Seriously.
Friends, Ive been remiss in keeping you posted about the little personal nightmares brewing in my day to day life. I really need to be better about this because such omissions leave you no context whatsoever when the overloaded chamber pot that is my job (family, parenting skill level, financial situation, personal relationship network etc) spills out and leaves us all wallowing in a huge flood of shit. My job you say? Why yes, and if you guessed this has to do with our sweet old friend Perfect Storm . (note this link is only the tip of the PS iceburg. For a true history just search the term in my blog search engine) then you would be right. The good news is that we are away from the Legion of Doom and are back in her home district. The bad news is that I am now spending every waking moment of the school day (not including my tardiness)(or leaving early) (or being able to skip out for "legitimate" excuses)with our little sweet heart.
Why you ask? Well friends, this would be because the front line worker lined up for this position embarrassed us both at the school meeting, causing the school to "request" that she be taken off the case. I wanted to object friends, I really did. I wanted to say that she just didnt do well at meetings. Truth be told gentle readers? I had my suspicions. She seemed to become a little ....obsessed..with me. After she found out I was supervising her, Id catch her staring at me to the point of awkwardness. Now generally, you know I am a gracious recipient of girl crushes friends. After all, who can blame the poor lost souls who get swept away by the ocean of beauty and charm that is crse? (and trust me I do tend to attract Poor. Lost. Souls.) But she not only crossed into creepy? But she also had the AUDACITY to generalize her obsessive stares to anyone connected with the case! HELLO??? If you are going to girlcrush on me? Please be consistent if you want me to deign you with offhanded gestures of attention ok? Otherwise it means NOTHING.
But I digress. Long story short? (too late you think? Ah but no, it actually was a much much longer story involving my cleavage/whimsical pants strategy and a cross-eyed unjustifiably cocky psychologist along with other plot points) There was nobody to replace shallow stalker girl and here i am. Lonnie Manko is being totally cool about letting me provide as much service as I can to PS because really? She has a good chance of succeeding this time. So thats the good news. And the bad news. Today was kind of mild with only one mishap involving her molesting the class guinea pig. I did not know guinea pigs made noises like that.
Norm started kindergarten today. He did well. I did ok. Up until he told me that the afternoon teacher was "kind of mad at him" which led to me calling her and thus identifying myself as "that mom". Well she denied anything happened but Im hoping i scared her straight. Ok too tired to talk/post pictures. This may have been the rambliest post ever but friends, fifth grade made me her bitch today.
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9 comments:
phew, i'm so grateful that you identified your job....i was feeling really stupid and starting to wonder what kind of espionage agent you might be. ok, so i'm a new reader, but twice now, TWICE, i've laughed harder reading this than i am wont to do.
i so need to laugh more.
{{{hugs}}}
First days can often be harder on the parents than the kids. Sorry this was a bit rough on you, sweetie. But know that you will soon have many, many more Normisms to blog about :)
The first day of school sucks. Every year. Mira comes home for the first month nearly every day convinced that the teacher is "mad at her," and she always ends up being the teacher's pet. My guess is that Norm the empath (much like his BFF Mira) is picking up on the teacher's first-day feelings of being overwhelmed, not actual anger. Next time, call me first, but props for being ready to take that woman down :)
I might be the only reader whom this post makes fidgety. I'm used to the sensation however and am not laying blame.
My stalkers have proven to be less entertaining than yours and the guinea pigs less fortunate as well.
I missed the "first days" of everything this year - school, practices, adolescent mating season, etc. Was too far away. You're lucky to be in the mix.
"...involving my cleavage/whimsical pants strategy and a cross-eyed unjustifiably cocky psychologist..."
OMGCRSE. You Just. Freaking. Rock.
Don't you hate it when your stalkers turn out to be slutty and yank away their attention just when you start getting used to it? I feel your pain crse.
I second L.B.'s adoration BTW, you are a freakin' genius.
I'm scared for the guinea pig..
That is all...
AW- Man! I wish i was an espionage agent. Im so glad you are laughing buddy. You do need to laugh more! PS: I linked you.
Canada- thanks buddy! hugs back atcha. I remember last year for you and I think you are right. It was definitely worse on me!
Lucy- That makes me feel a lot better because I cannot imagine anyone ever being mad at Mira! She is such a little joy! Now that you mention it I probably should have called before I wrote the "hello, Im always available (so dont fuck with my kid)" note. I promise the dont fuck with my kid part was only subtext. I think.
SB- Im so sorry! In all honesty, I do get a bit giddy every year around the first day. I like having a job where Im a part of such things. Im sorry you missed the firsts but the year is still quite young! I do think, however, if we were to do a stalker by stalker comparison, you would show much more strongly than you are giving yourself credit for! (PS: I cannot speak for your guinea pigs but our theory is that all of perfect storm's pets are the reincarnations of truly evil individuals who are now paying back their karmic debts)
LB- Aw! you do too! Sadly, the bastard was immune to the cleavage/pants combo. As if he had a shield of kryptonite surrounding him.
GB- Is that a hint? I swear Ive never lost interest! Is this about Gretty? Sometimes she lurks you know....
MOTD- Be more afraid for the guinea pig that lives with her.
Guinea pigs are hardy little critters. You can drop them from 5 feet in the air and they end up just fine (or, so I've heard, you know . . . ok, I was 9, what do you want from me?) They will pee on you though, that's their grand revenge strategy. If you give them some lettuce, all will be forgiven.
I bet Norm does just great in K. My autistic 6 yr old apparently did just fine with his part-day in kindergarten and rest of the day in an ASD room. Yippee!
{{YOU}} -it'll get better.
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