Thursday 13

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13 Things To Bear In Mind If You Are Going Off Your Celexa Without Telling Your Psychiatrist

1. If you happen to be a mental health professional, you know better. You tell people firmly not to do this. In fact, lets start this list by acknowledging that you are a complete idiot for allowing yourself to get into this position in the first place.

2. You honestly have better things to do with your time than composing hate emails to Taco Bell, listing the various infractions their employees have…well…infracted upon you over the past two weeks as you are nursing your sudden sick cravings for your own bastardized version of the fiesta salad that nobody can really understand without a diagram anyway..

3. When you are going off more than one med, think about how it is going to play out. Having no attention span AND a nasty disposition AND paranoia does not a good wife/friend/mother/employer/employee make.

4. Sending paranoid texts to your direct supervisor when she asks if you are ok does not make you look professional nor does it make you look stable.

5. Neither does getting sick with anxiety that every meeting scheduled is going to be a surprise intervention about your poor administrative/leadership skills.

6.When you are at the gas station, you do not seem reasonable when you fly into a blind rage because someone else in your family “took” your .40 cents a gallon fuel perks.

7. You also do not seem reasonable when your spouse makes an offhand remark like “Im going to cut the grass” and your reply is “Why are you so hateful?”

8.“Why do you have to be so stupid?” is not a viable response when dealing with co-workers who ask you questions.

9.Your dentist is not secretly punishing you for missing three appointments by getting in cheap sucker punches when he pulls a tooth (ok im not all that convinced on that one)

10. You might feel better if you stop thinking of your home as a pit of financial despair. (after all, framing is everything).

11. Your children are probably not destined to be serial killers despite the extensive list of parenting mistakes you see yourself making every day.

12. There is no real physical way that you can feel the dust from the impure air in your house settle in your lungs. That has to be psychosomatic. It HAS to be.

13.It is not your fault if the cashier takes your peanut butter and puts it with the person in front of you. Just because you didn’t speak up does not mean you burdened someone with unwanted peanut butter to the point that they are thinking you are an idiot even though they don’t know you. In fact, they are probably thinking, “Hey where did this peanut butter come from?”