Thursday Thirteen #9

In tribute to the The Amazing Miss Pippajo (for whom my blogstalking devotion never wavers. No matter how many other blogs i stalk, I always end up there three or four times a day whether she posts or not)who did topic this last week and made me literally laugh out loud. My family is not as funny but they are kind of weird which is always interesting fodder for a list!

Thirteen Things About My Family 1. When you plan a party for three o clock, nobody actually shows up at 3. Usually its around 345. If you show up on time? You freak out the hosts and have to help set up. 2. My younger brother married a woman with my name and I married a man with his name. Interestingly, my step brother and sister both married people with forms of my name too. 3. My two brothers and I all have some sort of brain dysfunction that causes us to argue to the point of irrationality and can be wrong 32 times in a row but still be just as adamant that 33rd time. 4. Its takes us about 45 minutes to decide on pizza toppings if we are all together and someone makes the mistake to ask us what we want. 5. When we play games, it’s always extreme trash talk games. We made my sister in law cry when she first played monopoly with us because “brothers and sisters are not supposed to act that way”(bless her heart she is an only child) Now she is right in the thick of things. 6. Related to #5, my brothers once spent an entire hour ending a game of mousetrap with each other long after the child (my nephew) we were playing with quit. They are that competitive. 7. Also related to #5, you could lose 50 lbs in my family and nobody would notice, but if you get a bad haircut, we are falling all over ourselves to get the first slam out. It should bother me but I love that about us. 8. My older brother would and has given us the shirt off his back but if you spend 49.95 on his gift in a 50 dollar gift exchange, he wants to know where that nickel went. 9. When my father or brothers are worried about one another they will not ask each other what is wrong. They call me and make me ask. It doesn’t matter if they spent the entire day golfing together. They refuse to ask each other about problems. 10. All three of us are extremely different (almost diametrically oppositie if that’s possible) politically and religiously but it is not a source of conflict between us. 11. All three of us are pathological about customer service and have written letters to restaurants, phone companies, and even the skechers corporation. 12. Since my father and step-mother have been married, all of their children have only given birth to opposite sex children. In other words all the boys had girls and the girls had boys. 13. I am extremely close to all of them but I am so close with my older brother’s wife I once accidentally introduced them as my sister-in-law and her husband. 14. Both times my younger brother’s wife got pregnant, I ended up pregnant within three months. I told her that if she gets pregnant again, Im going into a convent for nine months. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Did You Ever Get The Feeling? The Knut Hut Tinkerbell Using My Powers For Good Lil Duck Duck Snarkypants Ash In Wonderland This Place is Nuts Sunshine Blues Collecting My Thoughts From Across the Water Surviving New Jersey A Flyover Blog

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Theres a new blog in town....

I have SO much work to do but I have to put it out there. Gill-Smoke, was so excited about the return of his friend Gospel Bob to the blogging realm that he decided to move on over to blogger after all. You see, Gill decided earlier this year that he wanted to write a novel for NaNoWriMo so he started blogging at another site for practice. His first entry is up and I know he would love any company you wonderful co-bloggers and blog stalkers can offer! He is a little off the beaten path at times so pretty much anything goes!

la meme a trois

Thanks to mighty Snarkypants for this one!

So, herewith I present some stuff in threes

Things that scare me: ghosts, confrontations and losing loved ones.

People who make me laugh: my wimmin, the loris and almost every single person in my family

Things I hate the most: The feelings of powerlessness over what is going on in our country, my recurrent dreams of working in the fish market and having to leave my kids at day-care.

Things I am doing right now: Watching Anderson Cooper, Writing this and printing paperwork

Things I want to do before I die: experience financial security (but not through any sort of monkey paw way) travel a lot find a sense of spiritual peace.

Things I can do: Make a joke out of almost ANYTHING, wake up without an alarm and make people feel heard.

Ways to describe my personality: Chaotic, Happy-go-lucky and neurotic.

Things I can’t do: relax and trust the process, manage money and most tasks that involve fine motor coordination

Things I think you should listen to: children, your heart, and your instincts.

Things you should never listen to: people who tell you why you cant do something, heavy metal or country music, people who are just sucking you dry.

Things I’d like to learn: How to function effectively with the ADD and the neurosis, how to confront people and how to stop putting other people's feelings in front of my own.

Favorite Foods: Really good chocolate, "homemade" tacos and hot pretzels.

Beverages I drink regularly: Diet coke with lemon, iced tea with lemon and sweet and low and water.

TV Shows I watched as a kid: Happy Days, Brady Bunch and Gilligans Island

Things I don’t understand: why I stay up until 2am when i have to get up early, intolerance and xenophobia.

WTF Wednesday

Ok this is kind of a short random end of the month wtf. What the Fuck is up with larry king tonight? Is it inarticulate guests night? Friends of John Michael Karr. "uhhh yeah....I aint seen John Michael Karr since the early 90s. I met him in a grocery store. In the early 90s" Ok if you are going to find a remote acquaintance could you at least find one that can speak full sentences? The sum total of what these "friends" had to offer was that John tried to get the wife to admit that we are all "gay" deep inside. Thats IT? Thats what you get on Larry King for these days? Thats responsible journalism there Larry (or the pitfalls of live tv) (or time to kick the ass of the staff member who dug these yahoos out of the faux wood panelling) What exactly are we supposed to infer from this one Lar? That anyone who can find some truth in the Kinsey reports is a child molestor and potential killer of little girls? Good Stuff Larry. Good Stuff. Keep the love alive there baby. On a happier note, we had Anderson Cooper 360 with the reporter about to get arrested in Colorado City for trying to get a cop to talk to him about Warren Jeffs. And the website still has an article about Bong Hits 4 Jesus. (gives a WHOLE new meaning, to what would Jesus do? eh?)

mondays with norm...

So as the boys and I wake up this morning, Norm starts talking about day care and how he will attend the day care's pre-school next week. We are discussing what will be the same and what will be different about the routine.

Norm Well Cody (some random daycare boy) wont be there.
Me: Why not?
Norm: (In a very conversational and benign tone)He doesn't come anymore. He is dead.
Me: What do you mean he's dead?
Norm: Well he ate the green part of the watermelon at snack and that can kill you and then he didn't come back, so he's dead.
Me: Norm, he isnt dead. He just probably moved or something.
Norm: Mom. He's dead. He's just dead. (now he is annoyed)
(Do I continue to refute this or do I validate his reality?)
Me: Well are you sad that he is dead?
Norm: No because he cried all the time and it got on my nerves.
Norm: Dont tell Miss Joy or Miss Cindy though because they'll be mad that Im not sad.

(Leaving me to wonder, do I explain that its ok not to be sad that he is dead, even though he ISNT DEAD? Do I mention this to his teachers anyway thus betraying his confidence but potentially clearing up a possible day care point of confusion? As I ponder these crucial parenting issues, Norm begins talking about going his cousin's soccer game tonight so I just decide to leave it all sit)

apologies

i feel like i should do a real entry instead of a list or a meme. but im so tired. and it is the end of the month. you folks remember the end of the month is bad right? good...no hard feelings? im going to watch the rest of in the footsteps of bin laden. and ponder christianne amanpoor's helmet hair. i really never expected helmet hair to be acceptable on cnn. its actually kind of exciting to look at.... her forbidden hair

Me Me Steal

My darlin' Luckybuzz gives me the good stuff!

Ten things you probably wouldn't guess about me.

1. I went to Alaska in a Toyota Tercel and camped the whole way there and back.

2. I got married in a Mexican Barrio in Tucson, AZ in a place called the Garden of Gesthemane (still cracks LB up!)

3. I was only engaged for 18 hours. Our wedding dinner was Taco Bell. Our honeymoon was a movie. "Interview With A Vampire". That was almost 12 years ago.

4. Im really actually very afraid of people.

5. The only time Ive personally been the object of litigation was from my own mother. (blog readers know this)

6. I lived on top of a mountain for 6 months.

7. I was a belly dancer for a short time. (i wasnt very good)

8. I secretly wish i was really strong. Like weight lifter strong.

9. Im an amazing speller. Even though Im lazy on my blog, Im actually kind of professionally particular about spelling and grammar.

10. Messiness makes me incredibly nervous. (YOU WOULD NOT GUESS THIS IF YOU KNEW ME)

Me Me steal part Deux

I stole this from my newest object of blog stalking Ash(dont be jealous the rest of you, i still stalk you all faithfully!

Finish the sentence:

1. I've come to realize that my ex.............probably hates my guts and should if he doesn't. (i can say this about a lot of people. im a horrible breaker upper)

2. I am listening to...........a heavy metal song featured on Duck Dodgers.

3. Maybe I should.........stop goofing off and find Norm's underwear as he is desperately screaming for me to do.

4. I love............all three of my Boys. And many other things too!

5. My best friend............knows way too much about me!

6. I don't understand............homophobia. Im not going to rant. This time.

7. I lost...............hell fill in the blank yourself and you will probably be right...

8. People say........... a LOT about themselves without even realizing it.

9. Love is............hearing my boys laugh together.

10. Somewhere, someone is.............really annoyed with me for being a goof.

11. I will always.............love my children.

12. Forever seems............like two days! (thats a movie quote but i cant remember from wear)

13. I never want to...........lose my children.

14. My mobile phone is.............the source of much of my confusion and grief.

15. From the moment I wake up..........I am trying to figure out how to get the boys and myself out of the house.

16. I get annoyed when.......I tell somebody pertinent information and they don't believe me and keep asking as if I am going to change reality for them. (VERY work related one)

17. Parties are...........very interactive in terms of planning. They like to say, "it takes a village to throw a Crse party!"

18. Kids are........smelly, gross, messy need freaks and the best thing that ever happened to me.

19. Kisses are the best when..............they come from my spouse or babies.

20. Today I..................have to take Norm and the Rooster to Geauga Lake.

21. Tonight I will..............drink and do paperwork.

22. Tomorrow I will........drink and do paperwork.

23. I really want..............to drink and not do paperwork.

25. I hate.............paperwork.

Thursday Thirteen #8

Thirteen Things Sort Of Alarming Things That Happened This Week 1. The dryer broke 2. I was puked on four times (the turnip had drainage) and pooped on once. 3. I ran out of food an hour into my son’s first birthday party. 4. I almost fell down a hill. 5. I spent 219 dollars (about 119 more than I expected) maintaining driving legitimacy. 6. I lost my bank card. 7. I spent most of this week’s down time (including two hour long car trips) dealing with “our baby of perpetual dissatisfaction.” 8. I dumped lemonade on my computer. 9. My car got soaked with both urine and chocolate milk. (separate instances, not related to each other or to number 2) 10. My bra broke in the middle of the dentist office. 11. I lost my eyeliner. 12. My horoscope basically predicted poverty for the foreseeable future. 13. I’ve lost my 50 game lead in my spider solitaire statistics. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Did You Ever Get The Feeling? The Knut Hut Tinkerbell Using My Powers For Good Do You Have Issues? The Songs In My Head Tidbits and Treasures So Be It Snickerdoodles My Two Cents Mental Excrements Well La-De-Da! Lil Duck Duck Changed By His Love Ash In Wonderland Baggage That Goes With Mine Snarkypants Its A Raggedy Life Unexplored Territory A flyover Blog

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

birthday shot

yes we ran out of food and had to go get more pizza. yes i accidentally screwed up the treat bags. yes i got totally smashed and scared some small children but this made it all worth while.....

The Absolute Grodiness of Parenting

Sometimes, you just dont see it coming. Norm had to pee on our way home from Grove City. We stopped at a convenience store and I had to get them both out and drag the turnip along with us into the women's restroom. No big deal just another pain in the ass bathroom stop. Until as Norm is urinating, he announces that his butt puked. And it did. Not only onto his already pulled down underwear but also onto my exposed big toe and sandal. He realizes he needs to poop more so I put him on the toilet. Apparently, poop also leaked onto the floor as evidenced by my tracking it to the sink. As Im trying one-handed to clean up the floor and my foot and salvage some sort of bottom wear since Ive now noticed that the shit also landed on Norm's shorts, the Turnip pukes all over both of us. Happy freaking birthday to me....

My Mafioso Dentist

Ok this is kind of random but consider it one of the things i had to put out there just for a reality check. so ive been to many dentists in my life and i never saw anything like this happen before. Norm went to get a tooth fixed today and we had a great talk about being a good patient. all through the session, the dentist was very complimentary. at the end of the visit, he pulled a bankroll out of his pocket and gave him a dollar. he said "i always pay my good patients". I was like "whaaaa?" and the little italian dental assistant (his whole staff is made up of little italian women who apparently all hail from the same part of town) said "oh no, he does this for the good kids". A dollar. Not a toothbrush. Not a little cheapy toy. A dollar. From his bank roll.

The Slumber Party

Ok Im trying to stay organized because there is a lot to tell. I will start with Friday. Today you will be meeting some of my family members for the first time. I think I need to make them their own descriptive posts for reference but Ill do the best i can without being too wordy.

My Younger Brother's Wife (Googy) had a slumber party. The guests included several of her friends, our cousin Larrie, My Older Brother's Wife (Bonsai), my Step Brother's Wife (Kish), and Googy's Mom. Googy got a psychic. She was eerily accurate for some people. (everyone went but Bonsai who the psychic didnt want to read because Bonsai was scared) I knew we were in trouble when she said she saw that I was close with my mother. Fortunately I was drunk enough to help her tie everything back into some semblance of believabilty. (Easiest 20 bucks she ever made probably) She did tell me some stuff I wanted to hear even if its not true.

Highlights included the jello and pudding shots, the amazing amounts of food, the general consensus that our children would be better spouses/partners to us than our current partners and a REALLY interesting story about voodoo and stalking. We were up until 6am and had to be back up at ten. This may be why my blog isnt sIlo interesting right now. Im SO DAMN TIRED.

I love slumber parties and I will never go to one the night before I have fifty people in my house again.

Thursday Thirteen #7

Thirteen Guilty Pleasures I Joyously Embrace 1. Spaghettios. I know they are horrible. And not spaghetti like at all. But I love them for what they are, not what they pretend to be! 3. Really cheap hotdogs. Oh my god the nitrates. I do feel good about the fact that the cheap ass hotdogs I buy are probably contain so very little of the animals they supposedly come from, that Im ultimately saving more pigs and cows and turkeys and pigeons etc. 4. Target. Oh How I love my sweet Target. The dollar bins. The rotating sodas at the fountain bar. The clearance items. The fact that any imaginable product has a lower priced Target brand buddy. Political implications aside, I cant get enough of that crazy Target stuff! 5. True crime books and documentaries. They appeal to my inner voyeur and to the meticulous inner forensic scientist trapped under all the dishevelment and chaos that is me. 6. My brother’s hand me down rugby shirts. Despite the sayings like “our drinking team has a rugby problem” and “we’d rather wound our bodies than our pride”, they are surprisingly well made and comfortable! 7. Spongebob Squarepants. I know I should be as insulted by it as Gill is, but dammit Im NOT. I LOVE that show and am not ashamed to admit I laugh out loud at LEAST once a show. 8. Psychics. For someone who is TERRIFIED of the supernatural, I am a sucker for a half believable psychic. I blame my grammy for this. She always loved a good psychic. 9. Boxed wine and fresca spritzers. 10. Sheetz MTO bar. I feel like I can develop a more personal relationship with my lunch through the MTO bar. Its quite empowering. 11. My new favorite columnist, The Jewish Ethicist. It’s like Dear Abby meets the Torah. I constantly check for updates. (no I’m not Jewish) 12. Spider Solitaire. Ahh she is a harsh mistress. 13. Getting my eyebrows waxed. It shouldn’t be relaxing but strangely it is! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Did You Ever Get the Feeling? Just Jump In Using My Powers For Good The Knut Hut Tinkerbell Changed By His Love Everyday Adventures of A Patent Princess Collecting My Thoughts Whispering From The Wings

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The Quotable Me-Me

Thanks to my darling Luckybuzz for this one. It took like 45 minutes to find these quotes which was a GREAT idea less than 48 hours away from the Turnip's birthday party with only about a million things left to do. But the LB's siren song lures me once again.... Anyway, How it works: "Go hereand look through random quotes until you find 5 that you think reflect who you are or what you believe."

I have NO IDEA what these say about me but they spoke to me and kind of sounded like stuff ive thought or said in the past:

Oh! Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch.
Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park

There is surely a piece of divinity in us, something that was before the elements, and owes no homage unto the sun.
Sir Thomas Browne (1605 - 1682), 1642

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
E. B. White (1899 - 1985)

Don't let the bastards grind you down.
General Joseph W. Stilwell (1883 - 1946), Motto

She is a friend of my mind... The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.
Toni Morrison (1931 - )

Psychic house update

Is the reason I dont decorate the house because Im afraid the house is going to be repossessed? Hmmm...food for thought. After a financial moment of truth this weekend, I seriously considered getting a part time job to supplement the income. Masters degree and seven years of specialized experience aside, I thought the best fit for me would be a video store or the movie theater. I ran this past Norm and his response was "absolutely not. we dont spend enough time together as it is". His father on the other hand was like, "cool, we could get free movies..." On a positive note, my car is still clean (although it has developed a faint urine smell that nobody seems to want to cop to).

Baselining

You know how when you think things are normal and then you start thinking about them and you realize they are not normal at all? My dad is a great guy but he has this really sick thing where he will call and leave me messages and say "You will never guess who died, call me back". Ive told him before that although I love guessing games, this is definitely not one I enjoy playing. He is always apologetic but he keeps forgetting and continues to do it.(he had a stroke in 98. He has memory lapses) Or when he does remember, the message is usually "you'll never guess...uh...call me back, I gotta tell you something". I love my dad. This isn't normal is it?

A VERY RAMBLY POST about relationships (I think?)

My Best Friend Kim broke up with her boyfriend yesterday. I specify her as Best Friend Kim because my Little Friend Molly taught me this trick for clarifying who you are talking about when you have more than one Best Friend. So if I am saying My Best Friend Madame Fabu (which she is among them) or My Best Friend Luckybuzz or Erthy or any of the rest of the gang, you will know who I refer to. BFK is making her debut today. Im blogging about this because she really made me think a lot. Im really glad she did it although he was SUPER nice and someone I would have liked to hang out with which is really significant since she does have an unfortunate history of dating/marrying boys who cant stand me. When I woke up yesterday there were two messages on my voicemail, one saying he stood her up and the other saying that she broke up with him because she decided he just wasnt that into her.

Let me digress by confessing in a half embarrassed way that I cannot stand Sex in the City (the show not the concept of having sex in a city). I found the women incredibly shallow and self-absorbed and somewhat self-loathing as well. (A lot to decide from fifteen minutes of one episode I admit) But Little Friend Molly read the book from the show's writers, called He is Just Not That Into You and she started quoting it. I recommended it to my cousin Larrie quoting the things LFM had told me. Larrie bought the book and decided it would change the way she approached dating which impressed me because Larrie tends to be a little resistant to new ideas at times (I fear this is a family trait). I was so amazed that SHE of all people, would be open to these ideas, that I had to read the book myself. I will interject at this time, the book is not helpful for any relationship that falls outside the dominant (and sometimes suffocating) paradigm of heterosexual relationships. Although, if you are a gay man, it might be helpful. I didnt agree with a lot of the conclusions of what "male behavior" meant based on my own experiences not only in relationships but also with my brothers, male clients and male friends. But the bottom line is, if you get the feeling he isnt giving you what you want, dont waste your time pining away over his "intimacy issues" or whatever. JUST WALK AWAY. Because you deserve better. Such a basic obvious concept but damn if it doesnt strike a note with most of the single women I know.

So back to BFK who read the book after Larrie did and also changed the way she approached dating. She has been dating this fellow, a rather well-to-do man, since May. He is nice, friendly, good to her kids and fun to be around. Also quite generous with the cash. BFK and I are in the same place as most of us are in that we are trying to figure out how to keep our utilities on and not get our cars repossessed etc. This man lives in a COMPLETELY different world than us. He just bought a 250,000 dollar condo. (I need to mention that this gentleman was born into money. He has no concept of what we live like. Think Marie Antoinette, "let them eat cake") BFK and I didnt discuss it much, but I often thought about how marrying someone like that would change her life forever. A total cinderella deal complete with a groovy prince charming.

Well apparently, Friday night, he fell asleep when they were supposed to go to the movies and when he called he was kind of arrogant about it and didnt apologize. Then i think he called saturday morning and let her know he was planning on spending the day alone. She thought about this awhile. She said she had noticed distant behavior all week long. A lot of self-absorption and a general lack of interest. She called him back and basically told him, that this was not what she needed and that she wanted to be with someone who cared so much about about spending time with her that not doing so would be a bummer, not something to plan on. Before really giving him a chance to talk, she broke up with him. He wished her luck and said goodbye.

Today she started questioning her decision. One of her other friends suggested she might have been too hasty, that she might have talked to him first. My thoughts were, yeah it was rash, but does it really matter if in the long run he had "good reasons" for being so dismissive? Does she really want to spend more time with someone trying to figure out how much space is acceptable if the person doesnt want to open up? Maybe it was stress or something else. Or maybe he just wasnt that into her. Either way, she deserves better than that. We all do, male and female. Maybe if she'd been dating him longer, she might have a reason to be more flexible but it has only been 2 and half months and frankly, if you cant keep your good behavior face on that long, well maybe you need to fish at a different pond.

I felt vicariously empowered by her decision. This kind of relates back to a recent incident where I dragged a client and his whole family across a park to a dairy queen parking lot insisting I would pay for everyone only to realize I left my money in the car back at the park. As we were trekking back, my client and his brother being quietly annoyed yet patient, I joked about how this was helping my client build patience. His mother (a VERY GOOD SPORT) mentioned a man she knew in grad school who would "test" dates by deliberately creating situations like the one we were in to see how well they handled themselves. He said if they couldn't be gracious early on, there was no point in pursuing the relationship. She ended the story by saying cheerfully that she imagined Gill had passed a lot of these types of tests. I had to agree thinking back on all the ways I test his patience on a daily basis. I don't do it deliberately, but damn it, Im glad it works. BFK doesn't read my blog I don't think so Im going to tell her this story. I just got off the phone with her and she is over the questioning part and moving forward. Im really proud to be her friend today. I think she is going to find her prince charming not because she needs to but because she wants to and isnt that what its all about anyway?

We have consonants!

The turnip is uttering consonants today! We have b's and d's and I think I heard an L. This is very exciting because we were becoming concerned about a speech delay. WAIT I JUST HEARD A G!!!! Go Turnip!

Oh Canada

Thanks again for the fabulous steal from the ever entertaining and continually fantastic Canada I am kind of surprised how the answers described me so very completely. That doesnt usually happen in a blog quiz. As a side note, Gill came very close to guessing my alterdrug identity, voting for mushrooms.

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

For Luckybuzz

My conditioner is Matrix sleek look. It is in an orange bottle. I tried to post a picture of the bottle but it won't let me. It keeps saying the picture is uploaded and done, but there is no picture on the post. Does anyone know why this might be happening?

Thursday Thirteen # 6

Thirteen Objects I Am Extremely Grateful To Have 1. My laptop and wi-fi at random places like the mall and panera bread. How did I live without wi-fi? 2. My conditioner. REALLY BAD THINGS happen to my hair when I don’t use unreasonably expensive conditioner. 3. Mega-vat cups from convenient stores and fast food places. I drink big and my cups need to be able to handle that. 4. Ti-vo. Ti-vo has changed my life. It has given me back little slices of grown up land. Again, how did I live without ti-vo? 5. My eyeliner. Im not even remotely a girly-girl but I really do feel naked when I don’t have my eyeliner on. 6. Tennis shoes without laces. (I heart sketchers!) If you know me, you know why this is such an important thing for me. I have never successfully managed to keep a pair of shoes tied for more than maybe ten minutes at a time. 7. Baby wipes. My god I had no idea how amazing baby wipes are! They have bettered my life in so many ways. I recommend that whether you have kids or not, go out and invest in some baby wipes. They aren’t just for butt wiping anymore! 8. Men’s boxer shorts. I have completely boycotted the insane gaucho craze and don’t believe I would have any shorts this summer without the wonderful world of men’s boxers. 9. CNN. It’s a neurotic news junkie’s dream. It is just very reassuring to wake up at 3am and realize I can find out what is happening in the world. 10. Five pillows in my bed. They sort of outline me. I can’t sleep without them. 11. My white noise machine. Before they invented these, I used to turn my radio to static. My dad once called in to a talk radio psychologist to find out what was wrong with me. He didn’t get through. I took that baby to the hospital when I had my kids. It was awesome. 12. Really Good Pens. I feel so helpless when I don’t have a really good pen to work with. 13. A good bra. Those who know me know why this is so important…we will leave it at that. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Did You Ever Get the Feeling? Just Jump In Using My Powers For Good quellehisien The Knut Hut Blogdumps Blogs

Get the Thursday Thirteen code her e!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Cornhole: a metaphor

So in the course of work today, I had the opportunity to play some cornhole. Before my gentle readers collapse in shock and horror allow me to explain what cornhole is to those not in the know (Ive only been in the know for about three weeks). This game is basically little more than standing across the yard throwing bean bags into a hole. Weve been using the game with clients because not only does it help with gross motor and hand eye coordination, the nature of the game requires opponents to stand together which is incredibly therapeutic in terms of working on social skills, sportsmanship and other targeted areas of treatment. All this information isnt really relevant to my post however.

As I was playing with my client and another team, I was receiving pointers from one of my co-workers (lets call him Zodd). This particular worker has been coaching me in the ways of cornhole (SHAME ON YOU) since I first started playing. For those who dont know me in RL, let me interject that Im not what you'd call sporty or even coordinated. Thus, getting my throw arc, my release point, my step and my form to work in concert only happens about once every other game. As I looked across to my partner and my opponent (another co-worker, we will call him Glob), Zodd tells me that I need to work on my finesse. At that moment, Glob tosses his bean bag and I watched his body move completely as one functioning unit. It was actually kind of beautiful. The next throw is made by my client. He was pretty much a little cyclone. Sweet and touching but not so beautiful. And not so effective either. Needless to say, I could definitely relate to his performance. Together we scored about six points in two games (you play to til 21). I was able to hit the board maybe twice in about 36 throws. I did not get it in the hole today. Glob and his partner wiped the floor with us. But again, the post is not about us losing. I dont mind losing. I like to play and Im very trained at laughing at myself.

All day long though, I reflected on Glob's form and fluidity in that moment of the perfect toss. I realized that I lack this fluidity not only in Cornhole but also in life. I feel like I can take any individual task (the throw, the release point etc) and master it. When it comes time to perform all these tasks together? Im the cyclone. And Im completely ineffective. Im starting to think that this problem might be at the root of a lot of my difficulties in life. I realize that this might not be the best time for this kind of self-evaluation, being that my ADD is rampant and Im seriously undermedicated as I "build tolerance" to a different medication. Still I can actually taste the frustration of aiming for the hole and not even hitting the board. And Im not only talking about the actual game here. So much of my life seems to be aiming for the hole and not hitting the board. Being a cyclone is tiresome.

The 2-4 meme

Courtesy of the fabulous Canada
Why? Because I have a million work things to do and my kids are crying and pissed at their dad and I am about to pull my hair out with frustration.

The 2-4 Meme

2 moments in your life you'd like to erase:
"Actually, this is hard. I usually think that everything happens for a reason." (canada said this and I agree)
1. Watching them take Turnip from the hospital to a NIC-U 45 minutes away two days after he was born. (it was ten minutes from my house but completely sucked even still)
2. Having to tell my little brother (ok he was 30 at the time) that our Grammy died.

4 moments you'd like to relive:
1. Most of the late 80s and early 90s (and ideally I would remember more this time)
2. Fine summer sunsets on top of Mt. Lemmon with Gill.
3. Driving into Alaska and seeing a rainbow flow into a forest.
4. Most of the boys' lives so far (again stolen from Canada)

2 places you wouldn't go to/go to again:
1. SAN FRANCISCO- (no offense LB. You are about the only thing that could get me back there)
2. Did I mention SAN FRANCISCO? I dont know...maybe Siberia? I dont like cold places.

4 places you can't wait to visit/visit again:
1. Boston. I LOVE BOSTON.
2. The Carolinas. I LOVE THE CAROLINAS.
3. Id love to go to Greece. My cousin went last year and the pictures were amazing.
4. I want to live in Arizona again someday. Its just so far away.

2 foods you can't stand:
1. Onions
2. Green Peppers.

4 foods you love:
1. my dad's cheeseburgers.
2. Watermelon
3. Butterball smoked turkey (i just discovered this stuff. Its AMAZING!!!)
4. Cheese

2 current songs that make you change the station:

1. Move Along- All American Rejects (it just bugs me)
2. Be Without You- Mary J. Blige (way to be completely emotionally dependent there MJ)

4 songs you play over and over:
1. Where'd you go- Fort Minor (i love that little refrain)
2. Feelz Good- The Gorillas
3. Breathe- Anna Nalick (I cant help it, the line "but my god its so beautiful when the boy smiles" makes me incredibly happy)
4. Temperature - Sean Paul (Gill finds it immeasurably annoying when I tell him I wanna be da poppa and he can be da mom. i think that is 90% of the charm of this song for me!)

2 books you'd never finish/read again:

1. This is so embarrassing but Harry Potter- I know, what is WRONG with me? Ive never admitted this before.
2. Anything by Stephen King. He's scared the shit out of me too many times. Ill never go back there again.

4 books you have read more than once, and/or will read again: (and this is where my complete nerdiness comes out)
1. To Kill a Mockingbird (yes Im a high school freshman)
2. Anything by Jane Austen (yes Im a giddy girly one too)
3. Anything by JD Salinger (to help me deal with my teen angst of course)
4. Anything by Kurt Vonnegut. (I think Ive hit critical geeky high school kid here)

Ok Canada suggests you tag people but two out of three of my commenters read her blog too.... So if you feel like de-lurking now is the time!

some random thoughts for a monday

because im hoarding my new adderall so i can function in the field as Im on a dose level thats equivalent to popping m &ms while he "builds my tolerance" (stupid dosage protocols) I clearly dont have the focus for a coherent post. A little shout out to Luckybuzz for teaching me the power of the bullet.

I think my dentist hates me. I dont understand why I have to have a completely dysfunctional relationship with every dentist I have. I had to leave the last dentist in a web of lies because I ended up doing therapy with him every visit. This dentist barely speaks to me and seems to be extremely passive aggressive. I was five minutes late today and they made me wait in the chair for a half an hour and then didnt numb me enough so I was white knuckling the chair the entire time. I dont think my bite is right either but i was afraid to pursue it.

The Turnip has been miserable since he got his shots last week. He may be teething or he may be developing an unnatural attachment problem. Ill keep you posted.

Madame Fabu sent me a form today that could solve a huge chunk of my organizational woes.

I had a family reunion yesterday. I really like my family. The highlight of the day was being able to drop a sasquatch line on my hairy backed brother.

This Mel Gibson scandal fascinates me way more than i care to admit.

Trying to raise people in a Judeo-Christian-hetero-preferential gender role conflicted violent racist and sexist society is very difficult.

I lost my phone three hours ago and am a little nervous about the consequences of this.

In a related note, Ive developed a new tactic for dealing with the collectors who call. Since the messages completely stress me out, I put them on hold until they hang up. Most give up after about 15 seconds but there is this interesting character calling from the 949 exchange who will wait me out. The longest s/he has held has been 2 minutes. Kudos 949, you are a worthy opponent. I think when I finally get the money to pay Im going to do the hold thing and pick up after like a minute. This person has earned the kill.

well...thats all for now. I need to find my phone.

Another Fabu Friday with a little touch of barnyard

Well its saturday morning and the female Fabus spent the night last night. (Senor Fabu worked late and had a golf scramble this morning). We also had a little guest (the rooster, named for his ebullient personality and his mohawk). Right now, we are watching what Gill and Madame Fabu refer to as food porn on the food network (dont hate me for telling you this, but once you hear the background music you never watch the same way again) and eating donuts from the local fruit farm. Norm just came in and asked if he could wipe the turnip's nose with a piece of paper. I recommended a napkin instead. But Im not here to talk about the morning. Let me just tell you about my day yesterday....

You can refer to my morning in the previous post. We shall start this part of the story with the arrival of the fabulous female Fabus. The evening started, as we piled out of our hot steamy honda to meet them in the driveway. Norm quite pleased that a) he hadnt melted into the carseat as he direly predicted he would the entire trip home from the fruit farm b) his "girlfriend" Princess Fabu has arrived and c) he has a polly pocket to share with her from McDonalds. All is well as we pile into the house. Im just going to offer what I hope will be bulletted hilights of the evening.

Mini-Fabu found my toothpaste and covered herself and Norm's room in a nice film of it. Apparently Norm and the Princess watched as this happened. When I asked Norm if it just never came into his head to tell me that this was happening, he replied "no it wasnt in my brain and it wasnt in my whole body either"

Our boss Lonnie Manko (ive decided to use her tried and true alias) sent a lovely carton of wine over for us to enjoy. It is something with rabbits in the name and it has a lovely aftertaste. Cartons of wine. I love the 21st century!

MF and I eloped to target soon after the toothpaste incident and found several exciting bargains. I know its wrong but I heart target so much!

Drank wine and pina coladas and watched shark shows.

Ended the evening watching a show about shark sex with four small children sprawled about the living room as MF tried to get mini-Fabu to GIVE UP AND SLEEP which she merrily refused to do. The mini-hilight to this is that everytime one of the children asked what the sharks were doing, MF would say they are just playing. After about the second time, we were both saying it on command before the kids could ask. Gotta love the shark sex.

All in all, not a bad friday night at all!

the sweet sounds of morning

Dateline: Friday: 6:20am- your humble author is still recovering from iced coffee wednesday (bad idea) and is awakened to the sound of the turnip pounding the wall. Nobody crying. Nobody screaming. Going back to sleep.

6:28am- Norm comes in. Hungry. Cant sleep. This results in the turnip screaming. WHERE THE HELL IS Gill? (and turns out he took my car to Pittsburgh because I have ac and he does not)So I send Norm back in with fruit snacks, Nilla Wafers and cheese crackers (all which are forbidden in their bedroom, but if you think you need to be in Pittsburgh that early, you need to accept the consequences).

6:31-7:50am- A series of Norm coming in, reporting various infractions the turnip may or may not be committing from his crib, asking me to open popsicles, and complaining about the woes of his existence. Intersperse this with random screaming fits from the turnip whenever norm walks away from him.

7:50am: Norm comes in. Climbs in bed and announces that he is NOT going back in the same room with the turnip because he is gross and he stinks. So your humble author rouses herself in what really amounts to the middle of the night as iced coffee Wednesday disrupted my circadian rhythms. We change and de-grossify the turnip, and negotiate a deal with norm that if we hang out in his bed, he will let me "sleep" and make sure the turnip does not harm himself.

7:55-9am- Clearly rest was a complete delusion. Between the turnip's general dissatisfaction and Norm's various requests and observations, there was not one full minute of silence. The charade ended when the turnip pooped again and i was not able to convince norm it was only gas any longer. We migrated to the living room.

Im happy to say that despite morning after morning of this same scene happening, I do not abandon hope that my old days of blissful sleeping are not too far away.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Completely Useless Talents I Possess 1. I can raise one eyebrow. 2. If you give me any calendar date within a two year span (from present time), in less than 20 seconds I can tell you what day of the week that date fell on. 3. I can name all eight kids from the TV show Eight is Enough IN ORDER. 4. I can randomly name most cast members from any show I regularly watched in the 70s or 80s. 5. I can solve most word jumbles in less than ten seconds. 6. I can type by touch without looking at my fingers unless I think about it and then I cant do it. 7. I can alphabetize all the letters in a sentence in one minute or less. (I really don’t even want to explain how I found out I had many of these talents.) 8. Although my cooking is suspect at best and even if it tastes ok, it seldom looks appetizing, for some reason I can make a beautiful looking pie. 9. I can read unreasonably fast, although I never learned to speed read per se. 10. I can rattle off the lyrics to almost every popular song from 1984. (My mother put me on diet pills that year. I never slept and alienated all my friends through my constantly edgy and snappy amphetamine state) 11. I can spot an onion, a pepper, a mushroom and/or a chunky tomato in any food item no matter how well disguised it is. 12.I can peel an M & M. 13. I can eat a bowl of cereal while driving. (I haven’t done it in years and never would with kids in the car, but I can do it) Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Did You Ever Get the Feeling? Just Jump In The Knut Hut Using My Powers For Good Sobeit

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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cleaning the psychic house: part deux

Well...we had the big purge. It took two separate meetings. Madame Fabu was extremely supportive. She kept talking about the progress we made since our first re-organization effort in feb. When we finished today, I felt really good. That was at five. Now it is 9 and Im in a low grade state of panic. I was in denial about the nature of that other dropping shoe even though I knew it was there. And I came home, logged onto my online banking site, and saw that I once again have a huge financial disaster. Gill is being gracious about it as some of it relates to a bank account piracy issue that took place in the spring and raised its ugly head ONCE AGAIN two weeks ago resulting in 150 dollars of NSF fees. (that was a delightful surprise....) It is pretty pathetic when I am relieved that the water disconnection notice is dated for the 16th because I have "breathing room". Even more pathetic that Im hoping to god my relatives give the turnip money at his birthday party in a few weeks so we can give him the gift of electric next month. (ill make it up to him i promise...) I just need to remember that we've been way worse off and we've found our way back out. And keep playing the lottery, and keep checking my mailbox for a surprise check from someplace we'd never expect.

Thanks Canada! . This is a fun one! We might be drink rivals but I do love me those chocolate martinis!

You Are A Blueberry Martini

You are a eclectic drink - liking to change drinks and venues often. You are usually the first of your friends to find a cool new dive bar or cocktail. You should never: Drink mystery drinks strangers hand you. Unless you want to wind up in foreign country. Your ideal party: Is mobile, hopping from party to party. Your drinking soulmates: Those with an Orange Martini personality. Your drinking rivals: Those with a Chocolate Martini personality.

What Flavor Martini Are You?