In a strange way Im very touched by your words. Im also a bit alarmed that the sentence "My days are brutal, life-siphoning ordeals that leave me spent and pondering God and the sweet promise of my own death." rings so true to me. I agree and since Ive felt the same about your days i would like to propose a national "take your blogbuddies to work day". And then I could show off my mad kickball skillz, as well as have someone to whisper the answers to in gleeful superiority!

Canada- Get here next spring and we will put you on the team!

AW- you know that flattery is totally the way to my heart right? I agree that elementary schools generally do get the bottom of the beauty crop in terms of guys, but i was spoiled a few years ago by mr. g. i was SO PISSED that i was pregnant at the time and couldn't work my inappropriate feminine wiles on him properly!